Bullying or Not? Rant! - page 2

I just started a new job a month ago, and one senior co-worker is outright mean. I do not want to divulge details about where I work but it is in a doctors office setting. I don't know if I am just... Read More

  1. by   TriciaJ
    If this is a good job then it's a good job with a few flaws. You are not going to change her behaviour with clever responses, trying to be friends or confronting her. It's not your place to judge her behaviour, just put your head down and learn to do the job. Inappropriate laughing or giggling will not help your credibility so learn to curtail it. When in a new job, especially when you have coworkers who are unfriendly and overbearing, it's best to follow their lead. If they're being taciturn, not the time to be bubbly. If they deign to say good morning to you, return the greeting.

    Seems like what they really want from you is to show you're serious about getting good at this job. Make that your priority. Once they start to trust you, you may be surprised at how the dynamic changes. Nurse Fartalot might end up being the best mentor you ever had. Or not. It's just too soon to know or care. Good luck.
  2. by   hppygr8ful
    Quote from KatieMI
    Just BTW, some people pass gas a whole lot and have little or no control about it. Crohn's, IBD, even labor/delivery issues gone wrong can lead to it. It is not always correctable condition, and it is embarrassing like not many other things but some of us just have no other choice.

    Everything else, well... (hugs). If soft addressing the issues with the Powers doesn'the produce desired effect after second try, I would start to dust off my CV.
    UH yeah that would be me! !8 inches of my colon removed in 2012 with a reversal of a colostomy 6 months later. I now have what's called short bowel syndrome. My gastro says I need to eat at least a cup of cruciferous vegetables a day which as you may guess leads to lots of flatulence. Still I will always try to get outside when I feel an episode coming on still it's sometimes attacks with the speed of a ninja . Most of my co-workers understand that it's an embarrassing situation for me and we all try to handle it with gentle discretion.

  3. by   SororAKS
    If someone stands there and taps their foot to get me to hurry up, unless the place is on fire or the patient is coding, I'm going to take my time and do it right. You are new, the paperwork is going to take time to get used to. You can't change her but you can stand your ground.

    I wouldn't go out of my way to be civil to someone that can't even be bothered to say good morning. Nodding once in acknowledgement is good enough.

    There isn't a good reason to "haze" new people. It's unprofessional.
  4. by   bluebirdflyx
    Others have given some good advice so I will just add that I think you should learn to embrace my favorite interpersonal motto: "Don't mistake my kindness for weakness." I have had to overcome kindness, shyness, and a general temperament that doesn't like to rock the boat in order to stand up for myself and set boundaries with coworkers.
  5. by   nutella
    Quote from skittlebear
    Nutella (love your sn by the way), you hit the nail right on the head. She does get the job done. I LOVE your rational approach to my situation. You have me looking at it in a totally different light. A more logical instead of emotional light.

    At my last job (oh how I miss it) all of us co-workers were very tight and we even did things after work. I miss that. I chose to leave because of the wonderful hours and better pay at my new job. The grass isn't always greener on the other side and if I could take back my decision I would. Unfortunately, the job I left was a very sought after position and it is already filled. So, I have to make do with what I have. I had been at that job for many years so being new is very "different" for me.

    I love your approach that I need to go there and do my job and forget making friends. Why do I feel the need to be friends with my co-workers? My best friend tells me I need to leave work at work but this is very hard for me right now. I miss being the senior nurse I guess. Being new really, really sucks. Again, thank you. I love your advice.
    It is normal human nature that we want to be liked and make friends.
    If that happens - ok - if not , also ok.
    You cannot please every person but you can try to do your job as good as you can and get respected for that.
    If you miss your friends why not call them and go out with them for bowling?
    Also, if you feel you need some more socializing to balance out work and private life look into joining some book club, fitness group or such. Some spiritual communities (if you are into that) offer a bunch of socializing stuff.
    I am glad that the hours and pay are good !
  6. by   Neurotic Student
    She needs to get laid.

    That's what one of my coworker says about all those who radiate negativity.

    It's really difficult to work with someone like that, I can only hope that you become friends with other people there and have some allies. When I have difficult coworkers like that, the thing that gets me through is the fulfillment of finishing my work and bonding with my patients and ally coworkers.

    I think you are handling her really well at this moment with your replies. The kind of comments she makes, I have observed from some coworker nurses but I am thankful I don't have to work with them directly. You will get the hang of it and do well at your job, and then she will probably still find something bad to say. These people rarely change. What I don't understand is the farting! That is really offensive. We know it's a natural bodily function but that is rude! With malicious intent!
  7. by   FUTURERNXO
    Weigh the pros and cons of working there. If the pros outweigh the cons, then stay as far away from her as possible.

    If the cons outweigh it, continue staying there, and maybe search for a similar type of job somewhere else.

    You don't want to be miserable at your work... however remember it's work. I'm not sure about where you live but where I live the economy still is HORRIBLE and finding a job is very ​hard (almost impossible really haha).
  8. by   terri visco
    apparently, the woman you are dealing with was not the 1st pick to train you. i'm sorry you have to deal with her. older nurses are sometimes hard to deal with. hopefully, i'm not one of them. keep your chin up. she's probably a sweety....hopefully...and will be more helpful. hugs.
  9. by   kiwi111
    Quote from skittlebear
    I would also like to add that I am a very sweet person (and that is also my downfall). One of my nursing instructors back in nursing school gave me very constructive criticism that If I'm not careful, I will be walked all over in my career. I am personable with this "mean nurse". I ask her how her day is and just "small talk". When she sees me she won't even say "Good morning'. Either she really dislikes me or lacks social skills. I have never had this problem before and when I told a few of my previous co-workers this scenario they said, "What, everyone gets along with you." I guess in a perfect world but I am a people person. I am also very self-conscious and haven't grown that "thick skin" yet. Once I know my job my skin does get thicker but when I'm new it's almost translucent.
    Oh my your exactly like me personality wise I don't have thick skin so I get trampled a lot for being "nice". My nursing instructor also told me the same thing. She said I'd get bullied for sure, Worse part is i'm a new grad. I have nothing to back me up.
  10. by   Guttercat
    You lost me at the whole fart thing.

  11. by   llg
    Crudeness, coarseness, vulgarity, etc. do not equal "bullying." She sounds like a disgusting person to work with, but I don't think she is significantly "bullying" you. She is just not a very nice person and she is a lousy teacher -- but I don't think there is anything personal about it: she is not out to get you, etc. I'll bet she is that way to everyone.

    Don't take it personally. Don't blow it up into a huge thing. Learn you new job and keep her at arm's length. You'll avoid to the bad smells.
  12. by   tom7044
    I with keeping cool, calm and professional. Once your orientation is complete, will you possible have an opportunity to meet with the office manager and possibly this nurse and discuss simply and succinctly what your experience was like. Unfortunately, there are some nurses that are simply "crude". This behavior does not belong in the workplace. When these nurses are very good at the tasks involved, it makes it more difficult on managers and supervisors. That does no free them from their responsibility of seeing to a smooth running operation. It costs a lot of money to hire and train a nurse and if this person has been responsible for two nurses leaving, that is an important point. Often managers will attempt to excuse rude and inappropriate behavior by saying: "that is just her personality" or "he/she is a bit crusty..." That doesn't excuse unprofessional behavior either. Sometimes this indicates an individual with narcissistic traits and that is difficult to deal with. Bottom line, she represents the whole practice as a group. If this is in front of the patients or people that do not work there , it is not a good public image to have. Your orientation will end soon and then please take it to the next level and save the next good nurse that comes along from this type of inappropriate behavior.