Dealing with Violent Children

[medgirlRN]

hello everyone. my question stems from my personal experience. i have a brother and sister-in-law to often take their children (my niece and nephew) to her mother's house where her brother and her two nephews live there. these boys are incredibly violent...and not just an over-reacting to boys being boys, but utterly violent. they have scratched, punched, thrown harmful things at my niece. just recently, one threatened her life with scissors. the parents are well aware of this and still continue to take them there so they can spend time with her mother. my niece is in the same class as my daughter. my niece is add and is always aggressive towards my daughter. when she experiences these traumas with these boys, she winds up being even more aggressive towards my daughter. i have talked to my daughter about these children and how to avoid them, how to not be like them or around them. i have no control over the other children. i wanted to know from people who have experienced these types of children, (7 & 9 years old), and how to handle this type of situation? is there a situation to handle at all? are these boys at risk for schizophrenic? do they need mental health care or cps? are these clinical manifestations for either the boys, or my niece to become violent adolescents and/or adults?

any information will be greatly appreciated.

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

Just don't expose your children to kids like that. You'll never be able to change someone else's parenting style. Praise your children for their good behavior, and if you have to go over tell your kids they are welcome to stay with you, and let them bring their own toys. Personally I'd be pretty up front about why the kids aren't playing together, but that's me.

[Prettyladie]

they dont need mental health care or cps. they need a good whooping. thats just me.

[Pierrette]

they dont need mental health care or cps. they need a good whooping. thats just me.

And the parents need one, too.

[Multicollinearity, BSN, RN]

i wanted to know from people who have experienced these types of children, (7 & 9 years old), and how to handle this type of situation? is there a situation to handle at all? are these boys at risk for schizophrenic? do they need mental health care or cps? are these clinical manifestations for either the boys, or my niece to become violent adolescents and/or adults?

i would not associate with these people at all. i would not attempt to fix anything.

[Prettyladie]

AMEN!

[feralnostalgia]

I only took a few psychology classes and only one specifically on abnormal psychology, but I don't think the kids sound at all schizophrenic from your description...I'd just avoid them as much as possible and let the parents know why.

by the by, no mental health professionals recommend physically punishing children by spanking/hitting/etc. if anything, that just tells kids that violence is an ok way to solve problems. "I'm going to hit you to show you hitting people is wrong!" doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me...positive reinforcement is the way to go.

the American Psychological Association has released a public statement on the subject...

While conducting the meta-analysis, which included 62 years of collected data, Gershoff looked for associations between parental use of corporal punishment and 11 child behaviors and experiences...

Gershoff found "strong associations" between corporal punishment and all eleven child behaviors and experiences. Ten of the associations were negative such as with increased child aggression and antisocial behavior. The single desirable association was between corporal punishment and increased immediate compliance on the part of the child.

to reiterate: the largest mental health organization in america has publicly stated that over 60 years of research indicates that spanking/hitting/beating/whooping children makes them more violent, not less.

[Magsulfate, BSN, RN]

Tell your brother your concerns. Sit down and talk to him about the situation at his MIL's house. And offer to have his children over to your home as much as you can. Maybe that will keep them away from their other cousins a little bit. Who knows. But, if it was my brother, I'd be having a good talking to with him, and tell him your concerns. That is your family, but you don't have to go anywhere near your brother's in laws.. that's for sure.

It sounds like your SIL's brother does not care what his kids do, and so they do it,, they get violent because they can. I'm sorry this is happening to your niece..

[Rhone]

I would offer the parents some information about how to alter aggressive behavior in their children (I'm sure there are plenty of resources out there if you look), and no, "whooping" is not the way to go. Feralnostalgia is 100% correct; it might provide a short-term way to control a child, but that control is primarily through fear and usually results in psychological problems. It also ultimately makes children more violent, since they are learning that violence is an appropriate way to deal with people.

I'm sure there are dozens of people here who would love to jump in and say "but my parents whooped me and it worked!" Seeing as you guys are nurses (or students), I'd like to think that no one here would have to explain the scientific method and the disadvantages of anecdotal evidence.

Anyway, I would also politely explain to the parents that you absolutely refuse to allow them anywhere near your children until their children's behavior is under control.

[DeeAngel]

I agree with what Rhone has to say. If you have the discussion and nothing changes then it is time to disengage as much as humanly possible from these people.

There is a reason why those kids are hellions and whatever it is it's only get much worse as they get older and bigger.

If things don't change and change radically, stay far far away from these people. There is something very wrong going on there.

[Rach2of3]

Sounds like there is a lot of abuse going on in that family. Children mimic their parents. If it were me, my child's safety and mental wellbeing comes first. I would not let them associate.

[Jules A, MSN]

I thought I'd add my two cents as a pediatric/adolescent psych nurse. Not giving medical advice to you but just suggesting you seek professional help for them. First off as others have said under no circumstances would my child be in the company of any of these kids except in the case with the girl in your daughter's class and if necessary I'd give her teacher a heads up. Secondly I would have a talk with your brother and since it sounds like the girl in the family is truly in danger I would follow up with the appropriate authorities if he doesn't take your concerns seriously. You may ruin your relationship with your brother but imo you don't have a choice and frankly he doesn't sound like such a prize anyway. While these kids don't sound schizophrenic they surely do sound like they have some serious behavioral issues that are likely mental health related. Sadly these things do not just go away they escalate. If they were mine they would be EPd on an acute unit for evaluation and possibly medication adjustments. Good luck and please keep us posted.