(I am using my very dear friends laptop and account to write this). She told me about how awesome this site/forum was and that it will help me through this tough time (I am also writing this on my break so I really am doing this to vent). I am a new grad ICU nurse, I thought this was where I wanted to be as a nurse but I am so depressed and feel like the dumbest person on earth. I am usually a relaxed person but I am very nervous going into work. My preceptor likes to work FAST, her motto is "I come to work to get paid, not work all night" so we have to move fast and do as little as possible. I think she is a very smart nurse (seriously i do!) and I think she's a good preceptor, I just think that I am so stupid and need to work somewhere with a slower pace.
I can have things written down but because I know it irritates her to wait for an answer (she has mentioned this MANY times) I just open my mouth without thinking instead of saying hold on and reading my sheet. I don't let things process before I blurt something out. For example I go to work really early, I check the order for G feeds under nutrition, I know that's where to look but as soon as my preceptor asks, I'll blurt out in the medications tab! SMH, I can't understand why I get so nervous.
One issue was during report a patient was to be titrated down from his levo. This patient had his MAPS above 100 the entire shift, while we were giving a bath he had a seizure, during his seizure his MAP tanked to 54 my preceptor yelled to change his levo. I asked: increase or decrease? Stupid question! This is my 5th week of orientation and I got so nervous and she even mentioned that I'm too nervous.
Another incident during report a nurse said a patients levo was on hold. I looked at the monitor (we use space labs) she had an A line and a cuff reading. I looked at the cuff pressure (MAP 52) and asked what the levo was on hold for. Well stupid me didn't look at the A-line reading and I didn't look at the time the BP cuff reading was from. My preceptor and the nurse looked at me like I was the dumbest person on earth. The nurse just looked at me and asked if I knew what levo was for in the rudest way possible.
Another incident was I was told to draw a venous gas. I got the ABG kit and was going to do a venous draw from it. She then stopped me and said that I can never do a veni poke for a venous blood gas, that can only be drawn through a central line. She said that she's mention this before in the past to me but I don't remember. She also had to remind me that the patient had a central line and that I could stop his fluids to draw the blood.
I was giving report and I gave the patients temperature readings during my report on neuro, she said ..I told you to report on neuro, NEURO not cardiovascular, temperatures are cardiovascular.
I am also suppose to cluster my tasks so we will look off his orders and will say "patients is getting these meds, tell me to get the meds, tell me the color tubes I need for labs, the vitals machine and IV fluids...that's way we don't go back and forth which is a waste of time. Well of course my luck, I ALWAYS forgot something! :-(
My preceptor will give a lot of "if you ever get a patient" "when you get a patient" and I honestly can't remember all of that when the time comes, which irritates her.
My preceptor is very blunt, she will straight out tell me who the "dumb nurses are"(I kid you not, that's howshe refers to them) I can only imagine what she's saying about me ...I overheard her talking about me today that I'm dumb and it makes me cry but she's right, I have done some very stupid mistakes.
I may now be out of a job, she said she can't guarantee I'll pass orientation (we get 6 weeks orientation).
She is, she's just unreal. I don't know why I think if I report her, it will backfire on me.
If you don't say anything and wait for after the fact, it will be too late. She is verbally stating you are doing drugs, which is slander. Outside of work, she would be liable for that. She will ruin your nursing career if you don't do anything. I honestly would ask her what her problem
is. Do it in a professional manner. She has the issue and not you. She is the one doing something very illegal right now. Human resources at this point, have just cause for letting her go. But don't wait until it is too late out of fear; by that time, it would look like retaliation and not truth.
I also forgot to say she is doing lateral violence, which is a huge no no. She is so far stuck up her own butt and thinking she is super nurse, that she doesn't even realize she is going against protocol and being abusive. Not only is her behavior warranted of her losing her own job, it could cost her her own nursing license.
I'm flying solo!!! Out of orientation, my mistakes were not enough to extend my orientation, other nurses I worked with told my manager they had no issue with me.
I did not report on my preceptor, I just have no energy to even discuss her at the moment. It was a traumatic time for me but I'm glad I made it through. On my first night alone there were a new bunch of fellows and residents starting their rotation on our unit. She was brutal to them and said she has to break them in from the jump so they don't give stupid orders or ask stupid questions. The resident and fellow said "I can already tell working with her will be fun" sarcastically. I had to smile because I realized she is not on my back anymore!!!! I will eventually most likely discuss her behavior with the manager but right now I feel too darn happy!!!
I will eventually make many more Posts for help from you awesome nurses, I have a couple in mind tonight lol.
I know the type. I admit, my favourite patients are sedated, on paralytics and have no family or friends... But, the patients are not there for our convenience! I'm glad to read that you're through with that colleague of yours, hope she doesn't give you too much grief now.
Wow, just reading that post was giving me anxiety! I can't imagine trying to learn from this person. Yikes.
You should know that this is not how preceptors are supposed to be. Yes we have to teach you stuff, and yes we may pop quiz you from time to time. But the good ones will try teaching you in different ways to get the subject matter across.
I have had plenty of newbies who got so rattled that they would say nonsensical stuff and get even more rattled because of it. I would put a hand on their shoulder and say...just breathe.
Talking badly about coworkers is just not okay. Just like it would be unacceptable to talk badly about you.
OP, I hope things improve for you in the future. Hang n there in the meantime.
Wow, just reading that post was giving me anxiety! I can't imagine trying to learn from this person. Yikes.
You should know that this is not how preceptors are supposed to be. Yes we have to teach you stuff, and yes we may pop quiz you from time to time. But the good ones will try teaching you in different ways to get the subject matter across.
I have had plenty of newbies who got so rattled that they would say nonsensical stuff and get even more rattled because of it. I would put a hand on their shoulder and say...just breathe.
Talking badly about coworkers is just not okay. Just like it would be unacceptable to talk badly about you.
OP, I hope things improve for you in the future. Hang n there in the meantime.
Thanks you, I was feeling a lot better but now I'm back to feeling dumb and very insecure..I was fine the 1st few days on my own but I had VERY easy patients. Last night I had 2 patients that crashed, my head was spinning all I could do was rush for anyone to help me...at that moment I wanted my preceptor at my side smh lol!!! It was my first time ever in a code situation and I felt so scared. The other nurses took charge and I watched. Everyday i literally pray none of my patients code!!! Today the wind was knocked out of me.
Once things calmed down I started to rush through my tasks. I even piggy backed an IV drip :-(((((((( I just don't know why I didn't just calm down to think my tasks through. I usually label my lines and I didn't label them last night. I started to get asked if I asked the resident/fellow about certain protocols that I've never heard of, if I started certain nurse driven protocols that I've also never heard of. I was asked to set up an A-line (which I have never had to do) and I asked a nurse for help. She freaked out and said even if I've never done it it's something I should know.
I'm back to my depressed mood, crying since I got home from work. One nurse at the end of shift seen me crying and said she was once in my position and was always crying but now she's a preceptor. It made me feel a tiny bit better but I read stories on new nurses let go from their job because they aren't cut out for the unit. I love ICU but I feel at times I am just too stupid for the unit.
I know this is hard. But remember this too shall pass. When you get in these high stress situations, take a few deep breaths. Studies show that deep breathing calms you down. I know it seems simple but it works. You are being too hard on yourself. You need to show yourself kindness. Remember how you feel now and I can guarantee in 2 weeks you will feel better.
Surround yourself with supportive family and friends. And make sure you are getting enough rest.
You got this girl. If you can survive nursing school, pass boards and handle a preceptor from hell. There isn't anything you can't master. Have Faith and Believe.
Oh my. I just feel like this is harassment that should be addressed. It is obvious that you are not 100% ready to be off orientation!! Maybe go to your manager and suggest a skills fair for the unit, also invite the critical care chief to the meeting, I have found that docs love to teach, it is just who they are and they have always been willing to help on my unit regarding teaching of nursing staff. I also want to recommend that you try to find a mentor. If someone has been nice and helpful to you on or off your unit, up front ask them to mentor you!!! I work at a top 5 children's hospital and they have this type of program, it truly helps you on tough days. Sounds like there are other new nurses on your unit that would benefit from some skills fairs. I am not sure how it works at your hospital but new nurses hired for critical care are called "nurse interns" for 1 year and attend skills classes as well as didactic curriculum classes; they are day shift only for the year, must be observed by the unit CNS or expert level nurse (usually the charge nurse) for things such as the a line 3 times to be signed off on skills. My other suggestion is that you join a critical care nurses association, you can network with supercritical care nurses and attend educational sessions. From my heart, best of luck to you!! And be gentle with yourself.
I know this is hard. But remember this too shall pass. When you get in these high stress situations, take a few deep breaths. Studies show that deep breathing calms you down. I know it seems simple but it works. You are being too hard on yourself. You need to show yourself kindness. Remember how you feel now and I can guarantee in 2 weeks you will feel better.
Surround yourself with supportive family and friends. And make sure you are getting enough rest.
You got this girl. If you can survive nursing school, pass boards and handle a preceptor from hell. There isn't anything you can't master. Have Faith and Believe.
Thank you so much, I felt a lot better going into work today. I felt a bit more prepared, went on YouTube and looked at a lot of code videos, how to set up an A line and things to know about drips. I know my preceptor told me all of this and I also wrote it down (lost my notebook at work). But it takes me actually having to do it on my own for it to stick! I know it should be simple to deep breathe but that's something I need to try to remember to do!!!
...I overheard her talking about me today that I'm dumb and it makes me cry but she's right, I have done some very stupid mistakes.
Nursetk4
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The above comment is for nurseonamotorcycle.