Bathing a 7 y/o - page 2
Dear All, I have a 7 y/o daughter who sees her dad once every two to three months. He picks her up on Saturday and drops her back off on Sunday. She has a shower the morning of the day she goes... Read More
Apr 8, '04Joined: Mar '04; Posts: 5,926; Likes: 15Your post raised a huge red flag with me, having been sexually abused as a child by someone I trusted. Please, please, please look into why she is uncomfortable about the showers!
As for how often I bathe my children. I have a four year old, two year old and 6 month old and they all get bathed about once every 2-3 days depending on what has been going on here. If they are dirty, of course I bathe them more often, but that is usually only in the summer if it is nice outside and we are spending lots of time in the dirt, etc.
Apr 8, '04Joined: Mar '03; Posts: 719; Likes: 1I have 3 daughters aged 7,3 and 1, I bathe them everyday, with my wife present in the bathroom at all times.........however frequency of bathing is irrelevant here......your daughter is uncomfortable with the situation, major alarm bells ringing here. You really need to get to the bottom of this and fast, a child will not suffer from bathing once every 2 to 3 days, but if something is affecting her psychologically or heaven help physically, that will scar her for life. Please get her to a paediatrician asap, for her sake
Apr 8, '04Joined: Mar '02; Posts: 1,843; Likes: 1,237I don't know, but I think maybe you should get a note from ped saying this little girl is at an age where she wants privacy from the opposite sex, including her dad, and send that to the courts. If she has really dry skin, it's no big deal to skip a bath/shower here and there. When it's really cold in the winter my kids will skip a bath here and there and just wash the "essentials" unless they are really dirty. She should enjoy her brief visits w/ her dad, not having him force her to do uncomfortable things. Talk to your daughter's doctor about the whole deal. Your ex sounds like a bit of a jerk.
Apr 8, '04Joined: Feb '04; Posts: 59; Likes: 9You already know that something fishy is going on with your daughter/father and their relationship. You need to do something about it, even if it is just to get to the bottom of the real issue. If your daughter refuses to talk about it that is a huge red flag. I am not accusing him of anything but this warrants further investigation on your part!! We as mothers, have such a responsibility to care for our children - please don't drop this just because she won't talk about it. I hope you are realizing from the response on these threads that this is sending out red flags in all of our minds. Even if you have not recognized it, it should tell you something that some of us are believing that this is not normal. Our only wish is for the well-being of you and your daughter!!!! It is also fishy that he insists she showers at his place. LOOK INTO THIS FAST.
As for the bathing, once every couple days is fine for a child that has not entered puberty and has dry skin. Your doctor will agree with you. YOu should not be pressured into bathing her more often because HE tells yo so. Best of luck!!!
Apr 8, '04Occupation: surgical/oncology rn Joined: Mar '04; Posts: 7Dear Nurse2be,
I'm sorry If I say it right in the open: I don't think this is a case for a need of a shower on daily basis nor is this about dry skin. I don't understand how other nurses are giving advice on which creams to use for dry skin! Do you have any reason to suspect that your ex-husband is molesting your daughter? Because it appears this way. I find it disturbing that your husband insists on your daughter undressing in front of him or letting him wash her! At 7 years of age she should be able to resfuse a bath if it makes her uncomfortable! And he askes for Dr.'s note to tell him to stop bathing the girl that's old enough to refuse the bath!? If this was my daughter I would be very concerned , especially if child is trying to tell me something like this. She is being forced to undress infront of a man (even if he is her father) that she sees only once every month or two! It appears to me your daughter is trying to tell you something. Talk to her. And take her to see pediatrician and psychiatrist so they can look for signs of abuse/rape.
Please, open your eyes and protect your daughter before something terrible happens!
Quote from Nurse2beDear All,
I have a 7 y/o daughter who sees her dad once every two to three months. He picks her up on Saturday and drops her back off on Sunday. She has a shower the morning of the day she goes to visit him; but he insists that she needs a shower the next morning too. Not only does she have dry skin, she expresses that she doesn't like to take a shower while she's with him. I typically give her a shower every 2 to 3 days. Am I showering my daughter too infrequently? Just curious how often you all bathe your kiddos. I've asked him to please not give her a shower while she's with him - and he's insisting that he'll need a doctor's note to that effect if that's what I want to happen.
Anyhow - thanks in advance for any input.
Apr 8, '04Joined: Apr '02; Posts: 38,756; Likes: 16,286Quote from cyberkatyes, some alarms are going off here, too. this concerns me.It bothers me that she says she's uncomfortable about bathing at her father's house. I think there's more at issue here than cleanliness and dry skin.
Definitely I'd look closer into the matter.
Apr 8, '04Joined: Apr '02; Posts: 38,756; Likes: 16,286and a note about eczema.....doctors WILL recommend you cut down on baths as a FIRST line of defense in cases of eczema and very dry skin. Meds are fine, but not the only and first answer. I bathe my daughter (who is 5 and has eczema) only 2-3 times a week and she smells fine. Yes, clean faces, hands and other "strategic" areas are a must, but really an everyday bath is NOT, unless they are really soiled. AND if you MUST bathe, be careful soaps you use and NO washcloths or scrubby things. Plain oatmeal soap and lathering up gently is MORE than enough. We have managed to stop having to use any meds on my daughter since adopting just a few changes, like eliminating perfumes, certain soaps/laundry detergents and washcloths.Last edit by SmilingBluEyes on Apr 8, '04
Apr 8, '04Occupation: SAHM, pre-med student, potential world leader Joined: Feb '04; Posts: 1,172; Likes: 12ahem....stay at home mom of 3 who wishes she could bathe everyday.. :imbar
SO- I am in agreement with previous posters re: privacy issues and her saying she doesn't want to discuss it with you.....red flag to me.
Please see if you can't determine weather or not the issue is just about the shower....
Apr 8, '04Occupation: Home Health Patient Education Resource Nurse Specialty: 10 year(s) of experience in Hemodialysis, Home Health ; From: US ; Joined: Aug '02; Posts: 21,359; Likes: 7,204It might even be something as simple as the child being uncomfortable due to the fact that she doesn't see her father but just every so often, ... the relationship isn't what it used to be... she may feel distanced from him emotionally, even physically... and feels her privacy is being compromised by what may have become to her, this "stranger" in her life.
But as stated above, the mere fact that she herself has said she doesn't want to, that it makes her uncomfortable, and that "SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT" tells me there is more to the story... and that I would be wanting to get to the bottom of it.
For the few times he sees her, it would appear to ME that he'd want to be spending as many happy and enjoyable hours and minutes with her doing FUN things, to make the visits memorable... rather than insisting she shower at his house... ESPECIALLY if he sees she is not comfortable with this. (??????)
Apr 8, '04Occupation: Pedi RN Joined: Sep '00; Posts: 2,728; Likes: 109I wonder why she feels uncomfortable with him.
Apr 8, '04Occupation: pre-nursing student, secretary - non-medical Joined: Jan '01; Posts: 1,761; Likes: 46I agree that if the child's skin is dry then there is no need to bathe them every single day in the winter time. Children aren't like adults in that they don't get oily, greasy or odorous if they don't bathe 24/7.
Another perspective to your daughter not wanting to bathe there.
I remember when I was young my parents divorced when I was about 3. I loved my dad very much and he never raised a hand to me, never even disciplined me, but his job always kept him living in other cities and relocating, sometimes even other countries and despite phone calls, it isn't the same as seeing a parent day in and day out.
I also remember when he was in town, having my visitations with him at my grandmother's house. Of course I would be due for a bath, change of clothes,etc. and the thought of having to do that in front of my father even at the age of 7 would have had me MORTIFIED!
I even remember one time being that age and my dad was over my mother's house. All I needed was my hair washed which my mother proceeded to do in the kitchen sink while my dad was in the living room. I remember my mother wanting me to take my shirt off and wrap a towel around and I probably fainted at the thought of having no top on while my dad was in the next room.
So, I do not think it is odd that she is uncomfortable with this, kids at that age realize the differences between men and women and begin to understand sexuality related to their physical body.
What does bother me though, is that from the way you describe it, the man insists on helping her with this?!?! She is seven years old and I am sure needs no help in this department. Either something fishy is going on or dad needs a lesson on what seven year olds are capable of.
No offense, but the guy sounds like a real jerk making you get a doctor's note explaining why she doesn't need a bath.
I would try to broach the subject with your daughter as to why she is so uncomfortable discussing this with you and observe for any other signs of something else going on. It could be that she is just embarrassed by the fact that her father insists on treating her like a child, if she feels distension between the two of you she may not want to make waves.
Apr 8, '04Specialty: ER ; Joined: Apr '03; Posts: 806; Likes: 93My daughter is seven,nearly eight, and she would NOT be a happy camper if her Dad, (whom she adores, and lives in the home, and sees everyday) helped her in the shower. She would be humiliated, actually. She has just recently decided that she doesn't really want me to help her, either. We bought special no tears, no tangle shampoo so she can handle her hair herself.
Have you tried compromising with Dad?...telling him she is at the age where mosesty kicks in. He and could allow her to wash up on her own, if he INSISTS. She doesn't necessarily have to wash her hair, those days. If he persists, I would REALLY wonder what the heck is going on.
Apr 8, '04Joined: Apr '04; Posts: 34I have thought about this more( I couldn't stop, I even discussed this with my co-workers) First off is it an order saying that she has to spend time with him? If there is I doubt if it says that it is okay for him to come around every once in a while. I would tell him to kiss my *** the next time he came to get her. If you won't stop giving her a bath to hell with you. Tell him you have her all day everyday and his "be a daddy when you want to " butt isn't needed. Secondly I would take the baby to the doctor, He might be a pervert(don't put anything past a him because he is her dad) It is okay that you only give her a bath everyday as long as the IMPORTANT AREAS are washed. You don't have to have a letter saying you don't want her to have a bath everyday, being her mommy is all the note you need. I WISH I were you because I would tell that sorry SOB somthing. And now I have to question his wife. What kind of real woman think that this is cool? She know that when she was 7 she didn't want a man giving her a bath. I was raised by my dad and at the age of five I would only let him see my chest( I thought it was okay since our chest looked alike...flat) As I got older there wasn't anyway my dad or brothers could see me. Now that I am older if my brother or someone walks in and I have on my underwear ohhhh well. But the thing is... Im older, and I am comfortable.