Blessing in Disguise ?

[jnette]

Hey, all ...

Remember my sweet little patient I was asking advice for a couple weeks ago? Re possibly having to go to a nursing home, which distressed him so much?

Well, went to work this A.M., and our first patient through the door asked if we had heard about "_____". We looked at him puzzled, because we had not heard anything, nor were there any messages on the answering machine. He then went on to inform us that Mr. ______ had passed away this weekend... massive heart attack while in bed. ....... ...

I could NOT believe it !!! Tears immediately welled up in my eyes, and I had to go off the floor to compose myself. This just breaks my heart into pieces !

He was FINE when he left us Fri. afternoon... I remember waving at him through the wheelchair van window, as we did everytime before.... and now no more. I still can't believe it.. can't believe he won't be coming in anymore...

Oh, I know... we lose many patients over time at dialysis, and the losses are never easy. But this little man grabbed my heart from the first day he set foot in our unit, and the feeling was mutual.

I know we're not "supposed" to get attached, and certainly shouldn't have "favoroites"... but gosh, some people just have a way with your heart, and this sweet man had his way with mine !

I'm soooooooo glad I spent the last two tx. times sitting with him and going over the new options you all had helped me with.. and we had actually gotten so far as to have found him another aide who was coming in a few hours on weekends... a start.. and we were in the process of finding someone at the Sr.Ctr. who would call him every night at the same time, to assure he was in bed ok.

How vivid these little chats are now in my memory ! I still feel his hand on mine, as he patted it and thanked me for my efforts and concern for his wellbeing.

But now he's gone. And although I have accepted it, I still can hardly believe it.

Was it perhaps a blessing in disguise? Was he spared the inevitable Nursing Home in the near future ? I have to think of it this way... it comforts me.

Well, thank you for allowing me to share my grief. I must go now.. I'm off to the funeral home to pay my respects and touch his hand one last time.. and tell him how very special he was.

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

Hi Jnette . . .I'm sorry for your loss. I don't think we would be good nurses if this kind of thing didn't touch our hearts. This evening we lost a baby due to uterine rupture. I just got home from the hospital after another nurse and I put him in the nursery after his family had held him for a couple of hours. Clipped a little of his hair to give them. He was a perfect little guy. Came home and had a good sob on the basement stairs.

steph

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

The blessing was that you were there for him.

If we approach our practice that we are not "supposed" to get close to patients, it would be a cold practice. I'm glad you're not like that.

Take care.

[CraftyLPN]

Originally posted by 3rdShiftGuy

The blessing was that you were there for him.

If we approach our practice that we are not "supposed" to get close to patients, it would be a cold practice. I'm glad you're not like that.

Take care.

MY thoughts exactly....hugs Jnette

[Nurse Ratched, RN]

Likely as he intended it or would have wanted it - I am a firm believer that people pick their times to go and nature takes care of the rest. Glad you could be with this fine gentleman during his trying times, jnette. He sounds like he was one of those gems we have the pleasure of running across in nursing :).

[plumrn, BSN, RN]

Thanks for being there for him. Sometimes, those of us in healthcare are so busy about our job, we forget the human being before us.

We believe that our job is ours, and any other problem is not for us to worry about- mostly because we are so busy and overworked. Thanks for stepping up to the plate for this man, and sharing your story. It will remind us all to go the extra mile.

And for you Jnette, something my mother always says, "You're earning stars in your crown."

[jnette, ASN, EMT-I]

Thank you all so much for your kind and thoughtful replies.

I'm feeling better about it today. I will miss his sweet and gentle ways for sure, but I know he's in a far better place. I do believe this is exactly how he wanted to go. Who knows... he DID have his emergency call button handy at all times to wear around his neck.. perhaps he just chose not to use it. He was in his own home, and knew the dreaded nursing home would more than likely be inevitable down the road. Perhaps this was his way of choosing and maintaining control and diginity. I'm proud for him.

After 2 years of enjoying him 3x a week, it's going to be hard... I'll be expecting him to show up every other day at a specific time.. I'll be looking at the clock.. but he won't come.

I'm so glad I got to see him one last time last night and tell him how special he was. I left a teardrop on his forehead.

There will be more like him. It's hard not to get attached.. we have some really fine patients who have been there before I ever started there.. 6 years, 3x a week... how can we NOT get attached ? It's always difficult when we lose one, but as our DON gently reminds us.." we can't cure them.. we can only be good to them and treat them with kindness and dignity while they're here under our care.. and help to put a smile on their face or give them a laugh or two."

~Steph~

My heart goes out to you. I'm so very sorry for the pain you felt last night. Infants are incredibly difficult to lose, and I feel for you and the family. Big Hugs to you.

[jadednurse]

{{{jnette}}}

I had been reading your thread about this gentleman. You surely came into his life for a reason, and he into yours. May your fond thoughts and kind words for him give you comfort.

[warrior woman]

I'm so sorry baby that this happened to you. I know this may seem like small consolation, but I consider you that man's Earth Angel. He has now gone on to a place where he will suffer no pain or infirmity, and will be surrounded by nothing but love and peace. You gave him hope and comfort during the time he was here, and that alone speaks volumes about the caring, and loving nurse you are. I love you my friend. Peace be with you. WW/Theresa.

[Hellllllo Nurse, BSN, RN]

((((((((((Jnette)))))))))))),

I have been there. I don't agree w/ people who say we are "not supposed" to get attached. Nurses are human, too.

Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise. Maybe this is a way that the pt could maintain a little control until the end.

As I've told you, I used to work in hospice, and thought I was used to death. But, it still hurts me when our dialysis pts die. I thought I'd be working w/ a less ill group of pts in dialysis, but not really!

We're here for you, Jnette. Just as you were there for your pt!

I'm sure that your care and concern was a great comfort to him. May he rest in peace.