1. My husband just fussed at me for "always sleeping". I work a FT job that is 5 eight hour shifts WITH and hour drive each way. I work 3-11. I have to get the kids up to go to school b/c he works 0400-1400. Then I work part time doing home health supervisory visits for the agency I worked for during school. easily 60+ hours a week total.

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    About mmc51264, MSN, RN

    Joined: Apr '10; Posts: 2,574; Likes: 3,468


  3. by   Flatlander
    Quote from mmc51264
    My husband just fussed at me for "always sleeping". I work a FT job that is 5 eight hour shifts WITH and hour drive each way. I work 3-11. I have to get the kids up to go to school b/c he works 0400-1400. Then I work part time doing home health supervisory visits for the agency I worked for during school. easily 60+ hours a week total.

    Hope you're making LOTS of Moolah! Oh, and tell DH to take a hike....That is, AFTER he cooks you dinner and takes out the garbage! (I know...dream on!) Seriously, tho, it sounds like he owes you BIG. I'm so tired of guys who don't pull their weight. Throw the bums out! But of COURSE you're always sleeping if you get home around 11:30 p.m. and he leaves at 4 a.m. No doubt HE is "always sleeping" when YOU get home, no? And you have maybe one whole hour (!) when you might get to say 'hi' before you leave for work? On second thought, when DO you see each other??! (I forgot about the hour-long commute!) I think you guys both need different jobs, so you can actually see each other awake once in awhile and have a decent marriage and family life, for heavens' sakes. Life in the good old USA's so-called middle-class kinda bites, doesn't it? But see, I'm kinda envious cuz I don't have a job OR a husband OR a family.... That kinda bites, too. But really, I do wish that Luck and Good Fortune will bound into your yard and plant big sloppy kisses on all of you! And SOON!
    Last edit by Flatlander on Jan 14, '13
  4. by   Wise Woman RN
    He should be running your bath, making your dinner, and giving you full body massages.. that's all... geez..
  5. by   mmc51264
    I get home at 0100, he gets up at 0130. He does his part, he picks the ids up and helps them with homework, cooks dinner. I just got so angry b/c he took a nap yesterday too, he just up before I did.
    I am desperately trying to find a 3-12s job. Hoping it pans out b/c I DO miss my family.

    Oh, and btw, he loves the $$$. He got a new car after I got 4 paychecks.

    I was just so surprised that he complained.

    I don't think I could be trying any harder. *sigh*
  6. by   Flatlander
    As you implied, I think his comment was more of a wish you had more quality time together than a criticism...in light of the facts of your schedules. I'm glad to hear he's a good helper, too. But it must certainly be very frustrating at times for both of you. Good luck with getting your schedules in better synch and keeping your family healthy and happy! Hopefully someday in the future you'll be able to laugh about that time when you were "meeting each other coming and going," "passing like ships in the night," and so forth!

    Excuse my rant above about middle class America. I know there is a need for shift work so that society can chug along efficiently. Shift workers are the unsung heroes of the world and I'll bet no one knows what that really means until they've done it with family, kids, spouse and all the other obligations of life. I salute both of you for that!
    Last edit by Flatlander on Jan 15, '13 : Reason: adding another thought
  7. by   HouTx
    I was never able to balance a decent home life with 3-11 either. I have worked all types of shifts, but this one was just horrible. My only 'quality & communication time' with hubs was at night after kids were in bed - so we got 'disconnected', which had a terrible effect on our marriage. Switching to 12 hour days did the trick for us. It took a while, but things got much better. Don't sacrifice family for your job. Is that extra job really worth the stress and problems it's causing?

    Funny story - when I worked nights, my kids didn't know I worked. We found out later, when attending a PTA meeting and DD2's teacher was surprised to hear that I worked. We discovered that since I left for work after they went to bed, and they didn't see me in the morning - Dad got them ready & off to school ..... they thought I just liked to sleep late - LOL!
  8. by   Beautiful Mind RN
    "Oh, honey, I have to sleep in order to work hard! I mean...some of that hard work is parked outside in our garage, after all..."(Insert sarcastic tone here).

    But in seriousness, just brush it off, and continue your search for the ideal shift you are looking for so you can spend more time with your family. Once you get a better shift (or the one that you want) there better be no complaints there after...

    Best of luck!
  9. by   hiddencatRN
    My husband complained a lot about me keeping a night schedule on my days off because it was easier on my body. I know it was coming from frustration over not being on the same schedule as me, and we already work schedules that don't always mesh well as it is, but it's still frustrating to feel blamed for a situation that doesn't exactly have a fast fix.
  10. by   iluvivt
    It is just called life and trying to staying afloat. What is it that he wants you to be awake for.....does he want the house clean or does he want to spend more time with you? It is really important to narrow that down because how you respond is based on that information. If he wants to spend more time with you a need that he has is not being met and as a good wife you want to investigate that a bit further before you get defensive about your needs.
  11. by   BostonTerrierLoverRN
    My wife hated my night shifting, and finally put her foot down. Now my sleep doesn't get interrupted as much single
  12. by   JBMmom
    I can sympathize, between nursing school and full time work, and now full and part time jobs, there's been a few year disconnect with my husband. He sees that I put in a big effort to spend my "free" time with the kids, and he sometimes gets frustrated that he's fallen to the very bottom of my priority list. I can't say he's wrong, and I can't say I'm always making the right decisions. I try to remember that what I'm doing is for the good of the whole family and it will pay off in the long run. Of course there's a risk that any prolonged situations like this can cause partners to drift apart, and it does concern me, but honestly, not enough to change much. Not because I don't care, but because I really do think that we'll be fine in the end. I hope that things work out for the best for you.
  13. by   Sugarcoma
    Hmmm, sounds to me like you are not always sleeping but always working! Next time DH starts going on about your sleeping I would look at him and say "Why don't you go for a drive in your new car?" Lol.
  14. by   gettingbsn2msn
    I know this is not the right thing to say and let me apologize in advance. I left my husband over this scenario. I am also never going back. I drove 90 minutes to work and worked a 12 hour shift. No hospital in the area was hiring. It was work or eat. Took care of our kids on my days off. One day I came home and realized that I was also the unpaid maid, gardener, and every thing else. This may sound mean, and I am not by nature a mean individual, but I kicked him to the curb. I took a travel assignment, packed up my stuff and the kiddos and LEFT. The kids actually saw this coming. They said all we did was argue and they really did not have a mom and dad anymore. Very sad stuff. I believe this is going on all across America because in my new travel gig I told people what I did and they said they wished they could do the same. Sorry, but corporate America has brought this on. It takes 2-3 incomes just to buy groceries, pay rent and utilities. I do not even have a student loans. I cannot imagine how others are doing this. Many people are trying to just keep their heads above water and the stress is killing families. If you want to flame me, feel free, you have not walked in my shoes!