Gay labeling, is it just plain mean? Or sexual harrassment?

flightnurse2b, LPN · Nov 4, 2007

some people have this silly ignorant stigma about male nurses... i dont think most people mean to be mean, they just are still kinda stuck in the thought maybe that nursing is a female profession...and we all know its not true! heres a story that kinda goes along with this...i am engaged to a male RN who i met while we were working together in another hospital... he is the one of the most excellent, patient and thourough nurses i have ever worked with. anyway, when we decided we were moving to NC, at my going away party i was talking to one of the day shift nurses and she asked me why i was moving. when i said "im moving with jason"... she busted out laughing and said "but jasons gay! ive never met a straight male nurse!" and i was like ok, lady... not only inappropriate but not true... but i definately think if it made you really uncomfortable, confront the person before they make another comment... let them know its rude and unprofessional.. its not their business if you were gay or not, and it doesnt make you any less of a competent nurse!

suanna · Nov 4, 2007

I guess I'm in the minority on this one but I wouldn't waste my time talking to the idiot who made the comment. That type of crude sophmoric comment has no place in the workplace or in nursing. See your administrator ASAP- file a incident report and hope the person gets the boot. You got to see what type of person they are- do you realy want an ignorant, judgmental, bigoted, narrowminded, pig like that to be part of the health care team you work for?

My father had a saying that I've quoted before-

"Don't teach a pig to whistle- it wastes your time and annoys the pig!"

CANurse2B · Feb 29, 2008

Imagine this comment made in the Fire or Police Department, " OOOO! Look, one Lesbian giving an incident report to another Lesbian"...I doubt anyone would have a problem finding it both cruel and realizing the need to report it immediately to supervisors. It should be reported!

BypassThisNurse · Mar 5, 2008

. I'm not saying that you don't have a right to be upset, because you do... I'm just saying that you should ask yourself honestly what those reasons of being upset really are... quote]
As a gay man, I was thinking the same thing. What is the reason you are upset? Is it because you took this female nurses' remark as homophobic and insensitive to gay men? Maybe it is simply because you feel that sexuality (of any type) is off limits in the workplace. Or is it because you were mislabeled ... specifically as a homosexual?

Medic2RN, BSN, RN, EMT-P · Mar 5, 2008

Imagine this comment made in the Fire or Police Department, " OOOO! Look, one Lesbian giving an incident report to another Lesbian"

It happens more than anyone would think, unfortunately.

ttboy17 · Mar 9, 2008

hey man, do whatever is going to make you feel the best about the situation. I'm fairly aggressive so an immediate quick warning would have been my response, but not everyone is comfortable with that. Whatever you decide, don't let it affect who you talk to or how you feel about this profession. That would suck.

BrokenRNheart · Mar 17, 2008

That is totally inappropriate and unnecessary. I have worked with a lot of "feminine" males. I had a roofing business and my BEST roofer was "gay." My favorite hair stylist was "gay."

There is appropriate behavior and inappropriate. I do not believe any form of sexuality should be presented this way in any work setting whether it has to do with being gay, a nimph or a hooker. My "gay" co-workers were fun, loving, good nurses and great friends.

I think that is definite grounds for discipline and unacceptable. I have never experienced this and I am shocked that you did. I got the feeling that male nurses whether they were gay or not were very welcome in this field. I love having males in the field with us and don't even try to figure out their sexuality. I am kinda partial to the "feminine" guys because they make great friends and great nurses. They are also very fun to work with.

siggie13 · Mar 17, 2008

It was a CRUEL, INSENSITIVE thing to say and I doubt if it was thoughtless; I think that person put a lot of thought into her "put-downs" and undoubtedly, has said other slurs to other nurses. She has probably been ignored, thought of as being funny, or just not taken seriously.

:nono: :stoneShe needs to be confronted and told that her remarks are inappropriate and have to stop now. If she can't seem to get why you would be upset and tries to slough it off, report her. Bet others will come up to you and share about what she has said about others. People continue to act this way because those around her allow it.

jaywolves · Mar 20, 2008

Fact of the matter is that sexual harassment laws were necessary to bring about the end of men acting like pigs in suits and making life hell for female employees.

You claim sexual harassment, it's not likely to go well for you. This is a woman, a co-worker, and someone who is obviously taking a certain level of pride in being a pain in the ass. She's not likely to be less of a pain in the ass if you tell your supervisor - tattle tale. Take her aside and tell her that you didn't appreciate her behaviour. But be prepared for her to give you more attitude. I could be wrong, but something about what she said just makes it seem like she is one of those people who takes a great deal of joy in being able to torment someone else.

Best bet, leave it alone... wait for an opportunity to explain to the people who saw this happen - her trainee - the other nurse you were reporting too - that you aren't gay and you were not happy with the nurse that made the inappropriate comment. But as for the mouthy one...

I've always believed revenge is a dish best served cold. She made a fool of you and that's what you're really hurt about. It's not the comment, it was the context. I get it... you don't think she'll set herself up? Trust me when I say, the ones that like to bark the loudest frequently set themselves up for huge burns at the most inopportune times. Wait this one out. You don't have to get her back the same way, and trust me when I say that when you see your opportunity it will be like you hear the angels singing. You'll know when the time is right and the burn will come to you as if from out of nowhere. Let 'er rip.

Payback RULES! Just do it tactfully and deliver it with a smile. Better than telling a supervisor ever hoped to be.

mjamesRN · Mar 24, 2008

Had to comment here as a GAY male nurse -- never had a problem until I tried to re-enter the job market..."Faith-based" organizations immediately rejected me (no, I have no proof, but I know); any hard up recruiter, gay/ man-hating, resentful women at the helm, despite my excellent references, passively juried and denied me positions for which I have applied.

As far as male nurses being assumed as gay: I worked in a large community hospital and I would say few of the male nurses were gay. Thankfully, the straight male nurses, and as attested to on this thread and in life, don't give a rat's ass if their male colleague is gay. It's not why were here or on the job.

As far as someone's callous comment on the floor: go to your manager, then her manager then her manager then her's....personally, I would confront and put the ***** in her place.

jaywolves · Mar 24, 2008

As far as someone's callous comment on the floor: go to your manager, then her manager then her manager then her's....personally, I would confront and put the ***** in her place.

I've enjoyed working with gay folks in other industries for this very reason. There never seems to be a hesitation when it comes to setting someone straight! Shoot from both hips if necessary.

Ion · Apr 2, 2008

recently i was approaching another nurse (who happens to be effeminate and thought to be gay, but who cares really?) to give report and when beginning report was dumbfounded when a nurse in the hallway said to another nurse: "ooo! a gay nurse giving report to another gay nurse!" now, i felt hurt. i am not your typical bakersfield area macho dude, but what gives her the right to put me into any box. i am affraid to bring this to management or possibly write her up for sexual harrassment. i told my wife that i am even fearful of having conversations with men that appear flamboyantly gay for being categorized; not that i am scared of turning gay. sometimes i feel that it might be easier in the field to be gay and kind than to be heterosexual and kind. i just hate this crap. really quite irritating to have your coworker who you think is a smart nurse make such a cruel judgement call on her coworker. anyway, your thoughts on this topic...

my thoughts are that you were sexually harassed, but you have rights that protect you.

my other thought when i meet a new nurse isn't if they are gay. why would someone really care? i care more about how well they do the job, because that is what we are there for.

don't let it get to you. if someone made a statement i was a "gay nurse" or even simply a "male nurse" i look at them and correct them to "registered nurse".