Caught in the web of a workplace romance.

1. I know it happens, I just never figured it would happen to me. I'm married (not happily) and I have been having warm fuzzy feelings for a single male NP who rounds here. I'm in my 30's and he is about 60 but he is very kind and dignified--silver fox. He is youthful and single and is looking for a partner. I am embarrassed but feel very drawn to him and it's even painful. :imbar I wonder if anyone can share their experience with a similar situation?

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2. 

   About TreehuggerRN

   Joined: Oct '09; Posts: 70; Likes: 38
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3. 
   Nov 3, '09

   
   you said you're not happy in your marriage-i would start doing things right from the beginning as they will only get more complicated if you're in a love triangle. get divorced, be free to go after someone single after you free yourself.
   
   best of luck!
4. 
   Nov 3, '09

   I think everyone's gotten a crush on someone at work at some time. However, you are not free. Spapre everyone the drama and stay away.
5. 
   Nov 3, '09

   Seriously, what are you thinking?
   
   This is a good way to get hurt, hurt others, and feel tremendously guilty.
6. 
   Nov 3, '09

   Two ways to go about it: 1) Either focus your attention and energy on working things out with your marriage (if you were happy in the first place & truly valued your spouse & relationship, you would have kept your distance and made sure the crush would have remained a crush) or 2) Get a divorce, take a breather, and then pursue your silver fox.
   
   Someone always gets hurt in love triangles. Always. Do not start anything with the NP unless you're free. Don't even try to rationalize it.
   
   Good luck!
7. 
   Nov 3, '09

   OHHHH you go girl!!! But I agree with Chapis-do things right and in order.....
   If there's no true reconcilliation between you and your spouse...and remember to be professional at work at all times..... GO FOR IT!!!
8. 
   Nov 3, '09

   never,never, never have a workplace romance married or not
9. 
   Nov 3, '09

   The grass is not always greener on the other side. A friend of mine told me something interesting a while back while he was dating around..."I'd rather have people show me their ugly side, so I know what their worst is from the start". So, pretty much once that warm, fuzzy feeling fades...you may not like what you see...if he is even interested.

   Last edit by nyteshade on Nov 3, '09
10. 
    Nov 3, '09

    Don't do that to your spouse. It's not fair. If you are not happily married get out. Another thing, if you are not happy in a relationship make sure that you are happy with YOURSELF before you start diving into another.
    
    Be professional and mature.
11. 
    Nov 3, '09

    Our fantasies while married and reality rarely are mirror images of each other.
    
    Know what jumped out at me about your post? No mention of him being interested. Maybe you just didn't want to advertise such details or something, but still...........I don't get from your post that he is interested. And I'd think less of him if he were.........U R married.
    
    I am recently divorced. When I found out I was getting divorced, I had that little list of people that made me say "If I had known this then." I even went out on dates with two of them. It was not what I imagined it would be like. One I avoid like the plague now........my divorce wasn't even final yet and she is talking about moving in and "you're going to be a great father." Bah.
12. 
    Nov 3, '09

    I was in this very situation a little over a year ago, except he was a very flirtatious lab worker. I even knew it was JUST a physical attraction, but that didn't stop the thoughts of him running through my mind all the time. My ex and I separated and within a week or two I and the other guy had dated a few times. It didn't lead to anything special in my case, but that doesn't mean it won't for you. But be aware that divorce still brings up a lot of feelings (many negative) even if you're not in love with your spouse. I would definitely advise initiating a friendship with the NP first, and keeping it on that level until you know what's going to happen with your husband. But since he (the NP) isn't around all the time, it doesn't sound like major drama would ensue if you dated and it didn't work out at some point. Good luck whatever you decide.
13. 
    Nov 3, '09

    Are you sure you are not just so attracted to him because you are so unhappy at home?
14. 
    Nov 3, '09

    Save yourself a LOT of pain and stay AWAY, you'll be thankful that you did down the road, sister. The grass always looks greener, use wisdom!

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