Fear of nursing responsibility is holding me back from being a nurse. Please help!

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MY POST WAS MOVED, SORRY I AM RE-POSTING. I WOULD LIKE FOR IT TO STAY IN GENERAL NURSING, AS I AM NOT A NURSING STUDENT.

So, I didn't really want to come on here to write this, especially knowing I might not get many responses or a response at all. I feel like I am always complaining about this (in my head and to my boyfriend) so I'm just overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, upset...

WARNING I write a lot!

I'll give you guys a summary about me.

Ever since I decided I was going to study to be a nurse (this took years in a CC to finally decide) I really put 110% in everything in order to be able to get into nursing school. I studied really hard to get top grades in my pre-requesites, I was really serious about nursing. I watched YouTube videos, and discovered AllNurses, a place where I would search questions I had, about pre-reques, nursing school, and overall nursing. Once I was done with my pre reqs, I finally was able to apply to the RN program! I did and got rejected. I wasn't so upset, I knew those TEAS scores (:no:) weren't the greatest, I also didn't feel like it was the end of the world, it kinda just made me want to try harder.

Prior to applying to NS, I got my CNA certificate, so since I didn't make it into the program, I was going to look for a CNA job and get some experience since I had never had any nursing exposure, I also began volunteering at one of our local hospitals. After thinking about what I should do next, I decided I was going to try to make it into the LVN program at the same CC. I only needed a couple pre-req courses to be able to apply, I took them, and got A's, This time, it looked a lot better for the LVN program, having some experience also helped, because I got in! It almost seemed like I was never going to achieve what I had been wanting. Hours and hours were spent here and on YouTube learning about other peoples experiences in NS and I REALLY REALLY wanted it too, I was hungry for it! BUT I was finally in, it took about 3 years Just to TRY to get into the program and about 8 years in CC deciding on a career/taking pre-reqs. I am a very dedicated person, persistent person, I REALLY gave it my all to be in the program.

Being in NS was awesome (I honestly miss it) I learned a TON and I felt very blessed and fortunate to be where I was because it had been a dream of mine, and I was so proud of myself for really putting all my effort into it and never giving up.

I graduated in 2016, all As and Bs, good test scores. I did it!

At this point I felt ready for the NCLEX and ready to start working as a nurse (LTC had never been appealing to me but after some clinical experience, I thought it was ok to start off).

Then....

I waited for my ATT. *hurry up!* *I want to take my NCLEX already* *all my classmates got theirs, what about me* *all my classmates passed?? Ok I want to test already* *WOW my classmates got their first jobs as LVNs, I STILL can't test?BRYQJ7kUUyGmmaTpMgDCQpWiZx4Vysr19gcCVawACMbL5+wlFJenpKUCD8vOyMDAMt3QPF4YeY2AAAAAElFTkSuQmCC*

8 months after graduating..Finally I got my ATT (at this point I was renewing my CNA and looking for a job, I hadn't been working all this time)

1 year and 1 month later, I finally was able to take the NCLEX and I passed! First time AND after 1 year of graduating!

Now I am here....

So basically guys, I really wanted to be a nurse, I worked really hard to get into nursing school and I really don't want all this effort to go to waste. I over analyze everything, I am a thinker, I'm thinking about everything all the time. Here's where I REALLY need some words or wisdom/encouragement/advice, hence the "please help" in the title.

It's been over a year since I graduated and gradually, the longer it was taking to test and the longer the gap between graduating and now, I feel like I don't have all that information fresh in my brain, I feel like I probably forgot a lot of important information. I don't feel as ready as I did working as a nurse as I did when I had just graduated, working as a CNA and seeing what nurses need to do to keep the patients safe, kinda frightens me a little. What if I don't know what to do? What if there's a change in condition but I didn't catch it soon?

Also as a CNA i'm really slow, what if I'm this slow as nurse and can't keep up? Thinking about this really made me rethink if LTC is really for me. I was looking for slower paced jobs (because I don't think I can work fast pace or under pressure) so I begin looking for clinic jobs. No luck so far BRYQJ7kUUyGmmaTpMgDCQpWiZx4Vysr19gcCVawACMbL5+wlFJenpKUCD8vOyMDAMt3QPF4YeY2AAAAAElFTkSuQmCC I really wanted to be a nurse this year and not go another year not being what I went to school for.

I started thinking and maybe my only option now is going to LTC as an LVN28WM0+AAABJ0lEQVQY02NgYAICLmEZHR0ZYW4gkwEImJg5xP1Ti6qqClP9xTkgQpwqAR4Onikpng4egaqcICF2xRDHmOwYRzARrMjOwMAileweW1BQEAcm3JKkWBh4fCrts42MCvKzC4yM8u0rvXkYRKJaXWONDEGqjAzjXFujRBhkc1sSHWNzYp3ARGJzriyDdkVdU7yLnUtCApCIb6qr0GZQLq+tb2iEgob62mItBumsmmhTcxsvEDA3ja7JlGMQDao2MYAD4+ogUQZBS2cLMxAEExbOlgIMYqEW3WAIpULFGOTzwjp7OsraLSzayzp6OiPz5BmE5NN6ervaMqys0tu6envS5IUYGPltI0pLwq39fG3DS0ojrPkZGBhZeSU09BTU9XXVlPQ0JfnYGAD2gFky6mUCzQAAAABJRU5ErkJggg==

This is terrifying to me. The way I see nurses in this specialty is that they are very knowledgeable and know exactly what to do, they work so hard and are fast on their feet, I admire that and I aspire to be as knowledgeable as they are. I just don't have the self confidence. I hear LTC is hard, and what if I can't make it there? Then again, I've seen my classmates go from fresh out of NS to LTC nurse and they weren't scared. Why am I so scared? I hate myself sometimes. It's really holding me back. Calling Drs is really intimidating to me, how do I know when to call them? what if they get mad at me? I'm a shy person, phone calls scare me. I'm so scared of not being smart enough, I'm scared of LTC but that seems to be my only option. I've been waiting TOO long for the right place to work but I don't know where else to look. I want to be able to finally say "I'm a nurse" I didn't want to go this year without accomplishing that. I feel so depressed.

Advice?

Sorry guys, I wrote too long, Im getting sleepy, I apologize if I don't make sense anymore BRYQJ7kUUyGmmaTpMgDCQpWiZx4Vysr19gcCVawACMbL5+wlFJenpKUCD8vOyMDAMt3QPF4YeY2AAAAAElFTkSuQmCC

Hi again, had been thinking of the things that scares me about being a nurse. This is especially in LTC as I believe nurses here have a lot of responsibility. I really DO want to be a nurse and be a knowledgeable one, I really aspire to be an awesome nurse but the heavy responsiblity scares me because I don't want to make any mistakes that can cause my license to be taken away or someones life, most importantly. These are some of the things that scares me and/or I'm afraid to fail. Can someone please shed some light here, am I the only one that feels like this?? I really don't like feel "scared to be a nurse"

~So I'm afraid of when the state comes in and observes you. When I was doing clinicals, the LVNs would teach us how THEY do whatever it is that they would be showing us and then say "but when the state is here, you don't do it like this, you do it like this"--I'm not someone that likes to break rules, I like to do things the right way, and having State coming and observe you working would really make me nervous because I'd feel like my license is going to be taken away.

~Not having enough training/orientation. Its been over a year since I graduated, I feel like I'd need extensive orientation.

~I'm a CNA in LTC and sometimes dementia patients can really burn you out. I'm usually a very patient person and the ones that occasionally forget things here and there or the ones that are still very sweet, don't really bother me. HOWEVER, having to CONSTANTLY watch someone because they keep getting out of bed and they are fall risk can really take a lot from you especially if you have other things to do, or having to repeat yourself over and over again when it comes to patient safety. (I may sound mean here, I'm not, I just don't want to feel burnt out so fast and usually this makes me feel like that)

~Calling Drs intimidates me. When do I call them? What do I say? Will they get mad at me for calling?

~Most importantly, making decisions and nursing judgement. I mean, HOW am I going to know what is good for the patient, how do I make important decisions when it comes to my patients. Using nursing judgement? How do I know if I have good nursing judgement? I feel like I don't know anything!

Am I the only one that feels like this? I'm scared to try but I don't want to be. I want to be able to be like other people and just go out there and DO IT. I'm just afraid of failing or not being competent enough to be a nurse.

It sounds like you've got quite a mess in your head that only you can sort out. Maybe it will feel less overwhelming to you if you pick out one or two issues at a time to focus on.

Ok?....so I'm doomed then? Is nursing not for me?

I mean I tried looking for slower paced jobs but haven't been lucky, and I don't want to keep waiting. I graduated last year, I don't want another year to go by.

In general no type of nursing is slow paced. Clinics still get busy.

I agree with Sour Lemon, you have too much going on in your head. You need to get that sorted out,

Everybody is nervous at first. But until you actually do it, you will never get over your fears. The longer you go without having a nursing job, the harder it will be to get one.

Maybe talk to somebody about all of your anxieties.

I spoke with my nursing instructors they didn't seemed too concerned and just suggested other areas but like I said it seems LTC is my only option at the moment. I'm just worried I wont be competent enough or fast enough, I'm a really calm, slow person in general.

Everybody is nervous at first. But until you actually do it, you will never get over your fears. The longer you go without having a nursing job, the harder it will be to get one.

I agree with you though! That's what I keep telling myself to give me that push. I just really need need to grow some OOs

Specializes in ER.

Just jump in, it will make sense as you do it.

You can fret about it, or you can hold your nose and jump. The alternative is to throw away those years of work without even trying. You got through school so you are smart enough. If you keep thinking, you're going to kick your own butt so hard you won't be able to move.

Maybe it would be helpful to have a therapist as you go through the hiring process, and the first year. If you try and decide it's not for you, that's one thing, but if you don't even try, you'll regret it forever.

Just jump in, it will make sense as you do it.

You can fret about it, or you can hold your nose and jump. The alternative is to throw away those years of work without even trying. You got through school so you are smart enough. If you keep thinking, you're going to kick your own butt so hard you won't be able to move.

Maybe it would be helpful to have a therapist as you go through the hiring process, and the first year. If you try and decide it's not for you, that's one thing, but if you don't even try, you'll regret it forever.

Thank you for your reply, I really need that push. It's basically just me and my demon thoughts in my head. I really don't have any friends nor did I keep in contact with my nursing classmates which really sucks because I could really need someone to talk to that can relate to new nurse anxieties. I think about it everyday and I really just want to go out there and try, I'm really shy and interverted so I feel like it's a lot harder for me

Hi, I just came across your post and am wondering how things are going for you?

Specializes in neuro/ortho med surge 4.

You will be a good nurse because you care about making mistakes. You are conscientious. Honestly, if you can, talk to a therapist about this. It sounds like you have a lot of anxiety stuff going on as well as low confidence levels. Therapists can help you look at things differently so you will think differently. I am the exact same way and I let low confidence and anxiety ruin good jobs for me. I would go for it and also get counseling- just a suggestion. 

Specializes in Physiology, CM, consulting, nsg edu, LNC, COB.

(I write a lot too, LOL)

There is waaaaaay to much anxiety over what some people call loosing (losing) their licenses, not knowing enough to take responsibility, calling physicians, killing somebody through an error, and all the rest.
NEWSFLASH:  You are not remotely unique or unusual in these feelings. All new nurses feel like this. Now, stop and look around you. See those nurses? They felt like that too. I did, too. 

There is a thing called “imposter syndrome,” a belief that we are not good enough and other people will find us out. 

It’s time to give yourself a little tough love. Reality check, news flash, whatever. Seriously. Read on.

A hundred years ago or so I taught NCLEX review courses to new grads. I used to say, “OK, now, tell me about your programs. Your faculty, pretty easygoing, let stuff slide, low standards to pass, like a 2.15 GPA, right?” And they looked at me like I had lost my mind —and that they had just lost big bucks paying for this. 

“Alrighty then, so not so much like that. So if that faculty felt that you were ready to be beginning nurses, they likely knew what they were talking about. So … you are.” 

I know you already passed NCLEX, so that worry is behind you and done. Now you have to realize that all the rest is also behind you and done. Because it is.

Losing a license takes real effort. If you don’t want to go to the trouble of committing felony theft of pt belongings, drunkenness on duty, performing surgery at the bedside, stealing opioids, or doing any number of really dangerous or illegal things, chances are vanishingly rare that the BON will pay any attention to you whatsoever other than wanting your money and CEU documentation every two years.

BTW: You can’t be working as a CNA or LPN if you have  passed the RN NCLEX. You have an RN license so you are held to RN standards of practice no matter what your job description or your employer says. They are ripping you off if you’re being paid as a CNA or LPN. You CAN get into trouble with the BON if you don’t perform to RN standard and something is missed / undone that an RN ought to have caught. Think about that.

Now to your other concerns. Before you call the doc, remember that you are not the only new nurse she’s talked to. They do not hire, evaluate, discipline, or fire nurses except on television, so no worries there. Most are civil and professional. The very few rude jerks are no more prevalent in medicine than rude grocery clerks or housepainters. That’s life, and you’ve seen worse. Chill.

Plan what you’re going to say—ADPIE is one framework. Write it down PRN. Have current VS, meds, whatever the doc will need to answer your question. Say it. It will be easier and easier the more you do it— and faster than you think.

It is also a lot harder than you think to kill somebody (also unlike how it is on TV). You will develop your skills and confidence as you go along.  You will always have a supervisor or coworker to ask, even if it takes a phone call. Remember that person has been in your shoes too and knows how you feel.

I hear you about overthinking and anxiety. No matter where you work you’ll be new at it. This will not be a surprise to your coworkers. It will be to their advantage to give you an orientation— and spare me the horror stories of “nurses eat their young.” Most places by far are not like that, either. You should also take advantage of CEUs anywhere they’re offered. The networking will help too.  

You will do yourself a favor to treat yourself to a few sessions of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to help you c your anxiety. And you will learn to see yourself as less exceptional and more acceptable, with more personal agency than you give yourself credit for.

Go forth and go good work. Let us know what happens. 

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