Fired and Devastated

Jewelsforme · Mar 5, 2015

Nobody is perfect, far from it. You "sound" like you've been beaten down into a pulp of no confidence. There may be areas of nursing that you need more coaching in, but it should be given in an atmosphere of patience and humor, encouragement and reward. I encourage you to seek counseling to build yourself up from the inside out. There is no shame in that. When you endure years of lack of respect and love from your spouse, you begin to BELIEVE IT. My friend, you must love yourself first, even if your spouse doesn't love you like you deserve to be. Then, you can go on to give to others and be more open and relaxed to learn. If you are not fitting in well with acute care, RN's can specialize in all kinds of areas - find out what you love and what you are good at and zoom in on that field. For example, are you really good at starting IV's? Join or start up an IV therapy team in your facility. Are you good at wound care? Join or start up a Wound Care Team - all requiring further studies, but hey, make yourself a specialist in an area you love. What about working in a physician's office? You could become the right hand nurse for a really good physician in an area of medicine you love - cardiac, respiratory, gastro, OB/GYN - you name it, be creative. But please remember to heal yourself as soon as possible. Having the right kind of love and respect for yourself is the foundation of a good nurse and human being. You deserve that for yourself.

lovinglife2015 · Mar 5, 2015

You're worried too much about your husbands opinion of you. Do yourself a huge favor and divorce him. Your normal meter is broken if you believe that he has the right to disrespect and belittle you. You don't have to prove anything to him. Gain some self-respect by leaving him.

allnurses Guide · Mar 5, 2015

.....Your normal meter is broken if you believe that he has the right to disrespect and belittle you. You don't have to prove anything to him. Gain some self-respect by leaving him.

I've never heard it expressed as a "normal meter" but it is spot on.

SweenyG, let me just add my voice to the advice regarding your husband. Abusive people can take control of your entire sense of self in very insidious ways. I see that in you because I've been there. Being let go in the first 3 months is devastating, but more and more common these days.

You need to break that sense that you owe a GD thing to your abuser. Then you can move forward. Once that happens you will be amazed at that there is so much sunlight out there. (((sweenyG)))

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Gooselady, BSN, RN · Mar 5, 2015

Have you ever considered you may have adult ADHD? I haven't read through all the posts, so if someone's already brought it up . . .

When I graduated from school, I had a HELLUVA time in the clinical setting. It was miserable and my first boss told me "It's like you are crawling up a hill of broken glass on your hands and knees." She was a very kind person, very blunt too, but I trusted her enough to criticize me in that way. Some time later found one of the first books on adult ADHD and it was kind of like a revelation it made sense of my 'talents' and 'weaknesses', which seemed so odd together. Smart but scattered, floundering around, unable to figure out what to focus ON. It was a true disability for me back then.

I began to utilize some of the strategies I read in the book, and later went to therapy to deal with some severe losses, and the therapist asked me if I'd ever heard of adult ADHD. I mean, it was that obvious to him LOL. He had me go to a shrink and get on Ritalin. THAT, and diligently using ADHD strategies, and my 'airheadedness' is mild, and doesn't impact my ability to work. I avoided hospital nursing mostly because of how hard my senior year clinicals were, but 17 years later, after a few years on meds and practice with strategies, I kicked serious butt where I thought I was never going to be a success.

I don't need the Ritalin and haven't taken it for a long time. I am still Pig Pen at home, you should see the inside of my car and purse, holy crow. But at work my 'habits' have become very effective. I'll always be kind of a dingbat, lose my glasses on the top of my head, I'm terrible with names, but damn I'm focused and efficient. It did not come naturally, not one bit.

That said, even though I CAN do acute care, my temperament is totally thriving in private duty, my current job. If anything it's too slow, so I'm taking a class online when the kids are quiet and sleeping. My stress level was high, because it will always be a lot more work for ME to be organized and efficient, I do have to try harder than average I believe. But now, although the money sucks, my whole life is more 'at ease' than it's ever been.

I am sad that your husband is quick to find fault and be hostile toward you instead of supportive and loving. You don't have to put up with that, you know. Yeah, you know :) . A different man than him would not be that hard on you, so it's not YOU causing him to be emotionally abusive (the silent treatment is emotional abuse). Just so you know, his bad behavior toward you is not your fault, it's all on him. If you really DID cause his abuse, then everyone would be abusing you.

I know I would have been fired if I worked in acute care right out of school. That's hard to admit, but there it is. I'm a limited human being. But there is 'help' and from experience, it takes a while but it is no reason NOT to be a nurse. That's the thing about nursing, there are so many ways to do nursing.

ETA: aha . . . I wasn't imagining things or projecting when I thought "her husband is being a real ^(#% . I married one of those . . . and got rid of him seven and a half years ago. Best thing I ever did, getting rid of that ball and chain.

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Mar 5, 2015

I can not like the above post more.

When you have conversation with your career counselor, get the name of a counselor who specializes in career/adults with disabilities genre. Also have conversation regarding your former bachelors along with your BSN--what is it that you could do having both these things? There are many other areas of nursing besides acute or LTC.

People get let go for any/all/no reasons what-so-ever. And that's ok, as acute care is not the be all and end all. I would look at a whole bunch of other areas of nursing, including home health or hospice.

And take some time to survey your situation at home, and how it is affecting your son. The last thing you would want is for your son to think how your husband treats you is ok. On the same token, after a long term marriage it is hard to walk away, kick him out, whatever. I get that. It is miserable, but you need to be able to pick up the pieces if your son is affected by your husband's behaviors. Don't block the door if he wants to leave. Whatever. Go. But methinks that he is not going anywhere fast, and apparently he has significant issues that only he can deal with.

If you feel the safety of your son or of you are at risk, get in touch with your local battered women's shelter/group. Have a safety plan in place. And perhaps an impartial third party to help plan your move forward.

I wish you nothing but the best.

mintyfreshgal · Mar 5, 2015

I always sort of wonder in the back of my mind, what is really going on when a hospital chooses to fire a nurse than to educate him or her, to work with something, I mean after all, they saw SOMETHING in you that made them want to hire you in the first place.

Thinking about all the time and man power it took to recruit, hire then to seemingly be let go / terminated just sort of seems backwards from my POV. I KNOW, it happens and a lot of times in nursing fields there are just so many reasons laid out for a nurse to be fired at any given notice.

Oh a pt fell? Fired

You punched out several minutes late? Fired

You did your vital but didn't document on one pt? Fired

And this place (nursing) cultivates perfection, even for doctors too, but at the end of the day we're all human, we're all people. I get that our job demands more from us and lives hang in the balance, but its experiences that's what help shapes a nurse into a great nurse.

Now the place is right back to square one, they are down a nurse who they will then need to recruit, orientate and train until she or he makes the same mistake (or fire for budget reasons but lie about it). And the process repeats itself, which is just asinine because they could have kept you and trained you until you were what they were looking for or wanted.

I always relate nurses to cookie recipes because we're sweet and its the process of making a cookie to perfection ( I know its so childish... ) but you dont just quit on the recipe because its too salty the first time you taste it, you keep at it until you can take that cookie to a bake sale and show it off!

Think about it. You were a new grad with under a year exp so you dont know what you're capable of yet and you come cheap to them. Its not hard after all to find a reason to fire a new grad, but they pretty much are spiting themselves in thinking they can just let nurses go left and right.

Where you begin at does matter and when you find the right place, another hospital or ltc, you will discover how much better the place is for you than what you began. :)

SweenyG · Mar 5, 2015

I always sort of wonder in the back of my mind, what is really going on when a hospital chooses to fire a nurse than to educate him or her, to work with something, I mean after all, they saw SOMETHING in you that made them want to hire you in the first place.
Thinking about all the time and man power it took to recruit, hire then to seemingly be let go / terminated just sort of seems backwards from my POV. I KNOW, it happens and a lot of times in nursing fields there are just so many reasons laid out for a nurse to be fired at any given notice.
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Exactly! I actually brought this up to the manager. I said "I've improved so much, I know I will get there with a little more time. You have already invested so much in me." She said I had not improved in the areas they had cited and they felt they had extended my orientation as long as they could. Actually, we hardly ever discussed those areas except in vague terms and not at all the last time my orientation was extended.

SweenyG · Mar 5, 2015

The last thing you would want is for your son to think how your husband treats you is ok. On the same token, after a long term marriage it is hard to walk away, kick him out, whatever. I get that. It is miserable, but you need to be able to pick up the pieces if your son is affected by your husband's behaviors. Don't block the door if he wants to leave. Whatever. Go. But methinks that he is not going anywhere fast, and apparently he has significant issues that only he can deal with.

He has tried to get ME to leave several times, but 1) I won't leave my son and 2) I can't afford it. I also feel if I leave, then divorce, I will be at disadvantage with custody and property issues. I told him that I'm not going anywhere unless he buys me out. He told me all I care about is money.

My son is a generally sweet , sensitive boy who does very well in school and we get along well when together alone. But at dinner times, but he also will make jokes about something I said, then high five his dad.

CrazyGoonRN · Mar 5, 2015

I see some people mentioning LTC but honestly LTC is no cakewalk. I found it toughter than acute care in the hospital. For me LTC was very fast paced and hard to keep up with. Have you considered Doctor's offices? Sometimes it's just finding the area of nursing that fits you best. Good Luck!!

klgteamnurses · Mar 5, 2015

Sorry to hear you are in this situation. I have heard of many hospitals that offer an internship programs that are designed to really help new RN's transition into being a great bedside nurse. The preceptor's are understanding and have patience to allow you to work through your challenges without causing harm to your patients. Google some reviews on Glass door for some of the local hospitals and see what comes up from people who currently/previously worked there.

Gentleman_nurse, MSN · Mar 5, 2015

You did nothing wrong. You didn't fail. They failed you! You are a new nurse who is also a mature adult. Any competent educator knows the way you teach older adult learners is different from a younger adult students. We do better with experiential learning with lots of practice and patience. Shoving the information down our throats one time with a fire hose and expecting mastery just won't work.

SweenyG · Mar 5, 2015

Any competent educator knows the way you teach older adult learners is different from a younger adult students. We do better with experiential learning with lots of practice and patience.

Yes! That is what I tried to tell them. At times, one of the preceptors (two were in their 20s), said to me, "I've explained that to you a few times." And I told her I learned best by doing....