Gay Boomers and nursing attitudes

kanzi monkey · Oct 12, 2007

I think it was the fear that was all around me.
:

leslie :-D · Oct 12, 2007

i care for many aids pts at the end of their lives.

dying w/aids is usually a very undesirable way to die.

the stigma of having a contagious disease, forces most into isolation.

caring for an aids pt who happens to be gay, comes with additional barriers to effective care.

it's not only the stigma associated with aids, but the judgment and ignorance that comes with one being gay.

during one of my rotations in nsg school, there was a corridor that was relegated to the aids pts.

and what an unbusy hallway it was.

i remember one pt, who had an iv antiviral running.

it was contained in a huge glass bottle, and as he tried to ambulate to the br, it had fallen off the iv pole and shattered everywhere.

i was the only one who went running to his room.

once i (and only i) cleaned up the glass and wiped up the acyclovir, housekeeping came in to clean the floor.

it was me (a sn) who assessed the pt and gave report to his nurse.

even my instructor, advised me to double and even triple glove, as she stood outside in the hall.

another room i went into, the pt was on the toilet. (he left the door open)

he caught me by surprise, and i immediately started apologizing for the intrusion.

he pleaded with me to wait.

when he was done in the bathroom, he was soooo grateful to have someone in his room...anyone, just to talk.

that rotation was a milestone in my life.

not only was it a motivator for me to specialize in hospice, but to work mainly with the aids population.

i can only imagine the abandonment some gay boomers may feel, as they are forced to deal with these type of obstacles to therapeutic intervention.

i can only imagine.

leslie

JohnBearPA · Oct 12, 2007

Are you sure there are no queer folks living in your facility? I think this is the point of the the NY Times article. When you say "We do not have this phenomenon" I suspect you meant that you do not have out gay residents that are isolated by other residents. But perhaps you have queer residents that are afraid to be out.
You do not make it point of letting your healthcare provider know that you are straight because it is expected that you are. Gays and lesbians, however, sometimes have different health needs from straight people. And in a LTC environment they most definately have different needs.While I very much agree with you that people should not be discriminated against because of their sexuality I disagree when you suggest that sexual orientation does not matter - it very much does.
The thing that stuck in my craw about this story is the fact that these people were the first generation to stick their necks out and say "we are gonna live the way we want to and we refuse to be treated like second class citizens. Their efforts - the risks they took, the suffering they endured - made life easier for the queer generations that followed. To allow them to suffer the indigneties outlined in the article is a travesty. The thought of a gay homebound senior having his caregiver lecture to him on the evils of homosexuality makes my blood boil with anger. The thought that a woman's wife of 30+ years is marginalized at the hour of her beloved's death horrifies me.
Nurses must advocate for the clients. I would also suggest that gay and lesbian nurses have a special obligation to look after their elders and advocate for them when they cannot advocate for themselves. It's the right thing to do.

:yeahthat::yeahthat::yeahthat::yeahthat::yeahthat:

I too have worked with gay seniors in m y facility, and have seen the snickers by staff and other residents. When I see this, I speak up and try to educate the offenders about equal rights and equal care.

I also happen to be a gay man, and proud of who i am. At work, I've been told I'm not "obvious" and i "pass" as straight. I in turn tell people that say this that I'm just me, and don't have to "pass" for anything.

It should boil down to equal care, no matter what color, nationality, handicap, religion, or sexuality, and I'll settle for nothing less in my facilitgy!

Noryn · Oct 12, 2007

If a person makes an informed decision to not have the prostate checked because he/she doesn't want to go through the process, there is not much else we can do. But we have to make sure it's an informed decision--that is, that he/she knows and understands the potential consequences of refusing. If a transgender woman refuses to even DISCUSS her prostate because she no longer identifies with anything "male," this is NOT an informed decision. It's not ignorant either--but it requires some negotiation. For example, many transgender ladies still have a member--this one that I was talking to called it her "candy stick"--and was completely comfortable talking about it. She also knew what prostate cancer was, and that she didn't want it. In her case, it would absolutely be unethical to let her "refuse" to have her prostate examined rather than trying to come up with alternative means to address the situation.

It isnt always the fact that they dont want to go through with the procedure but there could be other factors such as embarrassment or the feeling like cancer could not happen to them. Ultimately no matter what it is the pt's decision and respecting their decision is the ethical thing to do. We can educate until we are blue in the face but we cannot force treatment.

I see what you're saying, but there's a lot more complexity here. First of all, the atrocities of the Holocaust were not simply committed by a "mad man"--they were committed by thousands of Nazis, who are people as well (some still alive too), and who were in their right mind when they did what they did. And, I would argue that the issue IS directly related to being Jewish! Not Judaism--but BEING Jewish. Jewish people were killed and tortured NOT because of their beliefs, but because of who they were. And now, for those that survived, or have family that are alive today (and for the latter there are many) the Holocaust itself now has become an ingrained part of their culture. A pt who is a Holocaust survivor will likely have very different needs than a younger pt who is a victim of child abuse, or an Iraqi torture victim.

You are missing my point. I was referring to the fact that it was brought up that Jewish people in the Holocaust needed special care with dementia. This was not directly related to them being Jewish. This was related to the atrocities committed against them but you are right it wasnt only one mad man although I wonder what the extent would have been if he was not in power. Again though the primary issue is the intolerance and actions of Hitler and the Nazis.

It's not changing how we treat--it's addressing who they are as a person that identifies with any particular cultural group. There is a lot of power and solidarity in the GLBT community that obviously goes beyond sexual preference. But we live in a country that is very unaccepting of GLBT people--people think they're open minded, but then somehow they translate a negative experience they may have had with a gay or lesbian person into their view of an entire group (how many guys have you met that are "ok with the gays", but wish they would stop hitting on them?) No, if someone doesn't share their GLBT status with you, that doesn't mean you're not providing good care. But if someone DOES share that with you, that's saying they feel comfortable that you won't discriminate against them because of who they are (which again, who they ARE is not who they sleep with)

Your first line is my main argument. I dont treat someone "different" because they are gay. You have to treat everyone as the unique individual they are. You do recognize cultural beliefs, events, etc BUT you do this with every pt, not just the gay ones.

Sure. Straight people who have a lot of gay friends. I'm not saying straight people don't get HIV, but our gay patients who are older than 35 are far more likely to have some personal experience with knowing someone who has died from AIDS. This is in the US I'm talking about here. There is a lot of information about this out there if you have not seen this for yourself--you might find it interesting.

I have never been into I guess quantifying death or tragedy. I would always hear it was so much worse for a young person to die because "they had their life in front of them." I think a tragedy is a tragedy. Doesnt matter if it is a gay person who has lost loved ones to AIDS or someone losing loved ones in a MVA. In my book both are as horrid experiences as could be imagined.

Yes. It's an entire culture. You may not need to treat them any differently. But don't expect to treat them the same.

See my above statement! Have a good weekend! Going to bed and it is my weekend to work

EmerNurse, BSN, RN · Oct 12, 2007

>>>Am I missing something? I was not aware that "queer" was an acceptable way to refer to homosexuals. Am I behind the times of what?

THANK YOU, I have been thinking it as my hair stands on edge but was

unsure how to approach it.

Oh phew, me too! I've never heard the word "queer" used except unkindly (fortunately rarely) and I thought maybe it was one of those things like words that are acceptable but only for that population, to use?

Not read all the posts yet so if someone's answered this quesiton already, thanks.

woody62, RN · Oct 12, 2007

The one thing I liked about the AIDS Unit, at Sarasota Memorial, in 1986, it was so alive. The nurses were not hiding out in the nurses station. Partners were encouraged to visit. Catholic Priests, Rabbi, Ministers all visited the patients offering them support. It was quite a surprising, refreshing attitude, for a SW Florida hospital.

Woody:balloons:

Tweety, BSN, RN · Oct 12, 2007

>>>Am I missing something? I was not aware that "queer" was an acceptable way to refer to homosexuals. Am I behind the times of what?
THANK YOU, I have been thinking it as my hair stands on edge but was
unsure how to approach it.
Oh phew, me too! I've never heard the word "queer" used except unkindly (fortunately rarely) and I thought maybe it was one of those things like words that are acceptable but only for that population, to use?
Not read all the posts yet so if someone's answered this quesiton already, thanks.

Where have you been? You are definately behind the times. :lol2:

Ever here of the mainstream show "Queer Eye For the Straight Guy", "Queer as Folk", etc. It's pretty mainstream.

I use the word to talk about myself and the community often, although through discussions with the administrators, they ask that the word not be used in these forums, as people are still sensitive and uncomfortable with it. But trust me, it's quite common in certain circles.

crissrn27, RN · Oct 12, 2007

I would love to think that they are making this into a big deal, and it is really not. But, unfortunately, I have seen so many people treated differently because of their nationality, insurance status, etc, that I can believe that this is happening.

Maybe my brain is wired differently, but I just couldn't treat someone different b/c they are gay, or hispanic, or indian, or have medicaid, etc, ect.

The people I have a hard time treating are the ones that are jerks, and they come in all forms. Even then, I try to take a deep breath, think about their side of things, and treat them the same as the rest of my patients.

My dad, bless his heart, has some weird views on stuff. Maybe it comes for the era he was born in, or how he was raised, I don't know. Anyway, I could see him treating gay pts differently, if he was a hcp. Thank goodness he isn't, but I am sure lots of people from his era are still practicing. If it was how he was raised, then I'm sure lots of todays generation were raised the same way (my mom counteracted it for me).

I haven't finished reading all of this (gotta go to work) but what is the answer? Are these people supposed to hide who they are, if they are in need of LTC, or medical care in general? Even if they don't announce it (hey, I don't announce that I'm straight, but people usually figure it out when they meet my dh), if they have a SO people will know, or speculate, and some will treat them differently.

I know this is a touchy subject, but stories like the woman that died of the brain bleed without her SO reinforce my belief that gay marriages should be legal. They couldn't have denied the SO access to the pt if she was her spouse.

Oh man, that was kind of rambling, guess I'm still sleepy! Hopefully I kinda made my point, lol.

Zookeeper3 · Oct 13, 2007

I thankfully can say that it really isn't an issue in my unit in the "bible thumping south" (don't get offended, term used to make a point). Many of the boomers have moved south in their golden years. IN our ICU, we get many LTC and nursing home populations.

We are lucky to have a varied staff of many cultures and an openness to gay/lesbian lifestyle as many of our staff are. The acceptance started in the culture of our unit and the great staff we have which transfers to great care and acceptance of patients, their culture and lifestyle.

Maybe these areas with problems need to make changes in their work culture first, in order for change to occur-acceptance occur with a diverse patient population. I actually find it shocking.

But again, we're simply not talking nursing staff, we're discussing long term residents. I may be simplifying the problem by stating that some people can't be changed, but through interactions and living together it seems that that type of "difference" would no longer make a difference as they get to know each other and find that there really aren't differences. Nursing staff can only encourage interactions and find good opportunities to do so and it's vital that they do.

czyja, MSN, RN · Oct 13, 2007

although through discussions with the administrators, they ask that the word not be used in these forums, as people are still sensitive and uncomfortable with it.[/i][/b] But trust me, it's quite common in certain circles.

I am rather enjoying this thread because I think it brings up some important issues in our society in addition to LTC and nursing. I am pleased to read the varied opinions, thoughts, experiences, and feelings that have been presented. Thank you all - this feels like the internet at its best.

With the above in mind I got an issue with Tweety's post. I will respect the decision of "the administrators" but I REALLY DISAGREE WITH IT. The Q-word is word that has been chosen by the the Q community to describe itself. If any word is banned it ought to be "homosexual."

I would welcome to opportunity to put my case before admin. I respect that they want to keep this a nice place and I know that the Q word has been and is used as a slur. I suggest it is not the word that is offensive but the way it is used.

cmo421 · Oct 13, 2007

The "Q" word was not one I loved myself,as stated in a previous post. It is used among the gay community comfortably,especially the younger crowd.Hence,I learn daily from this wonderful forum. Isn't it a shame that we even have to worry how our elder,AARP'ers,or gay boomers are going to be treated.? To live in fear of acceptance is not something anyone of any sexuality,religion or race should have to worry about. It seems as if we get one group of "different" accepted and we are right into another. Being the brat that I am, I could give a rats butt if anyone accepts who I am. Tis me and I am damn proud of it. I have said " if u do not like my world,do not enter it". I have great faith in the profession we are in, and will continue to believe that most will treat equally and respectfully whatever population they encounter. Nieve at times I can be,,,,,have a great weekend all!

Christine

elizabells, BSN, RN · Oct 13, 2007

I work in a NICU, so Baby Boomers aren't really my population, but I wanted to share a great Independent/Assisted/Retirement living community in Santa Fe, NM with you all:

http://www.rainbowvisionprop.com/

The community is primarily GLBT, although straight folks are welcome - my aunt and (very recently) late uncle moved to RV last year. She is blind and he, up until his death, was in a wheelchair after a stroke. Both in their very early sixties. Their range of services is incredible - everything from a basic retirement community for those who are totally independent right up to PT/OT, rehab, transportation, classes, trips, etc.

Hope this is useful to those who work with a population over a few months old! :lol2: