Frustrated and Unsure

[ajlamb]

Hello! I am currently finishing my first semester as a nursing student. I am in the top % of my class with my grades thus far. I am a really structured and an organized person by nature and I enjoy being with people. However, the past several weeks, I have been having doubts about my decision to enter the field. I have been looking deep within myself as to why all of the sudden I feel different about this, when in the beginning I wanted this so badly. I can't decipher if this is a confidence thing, or what. I recently had my first clinical and it was a very disappointing experience for me. I am generally a relaxed person, I take things as they come and deal with them. But this was a different beast alltogether for me. I found that every time I went to enter my patients room, I felt like my feet were in concrete and my anxiety was off the charts. I know my vitals and work super hard in class. But everything just went out the window. The entire day. While the rest of my fellow students felt fullfilled and excited at the end of the clinical, I was incredibly sad and unfulfilled, to say the least. While I know this is difficult for anyone to interpret and it lies on my shoulders to make a decision on this, I was wondering if anyone else had a similar experience or had any insight of their own? Thank you in advance.

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

I'm seeing a clue in the way you describe yourself as "really structured and organized". I'm guessing here, but think it may be due to the feeling of being out of control, unable to anticipate and prepare for your clinical experience. This type of situation produces a lot of anxiety for my perfectionist friends. If so, it will get much better over time, as you become familiar with the clinical environment. You're never going to be happy in the middle of chaos and random events, but you'll learn to cope.

I have a very dear friend who is a serious 'control enthusiast'... she is now in quality/patient safety, but when she was an ICU staff nurse, she wore an enormous, bulging fanny pack - full of everything she could possibly need to respond to any type of event. We teased her that it was her 'security blanket'.. but it did help her cope with just about anything that came her way.

Try to identify what 'trips your switch' in terms of making you feel better or worse during clinicals - then take appropriate steps to develop your own security net. I don't want to spoil the ending for you....... but it's all going to turn out OK.

[kalycat, BSN, RN]

Commenting because I'm officially stealing "control enthusiast". My bulging pockets thank you.

OP, not everyone responds to the first day of clinical the same way. It's intimidating to walk in to a room and approach a stranger who is trusting you with their health care.

Give it a little more time. Sometimes people that are used to being in control and on top need a little more time to adapt to fluid situations. (Just speaking from experience). I am willing to bet that there will be a case, patient, or clinical that helps you find your footing and re-ignites your passion.

[dishes, BSN, RN]

It is premature to know what your gut instinct is telling you, but if it turns out that your personality is better suited to another field, I recommend you look at OT. OTs schedule therapy times with their patients and provide one on one therapy for an hour or more with each patient. Nurses look after a group of patients and provide one on one care for brief periods of time. Nurses juggle their work day based on the priority of patients' need. A patient's nursing need, can fluctuate throughout the day and as a result a nurse's work day can be chaotic and reactive, whereas a patient's OT need tends to be stable and as a result an OTs work day can be smooth and proactive.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

I doubt "the rest of my fellow students felt fullfilled and excited ". The first day of clinicals is a daunting experience. I remember during my entire first clinical rotation.. I felt like it was Halloween and I was dress up as a nurse. It was surrealistic.

Start talking this out with your fellow students and instructor. I think at the end of this rotation, you may feel differently.

[ajlamb]

Thank you so much HouTx. I really identified with the points you were making and it was super helpful to me. Thank you again for helping me process through some of these things. I believe I am off to buy the world's largest fanny pack tomorrow. Ha Ha. Take Care.

[ajlamb]

Thank you kalycat. I will give it more time and work on the control issues thing. HouTx hit the nail on the head with the control enthusiast! I told her that I was off to buy the world's largest fanny pack. I may pick me up a punching bag along the way, just to release some of that steam! ) Thanks again!

[quazar]

My first day of clinicals, I felt like a total bumbling doofus. I felt like my CI thought I had no brain, because clearly that was what I had demonstrated to her that entire day. The first day is hard, as is the first week, the first month...it takes time. Give it a little more time and wait and see how you feel.

P.s., also co-opting "control enthusiast." I definitely fall into that category. You should have seen my diaper bag when my kids were small.

[ajlamb]

That is hilarious quazar! Thank you for that. I am so relieved that I am not the only bumbling doofus! I felt all over the place and an utter failure. My son's diaper bag was over the top. Because you never know when a small child will need absolutley everything in your pantry inventory. (insert eye roll here). Thanks again!

[chacha82, ADN, BSN]

I have only been a nurse a year but I understand what you mean. I liked studying and being prepared for class, but often in clinicals I felt unprepared because I had no idea what was coming. Your job will likely be the same way! IMO the best thing you can do is remain OPEN and HELPFUL no matter the circumstances. I still have days when I get that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach when I check the board and see my assignment. I tell myself to keep an open mind, get going, and ask for help from others. I GREATLY value the wisdom and advice from the other nurses on my floor. They are my BEST resource for sure.

As a student, be respectful, keep yourself busy doing the tasks you need to do on clinical. I remember being VERY scared when I started my ICU rotation but I stuck close to my nurse and did what she told me to do. When she gave me a bit of freedom, I fed patients, made beds, emptied foleys and picked up the rooms. If appropriate, do things like take patients to the bathroom or help them turn over if you don't have medications to give. Take the opportunities that come your way. You will make it just fine.

[smf0903]

I have a very dear friend who is a serious 'control enthusiast'... she is now in quality/patient safety, but when she was an ICU staff nurse, she wore an enormous, bulging fanny pack - full of everything she could possibly need to respond to any type of event. We teased her that it was her 'security blanket'.. but it did help her cope with just about anything that came her way.

Oh my gosh, this made me laugh because it is totally me. I have three pocket organizers for work.

[NightNerd, MSN, RN]

I think what you are experiencing is very normal. Being a nursing student and then a nurse is a big responsibility! A little bit of fear is healthy because it keeps us cautious; clinicals and orientation is really good practice for using that fear to fuel your nursing actions rather than freeze up.

I know that I certainly felt very nervous in clinicals throughout school and was convinced, at times, that I would never make it as a nurse. But it does get easier and you will get more confident as you gain more expertise. It's kind of fun and gratifying to put the concepts you learn in class to a scenario at the bedside, and that really does take a lot of the fear out of it.

As a reformed "control enthusiast," I just have to share: when I started my first nursing job, I had to have everything, all of my supplies, within arm's reach. Legitimately EVERYTHING. I had a storage clipboard as well with every policy and procedure and decision tree printed out and tucked inside, guidelines for IM needle gauges and sizes (in a setting where I've given maybe three IMs in over a year), and even normal vitals (in case I hit my head and forgot, I guess? ). Going into patient rooms was cumbersome, to say the least, since I felt I needed all of that information at my fingertips. A year and a half later, after getting more comfortable that I can handle most anything that comes at me, I carry my report sheet (folded into my pocket), my stethoscope, my badge, my pager, my watch, a penlight, my scissors, some extra alcohol swabs, and a pen. It sounds like a lot still, but it's really just a couple pockets - nowhere near as much as I used to carry. If it doesn't fit on my body, it's probably not going into a room with me unless I have a specific need for it. So you never know, you may see your tendency to be prepared for everything start to relax as time goes by!