Experienced nurse with a intense, dramatic, anxious trainer/preceptor

Nurses Relations

Updated:   Published

I've been a nurse for the past 5-6 years; back ground PH, Ambulatory care, and case manager for patients that are transferred to acute care inpatient/obs, snf, and back etc. My new job is hospital inpatient cm. This hospital is very new to me; services, protocols, programs - I have 6 wks of training. I've been a nurse for a while so I've learned not to take bad comments to heart. However, my trainer has been horrible.

After my 3rd or 4th day she ridicules me, gets irrate, irritable, lacks any kind of patience. Right now I'm on my 8th day - she continues to refuse to teach me, expects me to know(despite not showing me), and has tried to blame me for things as a trainer shouldn't have been missed (she says, "I guess I'll take the blame"- referring as if its my fault when she forgets something. I'm just happy to be done with her as I train in another shift. She even makes snide remarks on my background as a nurse; of course I don't have 30 yr experience as her.

As someone who has trained staff in my prior position, you just don't conduct yourself in such a unprofessional manner. I'm thinking she stresses her whole family out daily. Anyway, please remember not to eat the young new nurses or ones you are training. Your energy projects onto them and its not a healthy learning experience.

Davey Do

10,476 Posts

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).

No, RNintheBay, it is not a healthy learning experience.

However, it has been said that we learn as much from our bad instructors as we do the good ones.

"With these oxen, we must plow."

Good luck, and the best to you!

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Crush

462 Posts

Specializes in Case manager, float pool, and more.

Sounds like she applied for the job and didn't get it. Jealousy?

DaveyDo is right though. We learn from both the good and the bad. Although I hated one of my preceptors, I did end up learning from her. In fact, it is 4 years since she precepted me and we are now friends. (but no longer work together)

RNintheBay

18 Posts

@Davey Do & @Crush, BSN - it's definitely not a healthy learning environment; I'm not sure how a newer grad would handle such bad behaviour. From orienting with her I have noticed she critiques the staff since she claims to be a "perfectionist" and who knows, she might have wanted a fam or friend for the position I got (it happened at my old job lol). I already have ideas to work more efficient and effective than her. Some trainers in the past I respect later on; however, this one most def. is not one of them.

TruvyNurse

354 Posts

I've been in similar situations where the preceptor is overbearing to say the least. Stick up for yourself and hopefully your time with her will go quickly.

Preceptor is a nut job. You know how to handle those. Learn what you can and get through "orientation".

Complaining about your preceptor is a no win situation.

Trauma Columnist

traumaRUs, MSN, APRN

88 Articles; 21,249 Posts

Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

Moved to pt/colleague relations

PotatoRN

7 Posts

Specializes in MedSurg/Tele, Public health.

I am going through almost the exact same situation right now, but I am a new nurse with 1yr experience. The passive-aggressive attitude, the 'I won't teach you and you should somehow already know' mentality is exhausting and discouraging. The part that really grinds my gears is reprimanding me unprofessionally in front of patients during bedside report. In all honesty it did get to me. Anyways, I am glad to hear some advice and that I'm not alone here, and that it's not just because I am new that this is happening. I wasn't sure what to do because some people say report that kind of behavior or it will continue, but others say it will only cause me more issues so just finish orientation and manage it best I can when I run into those preceptors again.

RNintheBay

18 Posts

@PotatoRN you'll have good and bad nurses training you throughout your career. Just truly try your best; I would even go to work early to review my patients while I was getting use to their workflow and also review/update your personal notes daily. The mean spirited behaviour is not a healthy learning experience, if she's too much let her know. A few times I told mine, "please do not yell" or "I'm trying my best, im still learning and new here" in front of staff since she was belittling me in fromt of them anyway lol; when other staff hear/see it her poor behaviour, she comes into a bit of realization of her actions. A few times, one of the other nurses told her, "she can hear you calling her, she is on the phone doing your work" etc. lol. Sadly, people are right about not reporting bad behaviours - departments are closey knit, dont act frazzled by her, stay positive (I smile despite wanting to cry inside! Lol because I try not to let her energy affect my psych) and keep doing your best. *However, if you feel that she is escalating and it is something you can no longer tolerate speak to your manager about requesting to train with another or even another shift. If you need advice feel free to message me.

broughden

560 Posts

@PotatoRN

I completely disagree with the "dont report it" advice. Whether it's verbal abuse or sexual harassment, if you dont report it then it will continue. Period.

#MeToo has hit Hollywood and other industries, it needs to hit the healthcare industry as well. Bullying, abuse and sexual harassment is far far to common in the hospital setting.

PotatoRN

7 Posts

Specializes in MedSurg/Tele, Public health.

@RNinthebay

Thank you for the encouragement and for being open to give advice, I really appreciate it.

And thanks again for sharing, it was perfect timing as I browsed allnurses after a depressing shift.

I will definitely be more direct in my replies to her if she does it again. I am glad to hear other nurses stood up for you when she did that, at least everyone sees her poor behavior, that's something I wish would be more common behavior. Staying positive is the hardest part for sure, I also feel that "cry inside" feeling as a sensitive person, but you're right the only choice is to keep working hard and push forward positively or those type of people get the best of us! (Easier said than done sometimes haha). I will keep arriving early and doing my best and try to keep my focus on the patients.

@broughden

That is what I was worried about as well. As a new staff it can be a little scary to report, of course there's that fear of some sort of backlash. If it happens again and me addressing her more directly does not change her behavior, I will talk to whoever I need to. Especially if it keeps happening at the bedside report because then it's not just my feelings, it's the effect on patient care. Thanks for the advice!

PotatoRN said:
@RNinthebay

Thank you for the encouragement and for being open to give advice, I really appreciate it.

And thanks again for sharing, it was perfect timing as I browsed allnurses after a depressing shift.

I will definitely be more direct in my replies to her if she does it again. I am glad to hear other nurses stood up for you when she did that, at least everyone sees her poor behavior, that's something I wish would be more common behavior. Staying positive is the hardest part for sure, I also feel that "cry inside" feeling as a sensitive person, but you're right the only choice is to keep working hard and push forward positively or those type of people get the best of us! (Easier said than done sometimes haha). I will keep arriving early and doing my best and try to keep my focus on the patients.

@broughden

That is what I was worried about as well. As a new staff it can be a little scary to report, of course there's that fear of some sort of backlash. If it happens again and me addressing her more directly does not change her behavior, I will talk to whoever I need to. Especially if it keeps happening at the bedside report because then it's not just my feelings, it's the effect on patient care. Thanks for the advice!

Menopause (of the trainer)? Any of a million personal or family situations?Are you a threat to her?

I would just say to her, as nicely as I could, "When you yell at me or expect me to decide things I don't think I've been trained for yet, or dress me down in front of patients, families, and other staff, it makes me feel nervous, scared, stupid, and angry. I don't know what is making you so impatient, unreasonable, and rude, but it is going to stop now. I will not allow you to treat me and, by extension, families, patients, or other staff, this way any more. Be aware that I will be recording our encounters from now on. If you don't like training me or whatever your issue is, say so. Tell me and tell our boss so that maybe she can take the stress off of you and get me trained by someone who enjoys doing it or, at least, doesn't mind. So think it over and give me your decision about you wish to proceed from this point on in a few minutes".

Keep it just between the 2 of you at first. If she straightens up, fine. If not, go to the boss. No, you likely can't record legally because of where you are working, there are pts, etc. but I wouldn't assume that. Check with a couple of attorneys in your state. You probably could record when it's just the 2 of you in your office and no specific pt. stuff is mentioned. Good luck.

Another approach - leave out the recording stuff and just let her know all the rest about you will not allow her to treat you evilly (if that's a word), especially in front of other people. Does she even realize that she is yelling and criticizing instead of speaking calmly?

Empathize with the possibility that she is ill and/or having lots of trouble at home/personally, but let her know she must leave her troubles at home and treat you with courtesy and respect. If I can help you in any way, I will be happy to do that, but you must learn to show respect for me.

keep a record of what you've been taught and the date. That will give you some proof that she has not taught you _____ yet.

Like Broughden, I really am so tired of nurses who won't stand up for themselves. Or go to the offending individual first and try to work it out.

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