Gay labeling, is it just plain mean? Or sexual harrassment?

[CaLLaCoDe]

recently i was approaching another nurse (who happens to be effeminate and thought to be gay, but who cares really?) to give report and when beginning report was dumbfounded when a nurse in the hallway said to another nurse: "ooo! a gay nurse giving report to another gay nurse!" now, i felt hurt. i am not your typical bakersfield area macho dude, but what gives her the right to put me into any box. i am affraid to bring this to management or possibly write her up for sexual harrassment. i told my wife that i am even fearful of having conversations with men that appear flamboyantly gay for being categorized; not that i am scared of turning gay. sometimes i feel that it might be easier in the field to be gay and kind than to be heterosexual and kind. i just hate this crap. really quite irritating to have your coworker who you think is a smart nurse make such a cruel judgement call on her coworker. anyway, your thoughts on this topic...

[Do Or Do Not]

As a gay male I would *still* be offended if they said that to me unless I previously came out to them before and they already know. Since you obviously never "came out" and are not gay, it's the equivalent of "outing" you. Even in this day and age there are employers with certain mindsets against gay employees, and even though they cannot overtly discriminate against you, they can do their best to make your time on staff inconvenient. That's why I only come out to people I know I can trust, and in whom could keep that a secret. For them to do so in your case is blatantly unprofessional and they should at least get written up for that type of thing.

[nursemedic78]

The stereotype that really grinds my gears is when straight men are labeled as homophobic for choosing not to socialize with men who dress like Elton John and talk like Perez Hilton or Steven Cocojocococjoruru (or whatever his name is).

The guy before who tried to assert that we have no control over how people see us is either blind or deluded.

If I walk in to a bar wearing a Cubs hat, a Cubs t-shirt underneath an unbuttoned Cubs jersey, a tattoo of Harry Caray on my left forearm, and a big smile on my face, you would probably think to yourself "Gee, I'll bet he's a Cubs fan" ...and you would probably be right.

Likewise, if I walked in to that same bar wearing women's jeans and a blouse, frosted hair with all other hair waxed off, wearing nicole richie sunglasses and carrying a purse, you would probably think to yourself "Gee, I'll bet he's gay" ...and you would probably be right.

You DO have some control over how others see you. Whether that matters to you or not is up to you. Whether others choose to see you in the manner in which you have presented yourself is up to them.

The kind of person you choose to be, however, has nothing to do with hair, wax, tattoos, jerseys, man-purses, or any of those things, and it happens to be the only thing that matters. If you know people who disagree with that statement, then those probably aren't the kind of people you want as your friends (unless you're in to closed-minded ignorant spiteful and judgmental people).

[triguynyc]

I say report it and report it soon. It may not be the first time this person has made an inappropriate remark towards other people and letting it go on without reporting it justifies that what she said was acceptable to you and anyone else who heard her. How can you feel comfortable in the work place if this is the type of behavior you have to deal with everyday. That sort of comment is why we have prejudices in the world. Of all professions, especially in the field of helping and aiding people, making derogatory comments such as that is inappropriate and shows the lack of care towards others.

[firecoins]

when beginning report was dumbfounded when a nurse in the hallway said to another nurse: "ooo! a gay nurse giving report to another gay nurse!"

who cares what they say? they are morons.

i am affraid to bring this to management or possibly write her up for sexual harrassment.

is there really a need to do that?

i told my wife that i am even fearful of having conversations with men that appear flamboyantly gay for being categorized; not that i am scared of turning gay.

this seems a little paranoid to me. you should be secure in your manhood enough that it should be irrelevant what some other nurses say. your married so what difference does it make what these moron nurses think. and how do you turn gay?

[parson_john_RN]

The stereotype that really grinds my gears is when straight men are labeled as homophobic for choosing not to socialize with men who dress like Elton John and talk like Perez Hilton or Steven Cocojocococjoruru (or whatever his name is).

The guy before who tried to assert that we have no control over how people see us is either blind or deluded.

If I walk in to a bar wearing a Cubs hat, a Cubs t-shirt underneath an unbuttoned Cubs jersey, a tattoo of Harry Caray on my left forearm, and a big smile on my face, you would probably think to yourself "Gee, I'll bet he's a Cubs fan" ...and you would probably be right.

Likewise, if I walked in to that same bar wearing women's jeans and a blouse, frosted hair with all other hair waxed off, wearing nicole richie sunglasses and carrying a purse, you would probably think to yourself "Gee, I'll bet he's gay" ...and you would probably be right.

You DO have some control over how others see you. Whether that matters to you or not is up to you. Whether others choose to see you in the manner in which you have presented yourself is up to them.

The kind of person you choose to be, however, has nothing to do with hair, wax, tattoos, jerseys, man-purses, or any of those things, and it happens to be the only thing that matters. If you know people who disagree with that statement, then those probably aren't the kind of people you want as your friends (unless you're in to closed-minded ignorant spiteful and judgmental people).

I gotta agree here. In general, you do not have ultimate control over how others view you, but you do control how you want others to view you. I wear certain clothes, because that is the type of person I want to be related with. Just ask any teenager why they have to wear name brand clothes or shoes instead of generic, no name stuff. If I wear all black with black finger nails, I am probably wanting you to know that I consider myself goth. Granted, there are effiminate qualities that you cannot change (a whole other thread on a different website) and that is not what I am addressing here. I think it was crappy what was said and there is certainly nothing wrong with him talking his frustration over with his wife. I applaud it. In fact, if more men did this, we might have a lower divorce rate. (Communication's what the ladies want, guys...) We should not be judging our colleagues anyway. If people are going to judge me, judge me on my skills and personality, not on my sexual orienatation.

[RN Randy]

I wouldn't say it was cruel either, but a stupid and inconsiderate comment. Perhaps you could have a quiet, diplomatic word with this co-worker...

I am curious about what a "Bakersfield area macho dude" is...the only thing I know about Bakersfield is that John from "CHiPs" was from there.

Baker was from Bakersfield? Who knew??? LOL....

I get that old 'so do they give you your lady parts during nursing school or after you graduate?' crap from the younger generation a lot also..

It's all macho crap that means nada.

As for the incident...

Sounds like your female coworkers are just immature idiots, unworthy of rebuttal.

I've found that most folks pointing and laughing do it in order to keep from crying over whatever secret they're sitting on.

rb

[RN Randy]

So if I'm gay, my character is defamed?... watch yourself.

Absolutely.

It may come as news to you. but most people put the whole gay/lesbian subject in the "negative" bin. Some more than others, but the overall consensus I see in society is that the whole issue almost always draws negative press.

rb

[rdelo00]

I would definately talk to the nurse that made the comment. That is extremely RUDE and I wouldn't tolerate it at all. I am gay and that would offend me severely !!!!! That is not something that belongs in the work place. My sexuality and what happens in my private life does not determine what type of nurse I am........

[trrinatl]

Maybe I have a distinct advantage of working in a corporate facility. I live in Ga but corporate has a very Texas/California mindset. We actually have sexual indentiy written into our discrimination policy. So basically, it's Okay to be GAY here. I would have been shocked by the nurses remark and immediately would have taken steps to correct the problem. I have no problem calling the charge nurse or the nursing supervisor. Trust me, If i had made a racial or ethnic remark, my butt would have been packing, so I view it the same way.

I'm gay and completely out at work. It's funny, even the straight guys at work joke around and we have fun. They often joke about me having my "work wives" and want to know how I have all the women eating out of the palm of my hand when they can't get a date with any of ladies. I can joke and tease with the best and as long as it's good fun and no one gets hurt, it's a great way to pass the time on the shift, but when it becomes derogatory, all bets are off and it's a new ball game. I'm lucky in that the "straight males" are the first to come to my defense in those situations and frequently are the first ones to stand up for me.

[RN34TX]

Maybe I have a distinct advantage of working in a corporate facility. I live in Ga but corporate has a very Texas/California mindset.

Could you clarify that for me?

I'm puzzled as to what exactly you mean by a "Texas/California mindset".

From my perspective, I couldn't think of two states that are on more complete opposite ends of the spectrum with regard to mindset of a lot of things, particularly in reference to gay people.

[RN Randy]

I'm sure he means from a political standpoint, not average citizen standpoint... as I agree with you, Texas vs. California would probably end up at gunpoint, LOL.

rb

[leemacaz]

I have had a chance to observe seferal male nurses and P.C.'s in a local hospital..a couple are a bit on the effeminate side.( effeminate does NOT always mean gay and masculine does NOT always mean straight) and several who were very masculine...all of them sure seemed to be very intent on their jobs (the patients)... All of them also seemed to be held in high reguard by the females.....nurses and patients alike....such gossip seems very unprofessional while on duty especially...if a patient heard such a commentary that patient might wonder just what that nurse might be saying about them...so much for the "strictly professional attitude"

On the days that neither of two very large and masculine P.C.'s were not on duty the nurses missed their physical strength...On the days one of the more effeminate male nurses was gone, they missed his ability to calm just about any patient on the floor....

From my conversations with all of them.they had had to grow thick skins...A sad commentary on a field which should be above this kind of thing....