Funny things patients say !

Nurses Humor

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While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of the femur but she denied any pain. An x-ray revealed a femur facture and the orthopedist was called. It was quite a long wait and I heard the patient call out "nurse come in here". I went to her and she asked me to get her up into her wheelchair, I explained to her that her leg was broken and she needed to stay in bed. She replied very seriously "only one of them is broken I can still scoot around in my chair now get me up out of this bed!"

88 year old lady on the unit is in retention. After numerous attempts the nursing staff can't get an IDC in. So we call the urology reg to come and do it. He can't either. He explains to the lady that there is a narrowing of her urethra and he is going to have to dilate it before he can get the catheter in. Lady looks at him straight faced and says "Are you telling me that at 88 years old something is still tight down there?":rotfl:

When I was a student it was only my third or fourth day on the ward - this old bloke says to me "They say nurses are either gay or easy - you look you're probably both!":eek:

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pt. came in with seizures because she quit taking her "Peanutbutter Ball"....ummm, Phenobarbital?

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First day at clinicals I had a partner. She was very shy and had a sweet voice, not wanting to raise her voice for an older pt. We were doing a head to toe, she asks to "peek in his mouth."

This man yells at the top of his voice, "NO YOU CAN'T PEE IN MY MOUTH!!"

:yeah:

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Specializes in 3 years MS/Tele, 10 years total ICU, 5 travel.
This just happened to me tonite, I walk ino a room and introduce myself, Hi I'm Lt. ______, call me Jennifer, I'll be your nurse tonite..

Instead of saying hello, she said Thank you

I'm not sure what that's about

I have that happen a lot. Unless she's confused, she probably meant "thank you for being here/taking care of me"

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Specializes in Emergency/Trauma/Critical Care Nursing.

The other night I get this adorable 97y.o LOL from triage, who was brought in by family at 2a.m. for increasing nocturnal confusion & paranoia x 3months... (umm... can we say sun-downers? :idea:) Pt is a&o x 3 on exam, very pleasant but repeatedly saying she's ready to go home now. Pt acknowledges that her family brought her to the ER "because I keep acting crazy, but hell, i'm almost 100y.o I think i'm entitled to act however I want!" haha Well we keep chatting as I'm starting her IV and apparently she found me rather amusing and was laughing at something I said, then looks me straight in the eye and says "Honey, now you keep on being the funny one, and I'll keep on being the skinny one and we should get along just fine!" :yeah: Now I'm not going to claim to be a size 6 anytime soon, but what made her say that is anyone's guess. And she just so happened to have said it loud enough that the patients in all the surrounding rooms started laughing haha. I couldn't be mad at her though, she was too cute and didn't mean any harm, but definately kept me on my toes for the rest of that shift!

:p

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I was doing peri care one night with one of my favorite residents, an really nice nice elderly gentleman. While I was helping him get ready we were talking and he asked what my husband does for a living. I told him my husband is an independent filmaker/writer, but for the most part he shoots music and promotional videos for various bands and stuff like that. He replies,"he doesn't shoot Media does he,". We both we started laughing really hard, partly because I didn't even know Media was in this man's vocally because he was always such a gentleman.

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Specializes in NICU, OB/GYN.

I work in OB/GYN/nursery.

I'm often asked when we're going to perform their baby boy's "circumstance" or "Cesarean" (meaning circumcision). :confused:

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Specializes in Trauma, ER, ICU, CCU, PACU, GI, Cardiology, OR.

the one that get's me is when they say "i came to the er to get a shot for my nerves, and a refill on my viagra" :cool:

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Specializes in Medical surgical.

I don't know how to react with this one LOL :D

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Specializes in Medical, Surgical, Critical-Care.

Back when I was a nursing assistant, another assistant and I had to insert a Foley. After we are finished, the LOL states "I don't know what ya'll just did but that sure felt good"!

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Specializes in Emergency Room.

"I have an enlarged Prostrate." Gotta love the old guys!

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Specializes in Trauma, ER, ICU, CCU, PACU, GI, Cardiology, OR.

another one that comes to mind is the one where a nurse i use to work with was trying to explain to her patient the new medications ordered by his pcp. and so it goes....

nurse = "mr.xxx your doctor wants you to take a 20mg. of pepcid with your meals, for your heartburn ok".

pt.= "okay that's all good when said and done, but what i don't understand why not coca-cola instead of pepsi?" :uhoh21:

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