(I am using my very dear friends laptop and account to write this). She told me about how awesome this site/forum was and that it will help me through this tough time (I am also writing this on my break so I really am doing this to vent). I am a new grad ICU nurse, I thought this was where I wanted to be as a nurse but I am so depressed and feel like the dumbest person on earth. I am usually a relaxed person but I am very nervous going into work. My preceptor likes to work FAST, her motto is "I come to work to get paid, not work all night" so we have to move fast and do as little as possible. I think she is a very smart nurse (seriously i do!) and I think she's a good preceptor, I just think that I am so stupid and need to work somewhere with a slower pace.
I can have things written down but because I know it irritates her to wait for an answer (she has mentioned this MANY times) I just open my mouth without thinking instead of saying hold on and reading my sheet. I don't let things process before I blurt something out. For example I go to work really early, I check the order for G feeds under nutrition, I know that's where to look but as soon as my preceptor asks, I'll blurt out in the medications tab! SMH, I can't understand why I get so nervous.
One issue was during report a patient was to be titrated down from his levo. This patient had his MAPS above 100 the entire shift, while we were giving a bath he had a seizure, during his seizure his MAP tanked to 54 my preceptor yelled to change his levo. I asked: increase or decrease? Stupid question! This is my 5th week of orientation and I got so nervous and she even mentioned that I'm too nervous.
Another incident during report a nurse said a patients levo was on hold. I looked at the monitor (we use space labs) she had an A line and a cuff reading. I looked at the cuff pressure (MAP 52) and asked what the levo was on hold for. Well stupid me didn't look at the A-line reading and I didn't look at the time the BP cuff reading was from. My preceptor and the nurse looked at me like I was the dumbest person on earth. The nurse just looked at me and asked if I knew what levo was for in the rudest way possible.
Another incident was I was told to draw a venous gas. I got the ABG kit and was going to do a venous draw from it. She then stopped me and said that I can never do a veni poke for a venous blood gas, that can only be drawn through a central line. She said that she's mention this before in the past to me but I don't remember. She also had to remind me that the patient had a central line and that I could stop his fluids to draw the blood.
I was giving report and I gave the patients temperature readings during my report on neuro, she said ..I told you to report on neuro, NEURO not cardiovascular, temperatures are cardiovascular.
I am also suppose to cluster my tasks so we will look off his orders and will say "patients is getting these meds, tell me to get the meds, tell me the color tubes I need for labs, the vitals machine and IV fluids...that's way we don't go back and forth which is a waste of time. Well of course my luck, I ALWAYS forgot something! :-(
My preceptor will give a lot of "if you ever get a patient" "when you get a patient" and I honestly can't remember all of that when the time comes, which irritates her.
My preceptor is very blunt, she will straight out tell me who the "dumb nurses are"(I kid you not, that's howshe refers to them) I can only imagine what she's saying about me ...I overheard her talking about me today that I'm dumb and it makes me cry but she's right, I have done some very stupid mistakes.
I may now be out of a job, she said she can't guarantee I'll pass orientation (we get 6 weeks orientation).
OP, I feel for you. Unfortunately, your preceptor is one of "those" nurses. One of "those" nurses who "forgot" what it was like to be a new nurse.
If you are able to extend your orientation, then, I, too, suggest that you ask for a new preceptor (though, be forewarn that that will piss off your current preceptor and her minions, but, if you could care less, then, go for it).
Tip: Ask for someone that your preceptor dislikes, but you know deep down is competent If you end with one of your preceptor's minions, you will just find yourself in a similar situation.
Unfortunately true, then they will sit down and talk about me being the stupidest nurse ever lol.
I will see what my manager thinks this coming week.
^This. This described a unit I left not too long ago.
OP, if you are childless, not having financial difficulties, able to relocate, and the manager refuses to extend your orientation with another preceptor (or is unable to find a suitable preceptor for you), then, by all means, bounce. Life is too short to be miserable.
Sure, you will have to look for a new employer, and you will have to take the time and effort to look for a new job, but, in the end, it will be worth it. Your mind will thank you. Your body will thank you.
EDIT: Just out of curiosity - OP, did you sign an employment contract with your current employer...or a training contract?
No I did not sign a contract. I think once my chains are free from my preceptor I can breathe easy! If not, I will definitely move on.
I wish I could give you a hug right now because your kinda going through what I did 6 years ago as a new nurse. I worked as a tech in critical care for 7 yrs before becoming a nurse and then had to find a job at a different hospital due to them not having any openings for an ADN nurse... I was devastated. I thought I then landed my dream job in a SICU....in the biggest hospital in Ohio . My preceptor was OCD, crazy, mean, never had anything positive to say, yelled orders at the residents, redated iv tubing because I put it on crooked, remade beds because it wasn't strait enough. She would tell me she needed to seek psychiatric help even. You probably get that she was bat crap crazy. The problem was that I was naive, shy, and had no assertiveness about me. I was actually progressing quite well and felt pretty comfortable doing the job, but she would never give me the space to take over and be the actual nurse. I would cry my way to work and even broke down in front of her crying one night. Sadly, I let her get to me and she ended up making me out to be the bad guy. My job ended there when I was cornered in the directors office and her saying bad things about me. I basically told them I was having difficulty because I missed my old place of employment. After that, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I worked in home care for a while where I gained a tremendous amount of confidence, then a small community hospital, then a step-down unit in a larger hospital, and now I recently began working in ER. I now have had my BSN and am working on my Acute care NP. Please hear me, you need to confront your preceptor and be honest with how she is making you feel, then speak to the director and ask for a different preceptor asap!! If your director doesn't understand then try changing units or leave this hospital. 6 weeks is not enough orientation for a new grad either...hold your head high, have confidence. You are a new nurse and aren't supposed to remember everything. I still ask a ton of questions, and learn something new every day.
I sympathise with your situation - very difficult to learn in hostile environments such as these. If it helps, keep in mind that this is a valuable learning experience of the type of preceptor you do not want to be.
Btw, no one has mentioned this on this thread (I think), but your preceptors sedation approach is currently proven to be detrimental to patients. We no longer deeply sedate patients for "peace of mind" or whatever bogus reason (seriously, to not have to go see your patients every so often??... That sounds... Slacker-ish.)
There is a study in the New England journal of Medicine about sedation and delirium in ICU patients. It is interesting and if you have time, read it. The conclusion is simply that :
"Currently available data suggest that the best outcomes are achieved with the use of a protocol in which the depth of sedation and the presence of pain and delirium are routinely monitored, pain is treated promptly and effectively, the administration of sedatives is kept to the minimum necessary for the comfort and safety of the patient, and early mobilization is achieved whenever possible."
Specializes in Surgical, Home Infusions, HVU, PCU, Neuro.
First off congrats and welcome to Nursing! Im super excited that so many posted such awsome advice, personal experiences, frustrations and "tricks" of the trade. As you well know school perpared us for NCLEX, the wonderful land of resources and equipment for every "question" was ready and available to you, and unfortuantely it is never like that at work. In my class we got drilled on CYA. So many others have touched on this so I will try not to harp to much. You busted your rear through prereqs, managed on little to no sleep through nursing school, and emerged from the tunnel after seeing the sweet victory wording of PASSED. These are things that YOU accomplished. The license and number the state your are in is YOURS. Noone is going to fight for that except you. Although Im not to keen on an orientation for a new grad especially in ICU being only 6 weeks, thats not my place to argue it.
This orientation senerio doesn't in the least seem to build a strong and sturdy foundation for you. I agree 100% to talking to manager and preceptor in a meeting and explaining what you are observing, seeing, feeling ect. This conference needs to be done where all parties maintain professional and respectful to each other. If you are feeling that the traning you are recieving isn't laying and/or building on your knowledge foundation something needs to change. It is up to you to speak up and voice your concerns, because ultimately when its all said and done you will be the only one fighting tooth and nail for your license.
3 day work week, sounds appealing doesn't it? Think of exactly how much time you are spending at work. Ideally being able to get off at your schedued time every shift would be glorious and as I'm sure you've seen that doesn't always happen. The trauma victim that was brought into the ER, whisked to surgery, and that persistant flashing light on the phone is PACU, waiting to call report. The code stroke that was called, CT was neg for hemorrhage and TPA was initiated in the ER, this one's yours. Unfortunately "life" doesnt play and abide by the same clock that we use. Your co-workers you may see more than your own family. The people that you will be able to rely on to watch one of your patients while you take your other for MRI. Your work family can make or break you. While working in the float pool Ive been asked, more than I can remember, what floor is my favorite. Hands down I always responded with "it depends on who is working." It doesn't matter where you end up calling "home", you can still get disgruntled patients, overbearing family, frequent pain meds, and those that think the call light is a device to send out morse code messages. The team you are a part of is vital, and in that team you have to be able to ask questions, advise, senerio run downs, or even listen for the phone so you can pee.
The great thing about nursing is there are so many facades to wear. What may be your dream job could be someone else's worst fear. The professional diversity leaves us with so many options, there's something for everyone. One of these days it will be you teaching the ropes to a GN. You will get to have a helping hand in shaping and molding a co-worker you may have to lean on, someone that may be taking care of my family, or even yours. You will be digging in your box of tricks, printing mnemonics that helped you, and sharing your stories, that at one time seemed to be a nightmare, giving living proof it gets better, this time too shall pass. Today you may have had to go into your patients room 50 times more than your preceptor would have, and that 's ok tomorrow it may only be 49! Your head to toe may take twice as long as someone elses and that's ok, because in the end you are working under your license and no one elses. You are the only one that can speak up,
CYA- doesnt just apply to charting. Keep being amazing and don't sell yourself short on the time you deserve for orientation!
I feel bad for you but...you cannot allow this woman to bully you. She doesn't sound like she's worth a bucket of warm spit. Do not let her or anyone belittle you. I can deal with angry, spiteful people all day but she (as described by you) is clearly a bully and she's using you to slate her twisted appetite. Nothing is worth allowing your dignity and self worth to be stripped away.
This is YOUR job, YOUR license, YOUR life; you need to make a stand and fight for yourself... no questions should go unanswered and you should certainly not be made to feel like you are stupid for asking them....Good Luck and remember there is a place for you at that table and you have every right to sit at it.
Great advice! I had a preceptor like this and I wish I had followed this pathway instead of just sucking it up and taking all of the abuse. You are not stupid. You should always feel safe to ask a question. Your preceptor is a bully.
I don't think it's right either especially since she did it standing in the doorway of a patients room with another nurse that I don't even know, I was standing near the med cart which is past the nursing station. Ifor I could hear it, the staff at the station could also hear it . I think it is so unprofessional, I get I make stupid mistakes and ask the dumbest questions but it doesn't need to be shared with everyone on the unit. I think she is a smart nurse and I think I can learn a lot from her but that part is just inappropriate.
I would also talk to the manager but she's been there so long, I don't feel it would do any good. She has horrible nicknames for other nurses...2 nurses have names that rhyme with retarded and lazy, when she's talking about them she will say "and you already know lazy ____ was just sitting" or " retarded ____ had the nerves to ask me..."...for the most part the other nurses or clerks just laugh. I'm sure this is not new behavior.
That is extremely unprofessional..I am so sorry you are in that situation.
She does deserve to know and I think giving her my feedback may help but at the same time I will admit she makes it hard to tell her anything!!!! I feel so belittled the thought of saying anything to her makes me nauseated.
I haven't noticed this comment until just now, but please don't give her any feedback. This is not the personality type who would do well with that and it will just cause her to put you on her "list"!
I'm sorry, but this is real life. Retaliation really happens.
Instead, buddy up with someone nice who answers questions. Then finish out orientation without asking your orienteer anything else that she will target you for.
Aloe_sky, you are most certainly not a dumb nurse although I can guarantee you that you will feel incompetent for at least six months. It's because that's how long it takes to get used to a unit.
I'll tell you what kind of nurse is a dumb nurse. Someone who is unprofessional by speaking inappropriately in front of her patients. Or someone who isolates herself from help by talking badly about her colleagues. It's also the nurse who thinks she's a pro after only a few years of experience. She tries to rush through her shift by using shortcuts and urges others to do the same. But the dumbest nurse of all doesn't believe in asking questions and mocks those who do. Gee, your preceptor fits all of those descriptions! I guess that makes her dumber than I thought!
Sooooo I finish my shift and guess what? I'm giving report to another new hire and her preceptor. While I'm giving report to the new hire, my preceptor is talking about me with the other nurse ...I couldnt even focus on report because I was also trying to listen to what she was saying. I called a permacath a portacath...she corrected me then put a paper over her mouth and said "lord jesus, sometimes I have to wonder if she's taking drugs, and I'm so serious"...I couldn't hear much of the rest but I heard bits of her saying I couldn't remember the rate to set the pump (she expects me to remember this off the top of my head!). Now I still had to smile at the end of shift pretending I didn't hear anything uuuggghhh ....Everytime I read this post I tell myself I'm going to brush what she says off but then today it hit me and I broke down again.I just can't believe she is that much of a low life to always talk bad people and the balls to do it with me standing there, it is so sickening. I put on a smile everyday at work but deep down I'm so tired of it. This is a grown woman about mid 30s! It is just unbelievable to me. The manager didn't come around and I know my preceptor was asking around for her to complain about me.
...I overheard her talking about me today that I'm dumb and it makes me cry but she's right, I have done some very stupid mistakes.
. My preceptor was OCD, crazy, mean, never had anything positive to say, yelled orders at the residents, redated iv tubing because I put it on crooked, remade beds because it wasn't strait enough. She would tell me she needed to seek psychiatric help even. You probably get that she was bat crap crazy. The problem was that I was naive, shy, and had no assertiveness about me. I was actually progressing quite well and felt pretty comfortable doing the job, but she would never give me the space to take over and be the actual nurse. I would cry my way to work and even broke down in front of her crying one night. Sadly, I let her get to me and she ended up making me out to be the bad guy. My job ended there when I was cornered in the directors office and her saying bad things about me. I basically told them I was having difficulty because I missed my old place of employment. After that, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I worked in home care for a while where I gained a tremendous amount of confidence, then a small community hospital, then a step-down unit in a larger hospital, and now I recently began working in ER. I now have had my BSN and am working on my Acute care NP. Please hear me, you need to confront your preceptor and be honest with how she is making you feel, then speak to the director and ask for a different preceptor asap!! If your director doesn't understand then try changing units or leave this hospital. 6 weeks is not enough orientation for a new grad either...hold your head high, have confidence. You are a new nurse and aren't supposed to remember everything. I still ask a ton of questions, and learn something new every day.
Aloe_sky
179 Posts
Unfortunately true, then they will sit down and talk about me being the stupidest nurse ever lol.
I will see what my manager thinks this coming week.