Breastfeed or else

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Specializes in Education, Acute, Med/Surg, Tele, etc.

Hey now Gompers...you post is very rational and worth the read! I agreed with you 100%

I have seen new mothers have so much pain from breastfeeding that it was torture and they wanted to stop, but their family would chastize them making that new mom feel like she was killing her child by not breastfeeding. Or the constant "hey my mom breastfed me and all the woman in our family will!" thing too...heard that time and time again!!!!!!

Or me for instance...I tried for 4 months, and my little angel just wouldn't leave the breast! He would cry if I moved a bit and broke the latch and he was almost unconsolable. I was a captive in my rocking chair as still and as tired as I was...hoping I didn't move and break latch by nodding off! This was 24/7!

I had to quit after that! I was crabby, I was sleep deprived, I was getting sick often, and I couldn't get anything done, not even cook or do dishes because even one armed I would break latch and WAAAAAAA!!!!!! He would go into a long drawn out fit!!!!!!!!

I made it 4 months this way 24/7 and I feel that I did the best I could! I started the gradual change to formula...and yes, there were people around me that made me feel guilty as heck! I had no doubt I would breast feed..but holly cow..it is different from one to the next! Sometimes something has to give!

Yeah, not to mention most people that insist on breastfeeding will be the first to tell you that breastfeeding in public is nasty...or suggest you do that in a filthy mall bathroom to save them from seeing it!

I think there is a difference in having a general idea that breastfeeding is best, versus actually being educated why it is. When I had my oldest, I had no plans to breastfeed because I assumed...yeah, yeah...breastfeding is best...but those are just statistics. It's not going to make any real difference in my child's life. I definitely had no clue of the specific benefits (i.e. possible effect on IQ, protection from respiratory infections, lower incidence of certain cancers in both mother and child, etc) that breastfeeding offered.

I am all for anything that gets the word out and helps educate new parents. Education empowers...no one is harmed by having it.

I just hate articles like that. I swear I find them no matter how much I attempt avoid them. They make feel guilty and I should not let the written word do that to me. My milk never came in after my daughter was born premature. No amount of pumping was working and the LC waiting until I was alone to tell me that if I did not produce milk my daughter was going to die did not help. The NICU nurse that told me that I didn't deserve my daughter because I wasn't providing breast milk is why I want to be a NICU nurse. I want another mother who can't provide milk to at least feel like 1 person in the unit does not hate her.

As my mother and MIL both repeatedly assured me, if the neonatologist felt my daughter needed breastmilk that bad he wouldn't have suggested formula he would have been asking for donations from moms with milk.

A rhetorical question though. Why do strangers in the store/park/post office etc feel they have the right to lecture you on the value of breastmilk just because they see you have a baby? The elderly in my area were sure to harass me about breastfeeding to the point that I actually started lying and saying that I was because I didn't feel they needed my medical history.

Specializes in Day Surgery/Infusion/ED.
See, it's stuff like this that really bugs me.

To me, it's implying that women who don't breastfeed aren't taking the best care of their children. Oh, unless they have a medical reason, that is.

So it was fine for my mother not to breastfeed my brother because he was adopted? And it's fine for me not to breastfeed because I have medical reasons not to?

But any other woman who chooses not to breastfeed for non-medical reasons - it's NOT okay for her to make that decision? She's somehow not going the distance to care for her child?

We all get that breastmilk is best.

But I'm so tired of people assuming that women who don't breastfeed are lazy or that they're somehow not caring for their babies as much as they should.

I shouldn't post here. This is such a sensitive topic for me.

Let alone that the comment is coming from a man; he will never have to actually experience all that brestfeeding entails. IMO, men have absolutely no place judging women when it comes to this.

Come to think of it, no one should judge anyone else on this matter, period. It's a private matter. Give info. if it's wanted, but stop with the almost religious zealotry.

But I'm so tired of people assuming that women who don't breastfeed are lazy or that they're somehow not caring for their babies as much as they should.

I enjoyed your post too. It's amazing how some people seem to equate bottle feeding with neglect.

I can think of 15 reasons off the top of my head while some women may not breastfeed - some medical, some personal. They all have validity.

Like JVan said, it's not like you're feeding the child gasoline.

Until you've been there, it's really hard to appreciate what the hormone tide is like, or what it feels like to have little vulture jaws sucking your nipple, or what its like to suffer PPD or to be so sleep deprived that torturists have attempted to induce new-parent-sleep-deprivation on their victims, or to have engorged breasts, or mastitis, or to leak so much that you think it's raining, while ultimately you desperately want to breastfeed said vulture jaws but no matter how you try, no matter how many dollars you've given to an LC, no matter what position you try, no matter how many classes you've attended -books you've read - gadgets you've purchased, it's just not working for you. Then, on top of it all, people look at you like you're the devil himself when you give your kid a bottle.

Amanda

I just hate articles like that. I swear I find them no matter how much I attempt avoid them. They make feel guilty and I should not let the written word do that to me. My milk never came in after my daughter was born premature. No amount of pumping was working and the LC waiting until I was alone to tell me that if I did not produce milk my daughter was going to die did not help. The NICU nurse that told me that I didn't deserve my daughter because I wasn't providing breast milk is why I want to be a NICU nurse. I want another mother who can't provide milk to at least feel like 1 person in the unit does not hate her.

As my mother and MIL both repeatedly assured me, if the neonatologist felt my daughter needed breastmilk that bad he wouldn't have suggested formula he would have been asking for donations from moms with milk.

I'm so sorry you had to experience that from nurses. It's bad enough when the lay public says things like that, but when someone who is supposed to be compassionate says those things.....sheesh! Those people are what I've heard referred to as "breastfeeding Nazis."

Until you've been there, it's really hard to appreciate what the hormone tide is like, or what it feels like to have little vulture jaws sucking your nipple, or what its like to suffer PPD or to be so sleep deprived that torturists have attempted to induce new-parent-sleep-deprivation on their victims, or to have engorged breasts, or mastitis, or to leak so much that you think it's raining, while ultimately you desperately want to breastfeed said vulture jaws but no matter how you try, no matter how many dollars you've given to an LC, no matter what position you try, no matter how many classes you've attended -books you've read - gadgets you've purchased, it's just not working for you. Then, on top of it all, people look at you like you're the devil himself when you give your kid a bottle.

Amanda

I actually only had one person say anything to me: a physician that I work with. My baby needed labs at 9 days so I went to different units visiting with her. One doc saw me in the hallway holding a bottle and he yelled "What are you doing feeding that child a bottle? You should know better!"

Thank God he wasn't my doc!

Specializes in NICU.
No amount of pumping was working and the LC waiting until I was alone to tell me that if I did not produce milk my daughter was going to die did not help. The NICU nurse that told me that I didn't deserve my daughter because I wasn't providing breast milk is why I want to be a NICU nurse. I want another mother who can't provide milk to at least feel like 1 person in the unit does not hate her.

Oh my goodness! How horrible! I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

Whenever moms on our unit can't produce breastmilk or choose not to, they often have this look of guilt on their faces. I always tell them that it's okay, and that formula companies make preemie versions for a reason. Then I show them that the big companies not only make preemie formula to buy in the store after the baby goes home, but that they also make several special preemie formulas that are only available in the hospital. When they see how much work has gone into developing so many preemie formulas, they seem to feel much better.

Specializes in Pain Management.
See, it's stuff like this that really bugs me.

To me, it's implying that women who don't breastfeed aren't taking the best care of their children. Oh, unless they have a medical reason, that is.

That was what I was implying. That is my professional opinion and will remain so until proved otherwise. But, with all actions, it has to be taken in context.

So it was fine for my mother not to breastfeed my brother because he was adopted? And it's fine for me not to breastfeed because I have medical reasons not to? But any other woman who chooses not to breastfeed for non-medical reasons - it's NOT okay for her to make that decision? She's somehow not going the distance to care for her child?

The proper answer is to do whatever is in your power. If it is not a possibility, then don't worry about it. The problem is many people claim that a certain course of action is not a possibility just because it is an inconvience.

We all get that breastmilk is best.

But I'm so tired of people assuming that women who don't breastfeed are lazy or that they're somehow not caring for their babies as much as they should.

Same answer as above.

I shouldn't post here. This is such a sensitive topic for me.

Why? Most sensitive topics are sensitive for a reason, but that doesn't mean they should be ignored. My perception is that the logic behind not breast-feeding [minus the previously mentioned restrictions] is the same as not exercising, feeding your kids fast food on a regular basis, smoking, drinking alcohol [in excess, mind you]. The problem might be a lack of information, but if that is not the case, then at some point doing the proper course of action is breaking down. This happens, we are all human, and we all have time restrictions.

But because of those time restrictions, we often have to prioritize. Saddly, it is often the activities that are most beneficial that get replaced by things like sitting on the couch watching TV all night instead of going to the gym, or stopping at KFC to buy food instead of taking 15 minutes to prepare a wholesome meal.

From my [limited] perspective, these disconnects are all due to the same cause - justification of another course of action, which normally starts with "...I know I should do this but..." If you have a legitmate reason, then you can answer your own conscience. If you don't, at least be honest about the reason.

But there is a rebuttal to my point that uses the issue of priority: if we accept that breastfeeding is better, how important is it compared with all the other factors that go into being a parent? Is it better to breastfeed if your going to be upset the entire time you are nursing - which will negatively impact the child more? If you have to breastfeed for hours (happened to my ex-wife), is it better to do that as opposed to working on everything else that you need to get done?

Specializes in Pediatrics, Geriatrics, Call Center RN.

This article absolutely infuriates me. I attempted to breastfeed (pump for my preemie) all 3 of my children. It lasted about a month, all 3 had to have supplements the whole month due to the fact that I just did not make enough. My youngest currently will latch on suck for about 5 minutes, there is none left and he is screaming. It hurts me deeply that I can not/ could not give them breastmilk for atleast 6 months. But I don't need someone harping on me that what I am doing is dangerous for my children. Of my older children on is borderline overweight, and the other one doesn't gain enough weight, she is 5 years old and weighs 26lbs. So I don't completely buy into the obesity issue.

And if formula is so horrible, maybe it is time for us to raise the bar, and expect more from the formula companies.:madface:

BTW- I did everything imaginable to increase my supply. Mother's Milk tea, reglan, and nursing every hour. Nothing helped.

Specializes in 5 yrs OR, ASU Pre-Op 2 yr. ER.
My hat is off to any woman who does it and sticks with it, but not to those who want to make bottle feedering parents (and subsequently children) feel inferior.

Agree.

The proper answer is to do whatever is in your power. If it is not a possibility, then don't worry about it. The problem is many people claim that a certain course of action is not a possibility just because it is an inconvience.

And who are you to determine that a decision is made to avoid inconvenience? Until you grow breasts and have a baby and try to breastfeed yourself, I (as a woman) would not put much stock in your opinion about breastfeeding problems.

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