your very first patient death.....

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so after being out of nursing school nearly 3 years, i have just experienced my very first patient death. i've been there to assist other nurses during their patient deaths but this was the first time one of my patients died while i was on duty. death and dying doesnt bother me and im definitly not squeemish about dead bodies...but i dont think i was fully prepared for what i would feel. so this had me thinking that this could be a good thread, to hear about other nurses' first patient's deaths, as i am sure that we will remember them forever.

so i work mostly night shifts part time in a long term skilled nursing and rehabilitation center, so im not on duty too often...i also float so i dont have the pleasure of working with the same ppl every shift. i do, however, still manage to develop very good relationships with my residents and the families. this past, week i was taking care of one of my "easier" residents....(he's bed ridden, does not speak, has a peg, o2, colonostomy, foley, and a slew of ulcers, Q6h accucheck, Q2h turn schedule, but doesnt EVER complain or use the call light:yeah:) and in report i got that he hasnt been soing too well since the last time i had the pleasure of taking care of him. a few days prior he started to run blood sugars that were off the charts and had no hx of DM.....well to make a very long story short...it became very clear to me that he was just about ready to depart, considering he's been at the facility longer than i've been a nurse and had even been on hospice once before but was taken off. so he's febrile with a temp of 104 all night and has tylenol ATC, which is doing nothing for his fever, his blood sugars are so high that my glucometer cant read it, and his respirations have increased significantly. needless to say i spent my 12 hour shift trying to keep him as stable and comfortable as possible (DNRCC) and on the phone with his very concerned wife. just about an hour before its time for me to go home his respirations have dropped very low..4-6, i have him on ice, room cool, cant give any more insulin.....i go in to change dressing and he takes his last breath....

ofcourse i feel so relieved that he doesnt have to suffer any longer but i would have given anything to see the rise and fall in his chest. was soooo sad for his wife, who couldnt be more involved in his care and super concerned about him this night. so this becomes the difficult part for me...calling her after just speaking with her a couple hours before to tell her that she needs to get there as soon as possible. the doctor was a dick:banghead:, i called to notify him and hes says..."k, bi" and hangs up on me..but wut more could i have expected, right???? the best part was hugging the wife and seing the relieved and appreciative look on her face when i told her that i was there with him when he passed and that i did my best to be sure he was comfortable and didnt suffer...she told me i was a credit to the nursing field:saint: the worst part was going on with the rest of my responsibilities, counting narcotics and going home as if this never happened. everyone seemed so impressed with how well i was taking my first death. it felt very normal to me...i know i chose the right field. i just hope i feel just as touched by all of my patient death experiences and never become desensitized....thanx for reading my very long post and i would love to hear your stories.........ndynrs:nurse:

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Specializes in ER.

If only all patients could have the privilege of having a nurse like you at their time of death. I had my first death mere weeks after graduating nursing school. And I still remember everything. Luckily I don't see death too often but it still bothers me every time. Like you, I do not have any issues with death and dying. I think it helps to realize we all must meet our end some time and that is beyond our control. As nurses we there to care and comfort, not decide the end. (((Hugs))) to you. Sounds like you handle it wonderfully.

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Specializes in LTC.

Mine was my very first pt, the day we started clinicals. 10 days post -abd surgery ( yeah, it's been a while ), due to be discharged in a couple of days. Right after I went in to meet him, he got up, amb to the BR , and threw an embolus while sitting on the toilet. After all this time, I remember it like yesterday.

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wow, i think i would have lost my mind if that happened to me in nursing school. the stress level is already through the roof to begin with....

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Mine was my first patient on my first day off orientation. Pt was only in her 50's but a train wreck, ESRD, 3 valve endocarditis, DM on and on. Not compliant ever except when hospitialized.

Full code, everything that could go wrong did including the wheel breaking off on the crash cart. They are heavy and very hard to move when a wheel is missing. lol

However, it was okay. It was hard multitasking that day though as it seemed like there was a ton to do after.

I was sad for her family but TOD was 8:20 and I had not had her before so I hadnt established a relationship yet.

I left that experience wanting ACLS ASAP. I go in September. :)

I had 2 other pt go critical and look like they were going to code. I had very strong feelings before it happened so I did not want to leave them. Those were hard as I really wondered if I could have done something more - but I could not have. Honestly without that instinct of wanting to guard them and assess over and over cause I just knew it, it could have been worse.

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Specializes in M/S, MICU, CVICU, SICU, ER, Trauma, NICU.

She was a severe coper and I watched her deteriorate. To this day, I cannot forget her air hunger even when we tried our best to lessen her discomfort. Ugh, I wish I knew then all the stuff I knew now. I don't think I could've done any different (I was a new nurse but there were many experienced nurses around me).......but still......

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Specializes in Cardiac/Telemetry.

My first was a PNA who was doing well with orders to D/C Tele, so he was waiting to transfer to a Med/Surg room. I had suctioned with yankaur earlier for secretions at pt's request (I'm not squeamish with phlegm), sats were low 90's on 3L, he was talking with family and they left so he could rest. OK, I get busy with EOS stuff, red lining charts, 1800 meds and I look in at him from my med cart and he's sleeping but didn't look right. IV is still running. I Went to bedside, tried to arouse him, feel for pulse (is it my pulse I feel?), whip out stethoscope and listen for heartbeat (is that my heartbeat I hear in my ears?), I see charge RN and wave her in. OMG, CODE BLUE, pt non-responsive. I was fine with the death and code until the Son came around the corner later and grabbed me in a big bear HUG to say thanks for all I did during the day for pt while they were there. I'll never forget that.

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Specializes in LTC/Rehab, Med Surg, Home Care.

Her name was Florence. She had been with us for over a year, and started a rapid decline a few months prior. Required O2, but would get very agitated and would refuse to keep it on. Started falling a lot, blood sugars out of control, dramatic highs to dramatic lows. Her family finally agreed to put her on hospice, and we were able to medicate her to comfort. She was such a dear sweet lady, her children adored her. Alzheimer's is a horrible, cruel disease. The night she passed away, she had not gotten up or eaten in more than 48 hours. We had been doing oral cares, keeping her lips moist, and repositioning her every two hours. When I checked on her, I wasn't sure she'd make it through the shift, but never expected her to go an hour into the shift. I had just checked on her and the CNA came and got me a few minutes later...she had passed while the CNA was doing her cares.

The hardest part was calling her family, I cried when I told them. I ended up having to tell them over the phone--which is not uncommon in LTC. But I still felt horrible. A few minutes later, an aid came running down the hall to tell me a family member had arrived. I went into the room where we had the curtain pulled around her to offer a little privacy from her room mate. This family member hadn't gotten the call yet...I offered to continue to call family but they told me they would handle it. So I had the unpleasant job of telling this woman's son that she had passed away about 10 minutes prior. He had no idea she was gone!

There have been several since then, but I always try to remember a poster that I once saw. It's the profile of a woman, starting from when she's a child until she's an old woman. The caption reads "The sun setting is no less beautiful than the sun rising."

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Specializes in CCU,ICU,ER retired.

my first was the very first day I ever worked in a hospital I was a tech, I worked 3-11 and she died around 7 pm I even remember her name and it was 1974. The one thing I remember the most since it was the very first person I had ever seen die was how nondramatic it was. I was taught how to do CPR on her. It was over sooooo fast. For some reason I thought that dying was a big production, with lots of drama. Now I have seen some mighty dramatic episodes since then. I was flabbergasted to see how quiet and normal it really was.

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Unfortunately my first death was dramatic. I was a nurse aide, just started and only 18. One of the RNs called me into a patient's room (not one of mine) saying he wasn't feeling well and she wanted me to stay with him till she got back. This man was in his 50's and just nauseated, so I thought nothing of it. He and I talked for a little bit, then he started to throw up again. It turned pink, then bloodier, then it was like someone had turned the tap on full - the blood was pouring out. Just then the RN got back and called the code. I was left to deal with a bath basin three-quarters full of blood. Needless to say, he didn't make it and an hour later I got to shroud my first patient. Overwhelming doesn't cover it!

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Specializes in Pediatric/Adolescent, Med-Surg.

When I was a nurse's aide while in nursing school I recall helping to bag or do post-mortum care on countless patients. However, I don't recall any of them being assigned to me (I might be wrong, but for some reason, that sounds right). I was always eagar to help and got plenty of experience.

Now, as a nurse in pediatrics, I have had the misfortune of saying "good-bye" to some of my chronic patients that have gone on. However, all of them have either died at home or in the PICU. I have only seen one child die on the floor (and it was an all hell break lose code!), but the child wasn't mine.

In some ways, though, the hardest death I've had to deal with was when one of my peds teens died from CF. He was 18, and had, on and off, spent over 150 days in the hospital, so I got to know him quiet well. I still think about how he kept talking, days up until his death, about getting his driver's lisence and how he hoped to go fishing that summer. Even though he was in the PICU, I was there with his family when he died, he grandparents told me how much I meant to him, and how they were greatful he had a friend like me. It is an experience I hope not to experience again anytime soon. (My signiature is a tribute to him )

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mine happened just a couple weeks ago:(

i am a nursing student, going into my 2nd year... and working as an aide at an assisted living facility.

i took care of the sweetest and kindest man. i thought he was about 75, but turned out he was 95! he was in fairly good shape when i first started working, but started declining. He was in total kidney failure and I am assuming the family decided to let him go instead of dialysis or something. He seemed a little depressed and told me on numerous occasions that he just wanted to die. I mainly got him dressed, put to bed, showered, etc. He never forgot to thank me and told me how wonderful i was and i was the best aide there...which meant so much to me. i got on my shift about 10am and the previous aide told me he didnt eat breakfast, and i would need to make him come to lunch. I went to his room about 11 and told him I'd help him start getting ready. He told me he couldnt come and just wanted to lay down and he was very cold (it had to have been 85 degrees in the room, it was so hot in there). I was giving him a hard time...it figures, the last discussion i had with him :( i then slowly shut the door and left as he laid in bed with the covers on. The nurse went down about an hour later and he was not breathing. I ran down to see the nurse giving him cpr. The rescue squad came and did cpr for about 20 min, but he was gone. I had only known him for a couple months, but it was still hard. He was just one of the most appreciative and kindest people there and I wish I had told him what a nice man he was more than the couple times i did :( I know he is in a better place now.

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