Feeling so Bummed

[nursingforme2]

I am feeling so bummed. I just don't know what to do. I just started nursing school about three weeks ago. The great thing about it is that I was able to get in with one of my friends that I did all my pre-req's with. We've known each other for over 4 plus years. Now in nursing school we have different days in labs and at clinicals, however we still see each other in theory class. I feel like she's separating herself from me. She's not including me into the study groups she gets invited to and she sort of ignores me almost purposely. I have invited her to any and every study group that I have been invited to. I have never left her out because we went in saying that at least we got in the same time and am able to help one another through it. I feel like she doesn't want me to be a part of whatever she is a part of, almost hiding it from me. I just don't know what to do, and it's hindering me being able to study and focus on what is really important. I know this isn't what nursing school is about to worry about friendships but it still affects me. I am the most caring and giving person ever and I don't deserve this. What am I suppose to do?

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

Moved to the General Nursing Student forum.

[compassionresearcher]

I agree with all the previous posts about letting it go and take care of you first. We can't always know why others do what they do, she may not even know. Maybe she feels she wants to be a social butterfly and spread out more and feels like you're cramping her style. Not in a mean way, but different people bring out different parts of us, so it's best to not put all your friendship eggs in one basket. If you pull back and stay neutral with her and make other friends, maybe host your own study group (?), she'll probably be more likely to want to spend time with you. This could also be a subconscious way for you to procrastinate studying by worrying about a situation you have little control over.

Try joining the student nurse association and if they don't have one at your school then start one! It's a great way to meet people.

[HIPAAPotamus, BSN, RN]

The fact that this person's negligence makes you want to defer after three weeks is more than concerning. You're deciding to let someone else's behavior impact your future. I highly suggest seeking your school's resources and speaking to someone within the counseling department.

If your feelings are hurt because a student ignores you, what's going to keep you afloat when a staff RN barks at you, or a patient gives you a hard time? Stemming this behavioral pattern now can help a whole boatload of future anxiety.

[loriangel14, RN]

You really shouldn't be placing the responsibility for your own happiness on the shoulders of one friend. That's not her job. Is this the only friend you have?

[CanadianAbroad]

Oh for the love! Getting depressed and wanting to defer your schooling? Are you kidding me right now? There are students who you beat out to get that spot, and now you are throwing away this opportunity. Stop using your friend as a security blanket!! It is time you start adulting, and be grateful for this opportunity given to you.

I am extremely irritated by this post. Why, because I am one of the thousands of Breckinridge students who are on the cusp of having our program shut down and having to start from square one. So yes, you crying over a friend is nonsense and totally absurd. Be grateful you have the opportunity set before you! Do not squander it because a friend is pulling away, as this is no true friend at all.

[Livelaughlove72]

Make the decision to go or not based on if YOU want to, especially if studying in a group will help you learn. Unless you are dating or married to this girl you shouldn't be jealous if she has other friends, in fact this could be an opportunity for you to meet more friends.

[thelittleRNwhocould]

Haven't read through all the comments yet... but...

I'm in my 3rd out of 4 semesters in my ASN program. Our first two semesters, we had classes with the LPNs, and I had some pretty good friends in those groups. Once our programs split we stopped talking and didn't see each other; and it was okay. In life, it's okay to let people go if you drift apart - trying to force friendships to stay together is only going to accelerate their demise.

[Impossible_To_Tell]

Not to sound harsh, but you need to take a step back. NO ONE PERSON is worth you feeling like crap about your future and yourself. In my undergraduate classes, I let a failing marriage almost stop my progress, and when I really needed them most, found friends slipping away as the direction of my life changed.

People come and go in our lives. Be grateful for the friendship you had, and look forward to the friendships you will make later. But you have to do for you. You're the only one taking your tests, you're the only one walking in your shoes, and only you are under your own control. You have to do for you right now.

It's hard to be alone sometimes, and not being in the "in group" can sting a little bit - even outside of high school dramatics as previously mentioned. But when your patients need care, they aren't going to ask if you had a lot of cool friends in nursing school, but are going to be relying on your abilities and education.

[nurseinthezoo]

Time to realize even your closest friends will make new friends and sometimes those relationships may not include you. May sound like a parent now, but it's part of growing up.

[Brookelin]

I agree with the other posters in that it seems you are being too sensitive. However, I've always been socially awkward myself and can sometimes get my feelings hurt very easily over something that wasn't intentional by the other person. So I understand. You just have to realize your own idiosyncrasies and take that into consideration before getting too upset about it. Other people's perceptions are always going to be different, and that's OK - you can't control that.

As far as making friends, I didn't make my "ride or die" buddies until almost halfway through nursing school. You're only a few weeks in, everyone is still getting to know each other and it will take a while before good friendships will be established.

Also, the "cool kids" who were having the exclusive study sessions during my first semester all failed out by third semester. So I guess they weren't so cool after all. Be careful who you associate yourself with.

[Emergent, RN]

Nursing school can be cliquish. So can nursing. This same thing will happen in your career. Think of this current scenario with this gal part of your education.

[Spanky2014]

It's hard to make new friends and sometimes hard to hold on to old friends, its the side effect of change. I suggest you invite your friend to lunch and have an open and honest conversation and tell her how you feel. That is what you do with true friends; then just let it go. This maybe her way to transition. Nursing school can be just as clicky as any other school. Keep your eyes on your goal, (your RN license). Even though you both started your journey together you still have a journey within that journey that is your own, hold on to that. Do not let her distractions distract you. Nursing school is hard and moves fast. Stay focused, she'll be there when its over and you'll be there when its over for her.