gay partner's visiting

fergus51 · Mar 9, 2004

I think issues like this certainly aren't limited to rural or "Christian" areas. I work in a large, urban, diverse center and there are several nurses who don't hide their disdain for certain patients (and HIV seems to be a major issue). I got into it with one nurse about it... "Are you going to have sex with the baby? Share IV drugs? No? Then you're good, don't be a jackass"....

I think the real issue is power of attorney for those who can't speak for themselves. I think that's an issue for everyone. If you are in a relationship and want that person to make decisions instead of a family member, you need to get it in writing.

allnurses Guide · Mar 9, 2004

I think issues like this certainly aren't limited to rural or "Christian" areas. I work in a large, urban, diverse center and there are several nurses who don't hide their disdain for certain patients (and HIV seems to be a major issue). I got into it with one nurse about it... "Are you going to have sex with the baby? Share IV drugs? No? Then you're good, don't be a jackass"....
I think the real issue is power of attorney for those who can't speak for themselves. I think that's an issue for everyone. If you are in a relationship and want that person to make decisions instead of a family member, you need to get it in writing.

I guess that is where I'm confused Fergus . . . can't you designate anyone you choose to make your medical decisions for you should you be incapacitated? Isn't it your choice? They do not have to be family members, do they?

The reason I mentioned "rural" is because the stereotype is all the bigots live in small towns - you know, backwood rednecks are always homophobic . . . .maybe I have a chip on my shoulder because I love living in a small town and don't see any blatant bigotry here and get tired of being stereotyped. Not that that was even mentioned so far in this thread except by me :) Blame extreme fatigue . . .

steph

Marty1 · Mar 9, 2004

I cannot see why any hospital would prevent anyone from visiting unless the person was harmful to the patient or causing some untoward response.

Gay , straight or otherwise..

dragonladymlb · Mar 9, 2004

A Health Surragate can be any one that you designate. As long as they are of legal majority.

fergus51 · Mar 9, 2004

I guess that is where I'm confused Fergus . . . can't you designate anyone you choose to make your medical decisions for you should you be incapacitated? Isn't it your choice? They do not have to be family members, do they?
The reason I mentioned "rural" is because the stereotype is all the bigots live in small towns - you know, backwood rednecks are always homophobic . . . .maybe I have a chip on my shoulder because I love living in a small town and don't see any blatant bigotry here and get tired of being stereotyped. Not that that was even mentioned so far in this thread except by me :) Blame extreme fatigue . . .
steph

Yep, it can be anyone, but it has to be put into a legally binding document. Sadly, many young people probably don't think of such things. I don't know if you did when you were young and first married, but luckily you didn't have to. Unfortunately being gay means you have to plan more or risk having your wished ignored.

I am with you on the rural thing. I am from rural, now living in the city and I have seen more bigotry here than I ever did in my small hometown. That's why I mentioned it. People here seem to think they are the cultural capital of the country and everything is the hippest and most progressive here, but I have seen and heard things from nurses that make me embarassed to be in the same profession. And it doesn't tend to come from the evang Christian nurses here either. Won't say who I see it from most on a bb, but it isn't the stereotypical redneck by any means!

unknown99, BSN, RN · Mar 9, 2004

In my opinion, family is who the patient says is family.

tylerlvn · Mar 9, 2004

I live in a "Christian" area - and we treat patients with respect. I agree with the post above family is who the patient says it is regardless of their sexual orientation.

JayneG · Mar 9, 2004

i'm not "out" at work, but rumors get around...

and for those who don't know, i get to listen to them slam and imitate gay & lesbian patients (and patients with hiv or aids) during report, and talk about how "sick and disgusting" the patient is and how they don't want to care for them... and i've heard them do the same when a gay male nurse floated to our floor and provided wonderful care to all his patients for 12 long hours and was such a blessing to work with... recently a good friend and co-worker was caring for a gay man on our floor, and invited his partner to stay past visiting hours and finish watching the movie they were watching together, and they were both astounded... and told her after that she was the first person who had treated them like humans this admission... how embarrassing for us all working in a "helping caring profession" such as this...

and for those who do know, i get to walk up to whispered conversations that end when i approach... i get to walk in on conversations in the break room or in the med room that end abruptly when i arrive... and when my patient was named "richard", a co-worker made a big joke of me taking care of "dick"...

i provide wonderful care to all of my patients... all of them... the alcoholics, the drug users, the wife beaters, the molesters, those who have been married 5 times, those who don't pay child support, those who have no insurance, those who don't take their meds, and those who look down on me because i'm "only a nurse" working for an hourly wage... i treat each of them with respect and dignity... and i do it willingly, because there's nothing else in the world i'd rather do for a living...

and yes, i have a health care proxy form filled out and witnessed, i mailed a copy to each of my children, i gave a copy to each of my health care proxies, and i carry a copy in my wallet at all times... my partner calls the shots and will follow all my wishes we've discussed at great length, and she will be at my side every moment that i want her there... living wills, health care proxies, powers of attorney, are all available legal documents meant to protect everyone, gay or straight, married or single... i can't even imagine deciding who can and can't visit one of my patients...

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Mar 9, 2004

Jayne, your coworkers are bigoted idiots, so much so that I can't imagine taking any opinions they have seriously.

But I do know that when you are surrounded by fools it wears you down. You are probably a breath of fresh air to the patients you care for. When allnurses starts it's own hospital we will have you on our recruiting list.

tylerlvn · Mar 9, 2004

Jayne, I too am so sorry you have to work in this environment. You deserve to be treated much better. It makes me sad and angry to see nurses and patients treated this way. Try to take comfort in the knowledge that you are a good nurse and a caring human being - which is alot more than the nurses you work with.

jnette, ASN, EMT-I · Mar 9, 2004

Jayne, your coworkers are bigoted idiots, so much so that I can't imagine taking any opinions they have seriously.
But I do know that when you are surrounded by fools it wears you down. You are probably a breath of fresh air to the patients you care for. When allnurses starts it's own hospital we will have you on our recruiting list.

Whoooooooooooooot !!!

Reckon that will be Brian's next business venture? With all the input he's received from nurses all these years, he should have a pretty good idea of how to make things work... for patients AND nurses !!!

And I agree... Kudos to you for not wilting in that toxic environment ! :kiss

JayneG · Mar 10, 2004

thank you, each of you, for all the smiles :) ...