Fired (Wrongfully?) And It Hurts

[joansmith1]

I'm an experienced RN and was fired from a new nursing job. It was not due to any misconduct or patient care issues. I was shocked when it happened. The way it went down was upsetting. Later I started thinking about things and realized it wasn't justified. I think some of my former co-workers set the wheels in motion and this is the end result. The issue at hand was greatly exaggerated and not told in context. I was never spoken to about this issue nor asked for my side of things. I was so upset that I just accepted the news and walked out; didn't even try to argue or defend myself. 

I'm so hurt by this entire experience. I'm hurt that fellow RN's would take steps that affected my ability to earn a living and my professional life. I'm so disappointed in my supervisor for not defending me to my manager. I'm so disappointed in how my manager made untrue statements that I wasn't given the chance to defend. I don't understand why I wasn't given the chance to transfer elsewhere in the organization. The unfairness of how I was treated is hard to swallow. It's hard not to take personally. I realized that nursing is rife with unfairness but I think I'm naive in that I expect things like this handled in a professional and respectful way and it wasn't. 

Needless to say my confidence is non-existent. I have no idea how I'm going to put myself out there and find a new job feeling like this. 

[guest1163268]

41 minutes ago, Melilem said:

There's a little psych in every psych nurse ? (I say that from experience)

I see too much pain visited by predators and bullies to stand by. 

 

[Granuaile, ASN, RN]

2 hours ago, Curious1997 said:

I see too much pain visited by predators and bullies to stand by. 

While I am not all about that mind-shredding, what I glean from what you have said on this thread is that, as nurses, many of us (myself included) have not learned to have self-worth, have not learned how to establish and reinforce our boundaries, and may not know they have been crossed until it is too late. I hear a desire to protect others, even if I disagree with the methodology. 

What I am learning from my experience of being fired last Monday is to hold my head high, because I know how I performed, and I know that they just threw away a damn fine nurse, and unfortunately they will probably do the same to other damn fine nurses. 

 

[guest1163268]

I work Psych because I will always be for the underdog and the weakest. And to be honest, I don't like weak people, but I hate bullies even more. 

 

Any one can have times of weakness and given the right support can make a change, BUT they have to be given that CHANCE! 

 

I see it as, there for the grace of God, go I. 

 

I am a bully myself, but only to other bullies! And I really am relentless. I will hound you if you get onto my radar. It's a family thing. We don't like bullies! 

 

And I tell you what, Bullies can change if they are shown the error of their ways. You make them experience the feelings that they induce in others and then help them to understand that's how they are making the other person feel. Since their bullying is fear displacement to begin with mostly, they change slowly, but surely. You give them the time and the space and the opportunity to save face and they frequently change. 

 

It's all behavioral generally. I have often changed violent patient's minds just by putting my arm(which is very heavy) on their shoulders or shaking their hands and letting them feel my strength. 

 

I think it's appalling though when nurses act like wild animals and gang up on someone, especially if those nurses are unaware of their own deficiencies, which I have no problem pointing out to them. 

 

There's no I in team! Nurses need to remember that! 

[guest1163268]

6 hours ago, Jedrnurse said:

Are you surprised? There was bragging about pre-emptive "mind shredding" like it was a badge of honor.

'The purpose of an education is to open closed minds' 

I suggest you, Chare and Klone explore those avenues! 

[JKL33]

9 hours ago, Granuaile said:

many of us (myself included) have not learned to have self-worth, have not learned how to establish and reinforce our boundaries, and may not know they have been crossed until it is too late.

Yes. 

Another thought: My observation is that a significant portion of my coworkers do participate in run-of-the-mill drama without even realizing it. I'm not talking about the really dramatic people, just the ones who don't have their self esteem and emotions in check. For example, if a nurse is given a new directive that is, for all practical purposes, impossible--and then they have a meltdown and/or apologize and/or accept and internalize criticism for not performing perfectly, that is a kind of drama for lack of a better word. That is reacting poorly to absolute foolishness. When people do this they telegraph to those around them that their feelings can be easily manipulated; that they themselves can be easily manipulated. I have never understood people's propensity to be faced with others' foolishness and somehow take it on as if it is their own problem.

I'm getting to a point (?)... ^ these are the people who get messed with. They get bashed around like a punching bag in the workplace. Repeated observation of mine. They are the ones who get called into the manager's office and scolded for something utterly ridiculous. They're the ones people tattle-tale on for stupid reasons. They're the ones who get the snotty comments and the huffing and puffing from coworkers. They're often the ones patients (the trouble-maker variety) complain about, too, believe it or not! Why? Because they unintentionally tell everyone around them "I will make it easy for you to feel superior" - which is the only energy that keeps a lot of people going. Think about that.

Nurses should play things close to the vest in the workplace, almost always. 99% of the time. Being non-reactive is one of the best ways to disable this sort of malfeasance. We don't actually don't need BFFs at work, we don't need people to ❤️ us, we don't need a group or a clique to fit into, we don't need constant approval or endless reinforcement of approval. We need to float above the abject stupidity and drama at all times. Concentrate on patients!!

9 hours ago, Granuaile said:

What I am learning from my experience of being fired last Monday is to hold my head high, because I know how I performed

Yes. That and consider the above info if it is any part of your situation. When you find people who are kind and professional coworkers and good nurses who seem to be above the fray, watch and learn.

 

[JBMmom, MSN, NP]

22 hours ago, Curious1997 said:

People, we are not unique or special! Everything that's happened to you has happened to millions of people before and they prospered. Don't reinvent the wheel! 

People can go through rough times without lacking in understanding of how the world works. Looking for support in a challenging period is not "reinventing the wheel", it's one of the main reasons to have a board like this where people can relay shared experiences. You may have noticed that no one sharing a story similar to the OPs said they were unable to recover from their disappointment and move on to be successful. No one is saying that their life was ruined because their image of being unique or special was shattered. But certainly even with all of your skills on dealing with life, you may have experienced a disappointment or two? Starting a statement with "I don't mean to offend everyone" and then making a sweeping generalization that isn't really constructive in any way isn't going to go over very well. 

[guest1163268]

2 hours ago, JBMmom said:

People can go through rough times without lacking in understanding of how the world works. Looking for support in a challenging period is not "reinventing the wheel", it's one of the main reasons to have a board like this where people can relay shared experiences. You may have noticed that no one sharing a story similar to the OPs said they were unable to recover from their disappointment and move on to be successful. No one is saying that their life was ruined because their image of being unique or special was shattered. But certainly even with all of your skills on dealing with life, you may have experienced a disappointment or two? Starting a statement with "I don't mean to offend everyone" and then making a sweeping generalization that isn't really constructive in any way isn't going to go over very well. 

Completely understand what you are saying. However, I don't think that I made a sweeping generalization and I do think it is constructive to be tough emotionally. As you grow up as I have been lectured by both parents and grandparents, experiences will occur that will strengthen your emotional and psychological muscles but only if those muscles are capable of bearing the weight, or they will snap! 

They are old school European parents and grandparents and don't coddle or subscribe to American ways. It's bluntly and realistically imbibed whether it's good or bad. Their love is equally demonstrated. Even in public, as grown men and women, we are still likely to get the 'look' meaning wait till we get home. 

I prefer their methods because I have seen how alienated my high school friends, adult acquaintances have become to their parents, so they must have been doing something right! All six members of my family live within ten miles of the family house and still meet every Saturday for game night and frequently during the week for meals. Everyone has free access to each other's vehicles and houses. If I have any sort of major problem I can't solve, financially, emotionally, any problem, I lay it at my parents feet and walk away and it will be solved without recriminations. I believe that their way is the best way! 

Don’t suffer bullies lightly and address problems directly. Always be for the underdog and never for the controllers because they always have ulterior and more motives than the underdog. Stand up for people but don't expect them to stand up for you, so be in control always! These are some of the lessons I grew up with from my parents and grandparents! 

If you are over 25, I believe in being blunt if the situation warrants it and the person can handle it and I expect the same in return! 

[JBMmom, MSN, NP]

50 minutes ago, Curious1997 said:

However, I don't think that I made a sweeping generalization and I do think it is constructive to be tough emotionally.

It appeared that you addressed everyone that had posted when you queried "don't your parents or grandparents ever sit you folks down and explain life to you?" 

I'm old enough that I could be your parent. I am raising three children that are well aware that they are not the center of the universe and they have to stick up for themselves when appropriate. I could teach them that because that's my reality as well. My children have all dealt with relatively small disappointments in their lives that seemed quite big for their age at the time. I have also dealt with disappointments big and small, and have had some challenging times. As have many of the other people that have posted here.

The bigger issue with almost all of these firings is that when you start a new job there is usually an expectation of professionalism on the part of the employer. The situations being described by those posting are those where a termination did not follow an appropriate course of action where an employee is treated respectfully and notified that their job performance is not acceptable. The situations described, across the board, are those where swift action, without cause, appeared to be taken against the former employees. I hope for your sake you have not experienced such a situation, but if you do, it might be upsetting.  In these situations, people did not have a chance to stand up for themselves because they were terminated. It doesn't mean they did something wrong. 

[Susie2310]

9 hours ago, JKL33 said:

Yes. 

Another thought: My observation is that a significant portion of my coworkers do participate in run-of-the-mill drama without even realizing it. I'm not talking about the really dramatic people, just the ones who don't have their self esteem and emotions in check. For example, if a nurse is given a new directive that is, for all practical purposes, impossible--and then they have a meltdown and/or apologize and/or accept and internalize criticism for not performing perfectly, that is a kind of drama for lack of a better word. That is reacting poorly to absolute foolishness. When people do this they telegraph to those around them that their feelings can be easily manipulated; that they themselves can be easily manipulated. I have never understood people's propensity to be faced with others' foolishness and somehow take it on as if it is their own problem.

I don't find this behavior difficult to understand.  Many people are vulnerable.  There are a number of reasons for this: immaturity, inexperience, a family background that precluded learning that one has the right to stand up for oneself in the workplace (or to stand up for oneself at all) and how to do this effectively, a lack of knowledge of how to communicate effectively in the workplace, a lack of confidence, a prior history of abuse, etc.  It's easy to describe what to do; it's much harder to do it when these conditions apply.

I'm getting to a point (?)... ^ these are the people who get messed with. They get bashed around like a punching bag in the workplace. Repeated observation of mine. They are the ones who get called into the manager's office and scolded for something utterly ridiculous. They're the ones people tattle-tale on for stupid reasons. They're the ones who get the snotty comments and the huffing and puffing from coworkers. They're often the ones patients (the trouble-maker variety) complain about, too, believe it or not! Why? Because they unintentionally tell everyone around them "I will make it easy for you to feel superior" - which is the only energy that keeps a lot of people going. Think about that.

Being able to remain unmoved when one is being targeted, especially when more than one person is doing the victimizing, is not something that even mature people with significant life experience and a solid support system can easily prevail over, as we read here frequently.  In the workplace, due to the need for co-operation among co-workers, it's often very difficult to set limits or to say "no" when in the next moment one will need to rely on the co-operation of the person doing the tormenting in order to take care of patients.  I think this situation is even worse when one is new, when one doesn't have a work/performance history with the employer and is not yet recognized as an established team member.  Without a culture of support for new hires and new nurses, starting from the top down, it's no wonder at all that arbitrary treatment is sometimes permitted and accepted as the norm.  The question is, what is the most effective recourse for a person experiencing this behavior during their employment to take, assuming they wish to remain in their employment?

I often wonder why facilities go to the trouble of hiring employees only to treat them this way or to passively allow mistreatment of new employees to take place.  Presumably there is a staffing need, and one would expect that established staff members' lives would be made easier by recruiting new staff to help with the onerous burdens of short staffing that we so frequently read about here.  It seems strange to me that these same people seem not to wish for their lives to be made easier by new staff members taking up some of the patient load, and I wonder what they really want, and what management really wants.

Nurses should play things close to the vest in the workplace, almost always. 99% of the time. Being non-reactive is one of the best ways to disable this sort of malfeasance. We don't actually don't need BFFs at work, we don't need people to ❤️ us, we don't need a group or a clique to fit into, we don't need constant approval or endless reinforcement of approval. We need to float above the abject stupidity and drama at all times. Concentrate on patients!!

Playing things close to the vest in the workplace is a good idea, but can also be difficult to do.  One can be accused by both co-workers and supervisors/managers of being unfriendly, not being a team player, not wanting to be part of the group, etc.  

Being able to float above the drama and stupidity at all times is a great idea, but is just not something that a large number of people will be able to do.

Yes. That and consider the above info if it is any part of your situation. When you find people who are kind and professional coworkers and good nurses who seem to be above the fray, watch and learn.

The kind and professional co-workers and good nurses who seem to be above the fray exist, but I would say one cannot count on finding many of these people who will be able to help one, even if they would like to.

 

Bolded is mine.

[guest1163268]

2 hours ago, JBMmom said:

 

 

[JKL33]

30 minutes ago, Susie2310 said:

I don't find this behavior difficult to understand.  Many people are vulnerable.  There are a number of reasons for this: immaturity, inexperience, a family background that precluded learning that one has the right to stand up for oneself in the workplace (or to stand up for oneself at all) and how to do this effectively, a lack of knowledge of how to communicate effectively in the workplace, a lack of confidence, a prior history of abuse, etc.  It's easy to describe what to do; it's much harder to do it when these conditions apply.

Well, I should've said it is sad more than anything. But the reason I wrote out everything I did is because seeing outside oneself and the opportunity to  think of things differently has the potential to be empowering. Thinking of some of this drama as utter foolishness has never occurred to some people because they're always just focusing on a sliver of what is going on. With the example I gave (manager gives task that is impossible/two places at once, etc.), there are plenty of nurses who will immediately jump to feeling incompetent when they can't do it. They might cry. They might write very long emails explaining why they couldn't do this thing. They might get mad at everybody else because of their perceived failure. My post is meant to give them the opportunity to see things a different way, which is that the whole thing is the problem of the one who started the nonsense.

30 minutes ago, Susie2310 said:

It's easy to describe what to do; it's much harder to do it when these conditions apply.

I understand. And yet I am one who, throughout childhood and somewhat into early adulthood, was not able to stick up for myself very well either.  I am just giving people another option to think about based on what I have learned.

30 minutes ago, Susie2310 said:

The question is, what is the most effective recourse for a person experiencing this behavior during their employment to take, assuming they wish to remain in their employment?

If someone is going to be terminated then it's too late. I personally believe there are some things that can be done in workplace interactions that can serve as a bit of protection in a lot of the more common everyday scenarios. That's what my post was about.

30 minutes ago, Susie2310 said:

I often wonder why facilities go to the trouble of hiring employees only to treat them this way or to passively allow mistreatment of new employees to take place.  Presumably there is a staffing need, and one would expect that established staff members' lives would be made easier by recruiting new staff to help with the onerous burdens of short staffing that we so frequently read about here.  It seems strange to me that these same people seem not to wish for their lives to be made easier by new staff members taking up some of the patient load, and I wonder what they really want, and what management really wants.

I don't know. That's another benefit to my advice; I don't have to figure any of it out and can focus on taking care of patients and being kind and professional.

[guest1163268]

2 hours ago, JBMmom said:

It appeared that you addressed everyone that had posted when you queried "don't your parents or grandparents ever sit you folks down and explain life to you?" 

I'm old enough that I could be your parent. I am raising three children that are well aware that they are not the center of the universe and they have to stick up for themselves when appropriate. I could teach them that because that's my reality as well. My children have all dealt with relatively small disappointments in their lives that seemed quite big for their age at the time. I have also dealt with disappointments big and small, and have had some challenging times. As have many of the other people that have posted here.

The bigger issue with almost all of these firings is that when you start a new job there is usually an expectation of professionalism on the part of the employer. The situations being described by those posting are those where a termination did not follow an appropriate course of action where an employee is treated respectfully and notified that their job performance is not acceptable. The situations described, across the board, are those where swift action, without cause, appeared to be taken against the former employees. I hope for your sake you have not experienced such a situation, but if you do, it might be upsetting.  In these situations, people did not have a chance to stand up for themselves because they were terminated. It doesn't mean they did something wrong. 

I haven't as yet but fully expect to at some point. Unlikely to be upset because it's a way to channel my frustration from other issues I have little control over. However, I have a back up plan.  My father owns his own law firm and I have picked up a few things. I have a lawyer on retainer for business purposes, but also for situations that might arise. 

If ever I am called in for a chat and it's about something I may have done, if it's stupid, I immediately fire off an email to the manager,my lawyer, my dad's firm, HR and management re the chat and how I expect further communications to proceed in a professional fashion. This immediately puts them on notice how the situation will play out. I like a good fight by the way and I usually win if it's a corporate structure. Too many moving parts too pick apart to undermine their defense. If they are in management, they have skeletons! And the multitude of state depts regulating hospitals etc is a boon that is underused. Oversight works both ways! 

I do think however, that all nurses need to treat their workplace as a professional environment and not somewhere to make friends and socialize. Corporate entities are involved with billions of dollars invested and you are not their concern. They are all concerned with their own jobs, meeting their criterion and promotion etc. I have previously suggested in other posts that a separate lawyer on retainer is a good idea, even if you belong to a union who is frequently compromised with the hospital's management relationship.