Hi beautiful nurses!
I just wanted to come on here to vent a little and also would like some encouragement and motivation as I feel I'm running out of that. My story is super long, so I'll try to shorten it (I've written about parts of my struggles here before).
First, I got into nursing school for LVN/LPN in 2015 and graduated in 2016. When I graduated, I was ready and excited to start my nursing career and was ready to take the NCLEX. However, I waited a long time to get authorized to test, because I guess they lost my file or some other thing happen (I'm also in Cali). Anyway, I ended up being able to test until June 2017, at this point I was working as a CNA at a SNF while I was waiting to test. Ok, so I passed my NCLEX, first try in 2017 and was looking for a nursing job. Honestly, I've always been afraid to work in SNF because of the heavy responsibility and honestly at this point of having graduated a year ago, I felt like I wasn't smart enough. They had offered me a job there at SNF as an LVN but I had to think about it, since I felt I wasn't smart enough. Fast forward, in mid 2018 I briefly worked as an LVN in a school doing one on one with a little kid. I was there for about a month an a half, didn't really do much besides watching the kid. Then I get a call from a clinic I had applied to when I was working in SNF, to come in for an interview, and I decided to take that job and leave the school job. So I worked at this clinic for 9 months. And this is what happened:
I got fired the day after posting, in 2019. Been without a job since. Basically, since I graduated Nursing school in 2016, I feel like I haven't had a proper nursing job. I waited a whole year just to take the NCLEX, because Cali... So now I feel like I need to go to nursing school again, just to regain all the knowledge. I know of people who went to nursing school after me, and are now nurses, and I just look at myself and think it's been 4 years this year since I graduated. Haven't worked as a nurse (in terms of doing nursing skills I learned in school). I'm starting to doubt myself and think I shouldn't even be a nurse because I'm not smart, I'm not very ambitious at this point because it's been so long and I just feel like I'm never going to get there. I don't have any friends, and I don't have any family members that can give advice or motive me. I'm just on my own and it is a lot easier to get discouraged. I've been unemployed for 6 months now and I've been looking for jobs but they are all agency, so I'm not sure how that works or if that would be good, I also saw one for home health but since I haven't been on my own, I feel like I should work with other nurses and not just start off on my own.
I am now 30 years old, jobless, and afraid to be a nurse (I feel dumb, and like the responsibility will be too much for me). I am so disappointed in myself. I had this dream of being a nurse and it just doesn't seem like it'll happen. I should be working right now, move out, have some money saved up, start my own family, but my life hasn't turned out how I pictured it.
I need some serious motivation, and a hard push to just do things and not be afraid, but like I said, I don't have anyone, so it's easy for me to just feel like giving up.
Well, I guess I still ended up making this post long. Sorry. Any advice? Sometimes it helps to hear I am not the only one that has felt like this, and people went through the same thing and now are successful nurses. At least I hope that can happen. Help!!