Funny & Cute Things Our Demented Patients Say

[SoldierNurse22, BSN, RN]

When I was a new tech and just barely in nursing school, I was sitting for a very confused elderly lady who was having a full blown conversation with someone in the closet. Completely oblivious to my presence, she continued this pleasant chat until a few minutes in, she asked, eyes wide and hopeful, "Would you like to see my 'shnozzle'?"

[MissERN]

My grandmother had severe dementia prior to passing away, but she ALWAYS laughed about everything. Last week I had a patient that reminded me so much of her. She presented to the ED after a syncopal episode. She was not thrilled about my using a foley to obtain a urine sample, and did not hesitate to let me know about how she felt about me doing that. After I got her urine, I left her room for about 2 minutes and then immediately returned, and I was afraid she might still be upset with me. The moment I walked into her room her face lit up with a great big smile and this is how the conversation went:

Patient: "There you are! I've been thinking about you!"

Me: "Oh, really! Why's that?"

Patient: "Because my oven's broken!"

Me: "Well, we can't have that, now can we? We'll just have to get it fixed!"

She then lamented again on how terribly she wanted a cup of coffee. It's not often I have the time to sit at a patient's stretcher and help them drink a cup of coffee, but that day I did. She drank 2 cups of coffee and I enjoyed every minute! I think I liked it better than she did. It's moments like that that make me love nursing! I'm quite certain that those 2 cups of coffee did her more good than the Rocephin she got for her UTI...the oven we are still working on!

[Jack245]

Had one once that insisted I should "stay in the room with her all night" and that she would never tell my mother.

I was so thankful the nurse was in the room with me, along with the patients daughter. It took all three of us to distract her enough to let go of my hand.

[That Guy, BSN, RN, EMT-B]

I had a guy once who was dead set he was the king of some country. He kept ripping his tele box off until I told him it was the medal his queen gave him for conquering the heathens. He then had to show it off to everyone that came in he room proclaiming he was a great king.

Also had another person refuse to go to bed because then us nurses would just have a "screw party"

Sometimes it is just better and more fun to play into the peoples world.

[nurse671]

My friend told me a story about these 3 patients at physch ward who had delusion of grandeur they all believe that they were God they would would often debate who is God. One day they came into agreement they decided the other was The Father the other was The Son and the other was The Holy Spirit.. Oh gosh I couldn't stop laughing..

[Cindy_A]

Once had a LOL who would curse and swear at her husband, who was deceased. One day she was swearing at him and I reminded her that her husband was in heaven, she them replied "Well, he won't be there long!"

[P B and J]

Just yesterday morning 2 of my classmates and I were doing vitals, and although we were told to wake anyone up that was sleeping, I saved the 1 that was sleeping for last.

We knock, go in, tell her we need morning vitals, and says "I'm sleeping" while holding out her arm for the BP cuff. My classmate, while waiting for the cuff to inflate, says "I need your temp as well, can I put this under your tongue?" and she says "No, I told you I'm sleeping". I said "Ms K, are you having any pain?", and she says "I can't talk to you right now, I'm sleeping." !?!?!?! As soon as the BP cuff deflates, she Ms K says "Ok you can take my temp now", and opens her mouth wide! My classmates and I are looking at eachother thinking "what the heck?" Her temp is fine, and as soon as my classmate takes the thermometer out of her mouth, she opens her eyes and says "No, I'm not in any pain", closes her eyes, and rolls over!

We say thank you and turn to leave, and she starts ranting about sleeping, and how she can only do so many things while she's sleeping lol, as soon as the door shut, I had to laugh! I wish I could remember all the things she said to us :)

[Nascar nurse, ASN, RN]

Working in LTC I kept hearing the newly admitted demented lady screaming down the hall "NURSE". I went down to see why the nurses or aides assigned to the unit weren't taking care of her and found they were trying but she was systematically throwing everyone out of the room because they didn't have a name tag that said RN.

I entered her room and introduced myself as NascarNurse RN and showed her my name tag. She looked me over good, then looked me dead in the eye and calmly said "You don't look like an RN. You look like an LPN. Get the _ell out of here". The scary part was I had really only been an RN for 5 DAYS (with recent history of 19 years as an LPN)! This fiestly little lady became one of my all time favorites and she even eventually learned to scream my name down the hall and demand the others "Take me to Nascar's office this minute or I will sue you".

[RN58186]

Two things come to mind:

Elderly lady from the Caribbean, blind on dialysis. About 22 years ago. In a four bed room and she would spend much of the night calling "God, help me! Please God, help me! God, are you there?" Needless to say, the other three pts were not impressed. One night shift we could hear her all the way to the desk calling for God. In desperation, one of the other nurses punched her bed number into the intercom and said "This is God. Go to sleep." Never heard another word from her but she told the day nurses she had "heard God's voice loud and clear last night". Never called out at night again.

Elderly gentleman with dementia. I recognized the name as the same of a benefactor I had heard of through my work with Girl Guides. I was helping change him one day and after we had fixed the blankets and made sure he was okay, I said I had a question for him. I asked him if he was the same Mr X who had been involved in this particular Girl Guide camp. He started to cry and he said to me "You know, that place turned out way better than my wife and I ever dreamed it would. We just thought it would be an okay place for the girls to put some tents, and I can't remember how many girls use it now." I reassured him that it was well used and very well loved and that we would always take care of the land. After that day he could never remember my name, but he knew he had some sort of connection with me that he didn't have with the other nurses, although he could never had told you what it was. But everytime he saw he he would hold out a hand and say "There she is! There's my girl!" He is long since gone, but I still think of him everytime I go to camp.

[DemonWings]

When I was doing my clinical rotation at on a dementia unit, I was assigned to this little old lady who was probably all of 4.5 feet tall, and cursed me to high heaven every time I entered the room. I recall one time she had soiled herself as we were quickly trying to get her to the commode, and as I was cleaning her up she told me that her son "owns this b***h" and she was going to sue the pants off me. I got her cleaned up and back to bed and all was good. I told my instructor what she said earlier thinking it was a little funny, until my instructor informed me that her son, in fact, did own the skilled nursing facility:eek:

I thought for sure I was toast.

[sail2boat2002]

Very funny and cute!

[RNkft]

A friend told me about a resident in the nursing home she worked at who had Alzheimers.This lady had always went to chuch and her son was a preacher. She did not like taking a bath. They would use a lift to put her in the tub. When the pt was lifted up in the air getting ready to go into the tub, she threw her hands up and said, " Dear Lord Jesus, Please send me two heart attacks. One for me and one for this b**** getting ready to bathe me"!