hi my name is julie. i have been a nurse for 15 years and have loved almost every day. i can easily say it is my passion, however, less than a month ago, i made the first and only med error of my 15 year career. i hung a med that looked like pcn, but was not. it was a cardiac toxic drug and resulted in the almost immediate death of my beautiful pt, and the end of my life as ive known it. my spirit is broken, my ability to take the next breath, severely challenged. and the internal battle against the thoughts that are there to defeat and destroy me are constant.
i am feeling desperate to connect with anyone who has lived through this same horror. i have been trying in vain for over a week to find some way of linking up in a support group for nurses trying to get thru something like this. of the 310,000 med errors in this country last year, 7000 were fatal! where are all those nurses?!! are they all suffering alone like i am?
PLEASE, IF YOU HAVE BEEN THRU A SIMILAR SITUATION, CONTACT ME. I BELIEVE WE CAN HELP EACH OTHER SURVIVE IN A WAY OTHERS MAY NOT BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND. i am outraged that a support network does not exist for these nurses even with documented sucides reported.
any suggestions? thank you and i am so sorry for the somber theme. julie
I was going to send a PM, but then decided to just write it here for all to see. People make mistakes, every day. It's just that when nurses do, the potential for fatality is there. I am very sorry for you Julie, as I know how it feels.
In my graduate year as an RN, I was placed in the ICU for a rotation. After one month there, I administered potassium chloride into a burette and set the drip rate for one hour infusion. Unfortunately, when I returned to check it in 10 minutes, the entire infusion had run through, due to a malfunctioning IV roller clamp set. The patient arrested. He was resuscitated, but had suffered anoxic brain injury and was removed from support at his family's request.
The family and hospital adminstration were informed immediately, and many interview followed. Funnily enough, the doctors were much more supportive than the nurses, who suddenly seemed to forget checking the drug, or going over the administration with me. They just wiped their hands of it in many cases.
I know the feelings you are going through. I had to go through a Coroners Court investigation, make police statements, testify etc. It was very traumatic, with almost no support from either my employer or my nursing association. I had to fight even to get adequate legal representation.
As a graduate nurse, I considered quitting, or leaving ICU for a less acute area. However, what I decided has shaped my current career. I decided that I didn't do anything wrong, and was not going to be cowardly and leave. I decided instead to be the best nurse I could be, in that setting.
I went ahead and studied critical care at a tertiary hospital, became a CNS and did very well. I now work for a medical device company.
If you are a good person, you will feel guilty. However, this does not make you a bad person, or even a bad nurse. It just makes you a human that has made mistakes. I would join the others in suggesting counselling, as I know it helped me immensely to talk about what had happened. Feel free to PM me anytime you feel bad, or want to talk. It can happen to anyone - I'm sorry you are the one right now.
This really angers me that you got no support from your fellow nurses - I hate people like that.:trout:
My heart goes out to you.....nurses are so rushed and stressed that it is difficult to be mistake free......even really good caring nurses.....there does need to be more support......nurses don't support each other enough......especially the new nurses who need to be mentored.
God love and care for you. I am so very sorry this happened to you!!! or any other nurse for that matter. Please see someone to help with your feelings and above all, don't give up your career! As so many others have already stated, our profession needs compassionate and caring nurses like you.
My heart goes out to you Julie! I am so very sorry that this has happened. I am sure all the advice in the world is not going to help the pain you are feeling now. Just know that you are in our thoughts and may we as a community of nurses help in some small way. We are here to listen and offer support.
like the others, my heart goes out to you knowing how human we all are and how easily it could have been any one of us.
when i mentioned your post to my daughter, saying how awful there don't seem to be any support groups, she checked it out, and came up with the following:
from the mitss website: "if you are a nurse who is having difficulty dealing with the emotional aftermath brought on by an adverse medical event, we urge you to give us a call at (508) 337-2900 or toll free at 888-36mitss. all contact will be kept strictly confidential. call us today and begin your journey of healing."
i hope they are what you are looking for, and are able to help you. i can't even imagine how terrible you must feel, and not sure i'd want to return to nursing. but whatever happens, remember - it was a mistake. you did not do it on purpose, and what is done is over. it is time for you to slowly try to pick up the pieces and move on with your life. will keep you in my prayers.:icon_hug:
Although the nurse is ultimately responsible for medication administration errors, the entire facility system definitely comes into play in any sentinel event. In the ICU where I used to work, the pharmacy would routinely send vercuronium and other potent neuromuscular paralyzing agents unflagged through the tube system. These would be in inconspicuous 100 ml secondary IV bags, right along with the penicillin, ceftrioxone, zofran, magnesium, and any of a multitude of other IV medications. How very easy it would have been to mistake one bag for the other if the nurse was not diligently checking I discussed with the pharmacist how very dangerous this practice was, but I don't know if any action was taken. At the very least, these agents need to be flagged, sent separately from all other medications, and have two nurses sign-off before administering.
Yes, yes this is what I was going to say. Many studies that have looked at med errors and noted that mini bags and IV meds are handled in a most dangerous way throughout the whole system. The drugs most likely to kill are in bads that look just like antibiotics and NSS. FDA has to go after this before others are injured and killed.
From the MITSS website: "If you are a nurse who is having difficulty dealing with the emotional aftermath brought on by an adverse medical event, we urge you to give us a call at (508) 337-2900 or toll free at 888-36MITSS. All contact will be kept strictly confidential. Call us today and begin your journey of healing."
(I think the above link in the post above is outdated or maybe its my
computer)
Hugs to you Julie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
( Thanks for the source Weetziebat)
Yeah, weird. When I opened up the e-mail my daughter sent me, it went through beautifully. Now just get the invalid site (or whatever it says) Was trying to fix it when you posted, jahra - thanks
Thank you for sharing your story. There is nothing I can say that will help you feel better about this. Only time will make you comfortable with what has happend. It is a good wake up call for all in the medical field, because we only human we will continue to make human mistakes. I dont think I would ever feel OK with the situation and I dont know that it should be that way. However, it happened and you have to give yourself time to digest it and come to terms with it. Know this we are cut from the same cloth and we hurt right along with you because even if some cant remember we started out for the smae reasons to help others and know you need our help. Please keep writing and let us know how you are doing you bother and sister nurse care about you and your well being. YOU ARE A GOOD NURSE, you are also human.
I dont even know what words to say after reading your post. I am devastated for you. I think you are so courageous for coming on this site and posting your experience. You never know what other nurse in a similar situation may be helped by your post....knowing that he/she is not alone. I pray that you are getting the support you need from your family and coworkers. Your words are one of my greatest fears come true. The very scary part is that it is sooooo easy for something like this to happen. How often we nurses are all in a hurry, or tired, or just being human beings -- we can make a mistake. I am so sorry this has happened to you - I'm praying for you. God bless you.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
oh boy I feel for you. This could easily happen to any of us. Thank you for sharing your story and my heart and thoughts go out to you, and that patient's family. I feel for you all.....and am thinking of you.
What blows my mind is that PHYSICIANS who have many more years of training, are casually overlooked for errors while nurses seem to be held to a higher standard.
I am not a nurse (working on pre-req's) but my mother was a MSN and had 43 years of experience in nursing before her retirement.
When my mother was in the hospital a year before her death, she had a major fear of errors...because she had seen them all the time. Even in her sometimes drug induced state, she would not allow them to medicate her without knowing exactly what they were giving her and how much they were giving.
I don't remember all of the details, but I remember her telling of a night where a physician, that was not long out of residency, had actually called for a near-fatal dose of a medication for a child brought into the ER. I don't remember what it was, but I do remember her saying it would have been the correct dosage for an adult.
She told the physician this, the physician balked at her, and ordered the administration (they were in the same room), she stepped out, filled the syringe, came back into the room and handed it to the physican and said, "if anyone is going to kill this patient it's going to be you...not me."
Imagine this: The physican just looked at her and he KNEW that she was 100% certain of her convictions. He went with her recommendation instead.
I have lost count of how many stories very similar that she has told us over the years.
I discussed with the pharmacist how very dangerous this practice was, but I don't know if any action was taken. At the very least, these agents need to be flagged, sent separately from all other medications, and have two nurses sign-off before administering.
banditrn
1,249 Posts
This really angers me that you got no support from your fellow nurses - I hate people like that.:trout: