Hey, all ...
Remember my sweet little patient I was asking advice for a couple weeks ago? Re possibly having to go to a nursing home, which distressed him so much?
Well, went to work this A.M., and our first patient through the door asked if we had heard about "_____". We looked at him puzzled, because we had not heard anything, nor were there any messages on the answering machine. He then went on to inform us that Mr. ______ had passed away this weekend... massive heart attack while in bed.
I could NOT believe it !!! Tears immediately welled up in my eyes, and I had to go off the floor to compose myself. This just breaks my heart into pieces !
He was FINE when he left us Fri. afternoon... I remember waving at him through the wheelchair van window, as we did everytime before.... and now no more. I still can't believe it.. can't believe he won't be coming in anymore...
Oh, I know... we lose many patients over time at dialysis, and the losses are never easy. But this little man grabbed my heart from the first day he set foot in our unit, and the feeling was mutual.
I know we're not "supposed" to get attached, and certainly shouldn't have "favoroites"... but gosh, some people just have a way with your heart, and this sweet man had his way with mine !
I'm soooooooo glad I spent the last two tx. times sitting with him and going over the new options you all had helped me with.. and we had actually gotten so far as to have found him another aide who was coming in a few hours on weekends... a start.. and we were in the process of finding someone at the Sr.Ctr. who would call him every night at the same time, to assure he was in bed ok.
How vivid these little chats are now in my memory ! I still feel his hand on mine, as he patted it and thanked me for my efforts and concern for his wellbeing.
But now he's gone. And although I have accepted it, I still can hardly believe it.
Was it perhaps a blessing in disguise? Was he spared the inevitable Nursing Home in the near future ? I have to think of it this way... it comforts me.
Well, thank you for allowing me to share my grief. I must go now.. I'm off to the funeral home to pay my respects and touch his hand one last time.. and tell him how very special he was.