Funny things patients say !

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While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of the femur but she denied any pain. An x-ray revealed a femur facture and the orthopedist was called. It was quite a long wait and I heard the patient call out "nurse come in here". I went to her and she asked me to get her up into her wheelchair, I explained to her that her leg was broken and she needed to stay in bed. She replied very seriously "only one of them is broken I can still scoot around in my chair now get me up out of this bed!"

Specializes in Orthopaedic Nursing; Geriatrics.

I was in the dining room at our LTCF and all of a sudden heard an elderly woman yelling. I turned and looked and she was waving her menu in the air screaming " Son of a *****, is that all I get paid for all the work I did?" I almost died laughing. Then she started crying like a baby. It was sad at that point, but have to admit we've all felt this way at times!

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I was taking care of a blind patient who had Alzheimers. When I attempted to give him his medicine, he grabbed my arm and started gumming my upper arm saying "Oh Honey, give me a bite of that pork loin!" It took 3 nurses to pull my so called "pork loin" from his mouth! :nono:

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Specializes in Trauma, ER, ICU, CCU, PACU, GI, Cardiology, OR.

patient: nurse, may i have a glass of water.

nurse: are you thirsty?

patient: no… i just wanted to check whether my throat leaks :uhoh21:

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One of the departments where I work has recently been renamed from "overflow 2" to a more permanent "first floor inpatient unit". I have had more than one person say "first floor impotent unit"

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Specializes in LTC.

I was attempting to give someone their insulin. When I walked in the room, the woman rips off her covers, pokes her rear in the air, and screams "DO IT TO ME BABY!!1!"

:eek:

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Specializes in Medical, Surgical, Critical-Care.

Pt told me yesterday that she was just in last month getting an autopsy!! (biopsy)

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Trying to tell a confused, older patient I was turning him and he said, "that's not why you're in here."

I stopped and asked him what he thought I was in room for. He said, "you girls are partying out there and you want me to party, too. But I don't do drugs."

Hah...

Sent from my iPhone

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Specializes in Home Health/PD.

I had a pt family ask me "what was the doctor saying about her dimensions?" lol I had to keep from laughing because the doctor has said things about dementia and this poor lady couldn't stop saying dimensions. It was too funny.

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Specializes in Trauma, ER, ICU, CCU, PACU, GI, Cardiology, OR.

A mother comes in with her son to ED, and tells me at triage the following, as I perform the VS on her son.

mother= “I tried to detard him" (mother notices the baffled expression on my face and states) "That’s when you un-tard a retard, Needless to say, I failed.” th_Emotions_Animated_1.gif...Aloha~

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Specializes in Emergency/Trauma/Critical Care Nursing.
A mother comes in with her son to ED, and tells me at triage the following, as I perform the VS on her son.

mother= “I tried to detard him" (mother notices the baffled expression on my face and states) "That’s when you un-tard a retard, Needless to say, I failed.” ...Aloha~

Omg lol that's awful, but hilarious!

Obviously the mom's parents were also unsuccessful lmao

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Specializes in Trauma, ER, ICU, CCU, PACU, GI, Cardiology, OR.
Omg lol that's awful, but hilarious!

Obviously the mom's parents were also unsuccessful lmao

LMAO th_Laughing_2.gif

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too funny.... lmbo!:up:

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