"You brought it on yourself"-vent

[AngelfireRN, MSN, RN, APRN]

I read a while back on here about a nurse who was assaulted by a patient, who had kissed her. I responded quite vehemently at the time, but have had cause to rethink my stand, and am now in a position to sympathize and identify with what she must have felt like.

Long story short, obnoxious patient, had cursed everyone out that had come in his room, was being abusive to the nurses and ancillary staff until I showed up. He was being a real peach in general, and I asked about a test he had had done away from the hospital, as I needed the records. He did not know the doc who did the test, but he did have the # in his phone. I asked if I could have it, and suddenly I was his Angel of Mercy. I was the only one who had paid attention to him in 12 hours. I was IT!

And so he proceeds to tell the doc how wonderful I am, how inferior he is, and embarrassed the crap out of me in front of my colleagues. (I apologized about 10 times, the doc thought it was humorous) Several happenstances later, I notify doc of the potential for a long delay in testing for this patient, and he says that he would let him go home, if he had anyone to follow up with. Cue me to pull the # from my pocket. Doc sets everything up, I head off the floor, only to be intercepted by Mr. Wonderful, who, upon hearing the happy news, grabs me by my shoulders and leans in. I don't know what he was aiming for, but I ducked and he got my head.

I was so mad and so sick, I could not eat lunch. I wanted to wash my face with alcohol.

So, I tell my DH about all this, and he says I brought it on myself! Said that I had no business trying to get him out of there, that I should have just let him rot, as he put it.

Now, I remember when I was a floor nurse, and all the abuse I used to take. I would have dearly loved for someone to take steps to get rid of an abusive patient, be it the doc, NP, or whomever. And now that I am in a position to do something about it, I did. To the best of my ability, and as quickly as I could. Was I wrong for that? DID I bring it on myself?

I still feel dirty, despite several, and I mean SEVERAL baths over the weekend. I know it's a natural reaction, but to those of you who can sympathize, how do you get over it? I honestly stopped short of decking the guy, for fear of keeping my job. Had it not been for that, and the fact that I was so stunned, he'd have been bloody.

I apologize for the ramble. I know of the one that posted earlier about a similar occurrence, but has anyone else had this happen? WHY do patients think it's OK to kiss on people they don't know from Adam's housecat? Ugh!

How did you handle it? How long before it stops feeling icky?

And to the poster who went through this earlier, you have my deepest sympathy.

[caliotter3]

Was he drunk and with poor hygiene? My employer thought I should welcome assault by a drunken bum who didn't know what a bath, shaving, or deodorant are.

[AngelfireRN, MSN, RN, APRN]

Nope, sober as a judge, and well-kept. My OM said that she would have stood behind me if I had decked him, she has been the unwilling recipient of such advances herself.

He was just MEAN. Oh, and I forgot to mention that he told me that, by the time he was ready to be discharged, I should have my divorce finalized and be ready to go with him. Thought a lot of himself, that one. (full body shudder)

[caliotter3]

Be very careful. The man may be enough of a nut to stalk you down outside of work. It does happen. I can vouch for that. And I wouldn't expect any backup from the employer. If they do anything, they will blame you, and look for ways to get rid of you, because after you have been assaulted, they see you as a liability.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

it's difficult to admit you were wrong and apologize. kudoes to you for doing so. i'd say your dh needs a thump in the head, but perhaps that was something you brought on yourself. (sorry . . . couldn't resist.)

as the recipient of unwanted patient advances in the past, i can sympathsize. and then when someone tells you you brought it on yourself by being too nice, too available or too whatever, it's doubly painful. but now you know that.

patient's are people, and some of them are not very nice people. some of them are nasty, manipulative people, and some of them need to make themselves feel good by making someone else feel bad. some of them genuinely believe they're god's gift to women and you ought to be flattered by the attention. you didn't do anything to cause this patient's behavior, and you did the best you could to avoid it. now tell your husband he should know better and thump him on the head for me.

[StNeotser, ASN, RN]

Well, you know damned well you didn't bring it upon yourself. Don't be beating yourself up. I wish this attitude of DH had gone out with corsets and prohibition.

What upsets me more is that there is the odd woman out there that have said that you "have to expect this sort of thing in nursing" or "it goes with the job"

As to how long for the icky feeling to go away - I just don't know.

[leslie :-D]

ok, call me slow, but i'm trying to picture exactly what happened.

you ducked, so he ________ed your head...

he kissed your head?

like, the forehead or top of head?

because if he kissed the top of your head, i would have loved to respond with a panicked look on my face and immediately ask..."you didn't get any lice in your mouth, did you???"

you just gotta have a strong self-esteem to pull that off, though.

no, of course you didn't do anything wrong.

what, now we're supposed to treat our obnoxious pts like garbage??

now, submerge your head in a bucket of bleach.

...unless you got your 'cootie shot'.

heh.

leslie

[PostOpPrincess, BSN, RN]

You were assaulted, and your personal space was compromised.

You have a right to feel offended.

Often under the effects of anesthesia, I hear some morally, degrading disgusting things from people--I wonder what their mindset is really like when they are home...alone...disgusting people.

You didn't ask for it, that's for sure..your hubby is totally in the wrong here and let him know I said so.

When you are done disinfecting yourself via HazMat methods, you will cool down and laugh at this later.

Not now, I know, but later.

[RN1982]

I honestly don't know why you share work experiences with your husband. He doesn't seem to get it i.e. you were assaulted by this patient.

[Katie5]

Call me slow, but I was sitting here wondering what the heck "DH" stood for until Turnleftside( hilarious username by the way:)) said it out. *Chuckle**

[leslie :-D]

Call me slow, but I was sitting here wondering what the heck "DH" stood for until Turnleftside( hilarious username by the way:)) said it out. *Chuckle**

i wonder which 'version' she shared w/you.

leslie

[AngelfireRN, MSN, RN, APRN]

Nope, you're right, he doesn't. I guess I shared that because I was still fuming after I got home, and he wanted to know why. Other times, just to vent. He does the same to me, and I have no idea what goes on at his work. But I don't tell him he brought it on himself when a tower overflows, either.