Falling into severe depression ...(vent)

dionnedillon · Feb 18, 2009

nsg school will be tough but u must give it a try, can u imagine 20 yrs. from now if u did not try and u spent the rest of your life wondering what if. What may happen with your mom and dad has not happened so stop dwelling on that and focus your energy on school. If those things do happen u can deal with them then.

Mommy2NQ · Feb 18, 2009

Maybe nursing school is just what you need. You are having so many emotions right now. You can give it your all at school and keep your mind off of everything else. I know...it is easy for me to say but it is worth a shot. After you are finished with school you can see how ( or how not) your marriage survived that stressful time. At least you will be doing this for yourself and you might just be happy you can be independent from your husband and parents. Good luck.

MisterSimba, BSN · Feb 18, 2009

I don't know the complexities of your marriage situation, but maybe you and your husband can work it out? Maybe you could try counseling or a trial separation? As far as the nursing school situation, there's so many options: scholarships, financial aid, loans, tuition reimbursement programs through local hospitals..... Also, maybe you'll meet someone in your nursing program who needs a roommate? I'm single, so I am not going trough what you are, but I will also be starting nursing school soon (in a few months) and the thought of how I'm going to pay for everything is on my mind every day. I know I'll find a way to work it out.

Maybe you could even go on Craig's List and see if there's any single moms or dads who work the night shift who would be willing to rent out a room to you for a small amount of money in exchange for you being home with their kids while they work the night shift. This would be beneficial to both of you. Also, you could babysit on nights and weekends to make some extra money.

I'm scared too: scared of getting all the money together that I need, scared of inserting my first IV, NG tube, foley, etc.... but I figure life is supposed to be hard and scary at times, because then, when you succeed and overcome those obstacles, life is that much sweeter!

Take it one day at a time, BREATHE, and hang in there! Best of luck to you!!! :redbeathe

whiteoleander5 · Feb 18, 2009

I am in my second semester, and can say that going through nursing school is so much harder when personal issues get in the way. I also notice that even minor personal issues seem exacerbated while in school... Meaning that a tiny fight that I would normally have with my boyfriend turns into a huge one, and if it is not resolved before I go to clinical the next morning, I am just extra cranky..haha. And it is all because of the stress that nursing school brings. There are many times when I just want to crawl into a hole, even when Im not going through any personal issues!... But it passes.

I cant really tell you what to do in your situation. I wouldnt give up on nursing school before you have even tried it though... However, if you feel that your personal issues arent going to get better anytime soon, then nursing school could always wait. You really have to do whats best for you... The biggest thing I have learned in nursing school is that you need to focus on yourself sometimes too, that you are still a person and you have to make sure your mentally and physically ready to go through the program. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, though. Please keep me updated, I hope you find an answer soon.

jamieousn · Feb 18, 2009

hey....reading your post reminds me so much of myself. i am not married..but in the last 4 years my life has fallen apart. i am a senior in the nursing program and sometimes i dont know how i made it!!! to sum it up...throughout the program my house has burned down, my parents got a divorce, my ex-boyfriend committed suicide, another boyfriend and his brother died in a car accident, my mom went crazy, my dad ended up having another family on the side and i have a "new" half brother that is 20 years old, and im currently in a healthy relationship.....yet my past keeps getting in the way which causes plenty of fights. and im still here and passing all my classes and doing fine!!! now you may say..."oh well you just might be a stronger person" or seomthing like that...well i am not. when things go wrong with the boyfriend i find myself not even able to go to class sometimes. i know it sounds crazy to some people..but i do not handle stress well. i get very anxious all the time and think the whole world is falling apart. i see a psychologist to deal with the issues in my past and it helps..maybe try that?? some people would tell me.."oh go to school and/or clinical and it will help take your mind off your problems." i dont work like that. i cant really function when i feel so hopeless!! all i know is that i have made it somehow. the best advice i can give you is take care of youself MENTALLY and PHYSICALLY. set aside time for youself to relax and not think. take a bath. go for a walk/run. go to the park..be outside.. whatever helps you relax and think positive - do it. the program can be time consuming...but it is not too bad. i am not brilliant..and i have managed to keep a 3.6 with all the crap going on around me. i wouldnt worry about the money part. there is always a way. most people in school dont have the money to go..but it works out somehow.

WHEN you start the program in 6 days...feel free to email me if you need to talk. i really do understand how you are feeling right now..and it is miserable. good luck and do your best to think positive and take care of yourself. -jamie

[email protected]

TaylorNursing · Feb 18, 2009

Thank you so much everyone! Everyone's words of encouragement brought tears to my eyes. I keep on telling myself to focus on just one day at a time. I've been severely depressed once before in my life and I'm going to try everything possible to not let that happen again! I hope my husband and my marriage works out. I really want it to. We are both very stubborn people though. Divorce papers are just sitting in the office waiting to be filled out, but I'm hoping to delay all that until we are both on more steady ground. I plan on going to nursing school in 6 days and I'm going to try my best at it. I'll just deal with things as they come along.

Thanks again everyone. And thanks Jamie for the free offer to "talk"; I may take you up on it sometime.

SoundofMusic · Feb 18, 2009

Yeah -- but if you don't go to nursing school, these problems will remain, and you will have the additional problem of no career and no way to become independent and have in income!

Perhaps your husband seeing you go will jolt him out of something. Or I agree that it will be great diversion that will get your mind off of your personal life which currently is on 24/7.

I went through a huge crisis in school -- my son was diagnosed with autism and my spouse also took off on a deployment w/ the military. School actually saved me during those times, as it gave my mind a rest from thinking about my problems all day long.

markuskristian · Feb 18, 2009

the college you're going to should have a free counseling department, you may want to go check that out... Just talking stuff out with someone really helps... I've been going to a psychologist once a month for maybe half a year... It helps more than anyone could possibly realize.

Also, get financial aid info. It would help your parents and get rid of your own guilt.. Plus financial aid can cover student housing on campus.

With the husband, I'm not sure what to say since I've never been married. Again, ask the counselor.

I'll be praying for you :)

jamieousn · Feb 18, 2009

good suggestion on counseling !!!! at my school it is 12 bucks per session. it has helped a lot and it makes it convenient to schedule appt's around class time.

travel50 · Feb 18, 2009

I'll tell you my story briefly. When I was 21, I found myself with 2 small girls and divorced with no education. I had married the love of my life. He joined the army, got into drugs and alcohol, abusive, etc. I couldn't live with it all, so I took my little ones and left. I am not inclined to being depressed, but at that point in my life I was. Some days I could not get up. I had moved to a nice trailer house and was using what little savings I'd had to pay bills. One day, while lying on the couch exhausted from hours of crying, I heard a noise in the kitchen. I looked up and saw my 4 yr old searching in the fridge, trying to find something the baby could eat. (I say "baby"...she was almost 2). The older one decided on cottage cheese, thinking it would be easy for the baby to eat. Baby hated cottage cheese, but she was hungry and crying. I felt so sorry for them that I forced myself to get up and feed them. I went that week to the university's nursing dept (kids in tow), and asked for help to get in the program. I didn't know how to do anything to get in. They walked me through each step (kids still in tow). I took the max I could for student loans, using it for tuition, books, living expenses, etc. My parents would not help with tuition b/c I had gotten myself in that situation. They did help, however. Daddy gave me his old car, paid the insurance and put new tires on it. Mother did our laundry and babysat alot. A month later, I started the 2 yr nsg program. When things began to get easier, other things fell apart. My brother and his wife were getting a divorce. My brother is an ass, my sister-in-law couldn't cope. My girls by then were 2 and 5. I was handed my brother's girls, ages 1 and 4. Within a week, my ex-husband's brother was sent to prison. His wife lost it, so I got their 3 girls, ages 7, 8, and 9. So there I was, 22 yrs old, the sole support for 7 little girls, ages 9 and under, two in cloth diapers. I worked doubles on the weekends to supplement my student loan money. I got no welfare assistance b/c I made too much money. I'd rush home from school so I could get to parent-teacher conferences in time. Or take the girls to the goodwill and try to find the older ones some clothes that were nice enough so that the other kids at school would not make fun of them. It was hard to keep them all fed, clothed, enough school supplies, a few toys, and just time to care for their emotional needs. (My emotional needs got lost somewhere along the way!) I'd go to school to turn in papers, the four youngest following me like little ducks in a row. After supper, we'd all play with the little ones, get them bathed and in bed, then do schoolwork with the older girls. After their lessons and listening to them (very important), I'd stay up sewing for the younger girls, then I'd collapse in bed way too tired to study. One of my instructors discovered that I was taking the girls to the swimming pool on Sunday afternoons. They loved to go, and the situation was not their fault. When it got too cool to swim, my teacher came and got the girls and took them to play so I could study.

Somehow I got through the program, although alot of it looking back is a blur of exhaustion. But it taught those kids to never give up. They figure if I could do that while making them each feel loved beyond belief, then they can do anything.

The girls all turned out well. They are married, have their own kids now, working, staying home or in college as they choose. And they have wonderful memories of those hard times (I am glad they never noticed that when we went for walks, I searched the ground for pennies b/c if I had 23 of them it would buy a can of soup for their supper).

Nursing school is very hard, but you can do it the same as I did. I did it b/c I had to. Whatever your motivation, you can do it too. I now have a BSN, and am working on my master's. I remarried and had 4 more wonderful children, now grown. I have enjoyed being a nurse, and often think how much harder life would have been if I hadn't gotten through the program. Almost every day, I go home knowing I have helped someone, made a difference that day. Whatever I went through was worth it. It will be for you. You are strong enough to do anything in the world that you want to do, no matter how had it is. So hold your head up, tell yourself you can do it, and recognize that the challenges you face are the very incentive you need to push yourself to success.

And as someone else said, feel free to send me a note anytime you need to do so.

Good luck!

AnnaSL, BSN, RN · Feb 18, 2009

In every career or profession that we want to achieve, expect that you will encounter a lot of hardship... Should this stop you? No.. It is the time to take the initiative to be a working student... If this is your dream, GRAB it and hold on to it..

Ask of your Husband, I know it's none of my business but as stated,INCOMPATIBILITY ISSUES in living together?

We all know for a fact that when we engaged IN a RELATIONSHIP, the two person involved grew up differently, raised by their parents differently... You got into the relationship, got married because of LOVE, right.. Loving someone means Compromising but at the same time, bringing out the Best in you.. If it's just a matter of Not flushing the toilet, on how differently you both squeeze the toothpaste, or he's a mess in the kitchen stuff, that thing can be talked about..

Both of you should remember why both of you got married..

If INCOMPATIBILITY ISSUES in LIVING TOGETHER will always be the reason for divorce, then nobody will be staying that much longer anymore.. unless there are other reasons.. Try to assess how you approach things..

I cant really advice you to dont mind your relationship with your husband and pursue nursing as if nothing is happening, because reality wise, your study will be affected.. Deeply affected especially you still love him.

But, if there really isnt anymore ways to save the relationship, it's the time for you to step it up and take control of your life, WORK like there's no tomorrow and STUDY as if it was your last day on earth.. Support yourself... take one step at a time... If you think you cant afford to go to school, take one step at a time, find a Job. Then if that Job can support yourself through Nursing, then work and study...

There are brighter hopes.. Hope for something yet to come... No room for slowing down..

Challenge all your Excuses.. It's like running another mile when you are already tired... Keep running....Give life your best shot...Dont give up...