I have this ongoing and pervasive thought almost every morning.
Anyone else have to really, dig deep each and every day of work to fight an overwhelming urge to just drive right on by their place of employment, return home and get back into their warm bed for a few more hours of delicious sleep?
I am so tired after 29 years of active nursing, shXtty, sarcastic doctors and mid-level providers, weekends, nights, holidays... Add to that, a steady dose of toxic coworkers and ever-shifting policies and directives and Trader Joe's looks better every day. Oh but those golden handcuffs and few other options! Sorry for the rant everyone!
Crap it's way too late to call in, but if I missmy exit and keep going
I actually did this a few times, subconscious or maybe not enough coffee, IDK
On 1/18/2021 at 10:46 AM, Hoosier_RN said:
a dialysis staff nurse again. No loss of pay per hour. No more after hour phone calls about things I have no control over. While its not driving right on by and going home, it's a decrease in headaches. If I could retire though, I would...Walmart greeter is starting to look appealing
Congrats on the new position, I hope you will be much happier. Last hospital I worked at one of my coworkers did this same thing and never regretted it and was much happier.
On 1/18/2021 at 2:34 PM, Davey Do said:
had to pinpoint a time of illuminating revelation, it occurred after an incident were I was stabbed by a patient diagnosed with schizophrenia. Upon returning to work, I broke down crying at my desk. Everything seem like a ribbon of darkness over me.
I was sent to a therapist, then I found an art therapist which enhanced my life and turned things around
So sorry you had to go through that trauma but glad you crossed paths with someone who could help you. The violence that is allowed is upsetting to say the least.
Specializes in Sm Bus Mgmt, Operations, Planning, HR, Coaching.
On 1/18/2021 at 7:04 AM, Davey Do said:
Until I found my bliss.
In Joseph Campbell's book The Power of Myth, discussing Sacrifice and Bliss, he sites the last line of Sinclair Lewis' Babbitt, “I’ve never done a thing I wanted to in all my life.”
Joseph Campbell says in order to not feel as Babbitt did, we have to follow our bliss: "Namely, that if you do follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you’re living somehow. And well, you can see it. You begin to deal with people who are in the field of your bliss, and they open doors to you. I say, follow your bliss, and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be."
Find and follow your bliss, morelostthanfound.
The very best to you.
OMG great!! Love this!! Isn't life and your happiness 90% your perspective and attitude and 10% what is actually happening? or something like that? I read those words once, and even printed them and put them on my fridge.. changed the way I looked at things, for sure.
Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
On 1/18/2021 at 8:04 AM, Davey Do said:
"...You begin to deal with people who are in the field of your bliss, and they open doors to you. I say, follow your bliss, and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be."...
On 1/19/2021 at 10:24 AM, Julie said:
changed the way I looked at things, for sure.
An illuminating revelation, eh, Julie? Do you think this mean a change in your consciousness?
If so, then: Wow.
Once we experience and are attracted to a new perspective, then we can begin applying that perspective to all that we practise. Or, as the 12 step program states, something along the lines of, "We sought to practise these principles in all of our affairs".
Thank you for the positive reinforcement, Julie, and please, keep us apprised of the advancements in your journey!
I can relate to many of you. I too coped in both healthy and unhealthy ways. I also was always teased about all the low census I took back when it was available. I actually made the most money in my career the past two years because Wrongway Hosptal drove off so many nurses fomenting descension I could no longer get low census.
I had times during a bad shift where I would take a break and seriously think of just not coming back! I had a breakdown one night when we were 6 patients a piece and no PCA and dealing with a confused pt. I was in the room saying I couldn't take it anymore with my head in my hands because I couldn't keep the pt safe in bed and they were what's wrong, how can I help you. I knew I couldn't go on like that ready to crack at any time due to unsafe staffing.
I looked at my pay check and realized I lived on a lot less after taxes, retirement savings etc and decided to take the leap to early retirement. A small pension and the rule of 55 gave me the freedom to walk away.
Rule of 55 if you leave your job in the year you turn 55 or later you can access your 401k/403b without penalty as long as your company allows, but this doesn't apply to traditional IRAs or any 401k/403b from prior employers. But you can roll your prior 401k/403b to the current one and sometimes even roll your traditional IRA in too if the plan allows. But make sure the plan allows you to keep your money there after you leave and are able to take out periodic withdrawals as needed.
I had been saving in earnest for years (Roth & traditional) having the feeling I wouldn't make it to 62 even back then but I assumed it would be do to a layoff. By using a Roth you can keep your income low enough to qualify for subsidies on the affordable care insurance as Roth money isn't counted as income since you already paid taxes on it. I refied my home and took out a HELOC to have an extra cushion if necessary. I had also switched to high deductible health insurance and maxed my HSA for years, using Walmart's $4 generics to pay for meds. Now there are more options re RX drug costs including GoodRX and sometimes even your health insurance might offer free or low cost drugs for some health conditions. Costco has a flat fixed rate mark up on all meds. It was a hassle and took alot of juggling to keep med costs down but was worth it to save money in the HSA vs FSA where you had to guesstimate and use it or lose it every year.
A lot of other coworkers too young to retire just quit and took a variety of jobs. I was simply too burned out to even consider starting over with job interviews and will the new coworkers like me. I just wanted to be free.
Brandy, I find your posts to be so... real ...and I enjoy reading them.
Thank you for being you!
Thanks for the support and kind words. Allnurses has been a godsend to me thru the years since I first discovered it. I could commiserate with everyone here, find support and realize I wasn't alone in my struggles.
Now I want to share especially re personal finance so others have more options. That is why many of my posts talk about money. Too often the focus is on service and nurses as angels which is all well and good, but it doesn't pay the bills. It is a shame it isn't taught in high school and college, but thankfully there is so much free info out there on the internet and your local library if you know where to look.
I've seen so many fellow coworkers struggling financially and frankly trapped in a job they don't like even in their mid to late 60's because they didn't know how to manage money. It was especially sad seeing them struggle to keep going and dealing with poor health and aches and pains on top of it. There was one coworker who would come to work with a cane and many times coworkers would wheel her to her car with a WC at the end of a 12 hour shift because she felt she couldn't afford to retire. However when she finally listened to me and checked in with social security and her pension she realized she could afford to retire and quit ASAP.
I hope sharing my knowledge and experiences can save others from going thru this and instead have a better more fulfilling life!
Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
48 minutes ago, brandy1017 said:
Now I want to share especially re personal finance so others have more options.
I've seen so many fellow coworkers struggling financially and frankly trapped in a job they don't like even in their mid to late 60's because they didn't know how to manage money.
Stroke returned, brandy my friend!
It seems that we human beings are driven by insatiable appetites to gain happiness through external validation. Sort of a "If I have this, I will be happy" thing.
External validation is a monkey on the back which can only satiated temporarily for a short time before we need to again feed it.
Daniel Gilbert, in his book Stumbling On Happiness, says that, like our parents before us, we will never be able to satisfy our temporal progeny; like a 20/20 hindsight.
Joseph Campbell said that a state of deprivation can result in a higher conscious, but who wants to do that? It's too much like work, and we just want our "stuff".
"I don't care about losing all the money. It's losing all the stuff." -Marie, "The Jerk"
"I don't care about losing all the money. It's losing all the stuff." -Marie, "The Jerk"
So true, I love beautiful things. It's not about showing off, but the joy they bring me. I have an old Victorian story-book "doll house" and am an old fashioned lavish decorator. I'm not into the minimalist modern look. I have collected Christmas ornaments from a teen on and can tell you when and where I got them, as well as all the keepsakes and gifts from loved ones over the years. And of course, souvenirs from my travels as well. They all bring back so many good memories.
Thankfully I have everything I need and I rarely shop anymore. I have a roof over my head, a reliable car and don't want for anything. It is humbling when you think of the reality that millions are unemployed, standing in food lines and worried about eviction due to no fault of their own!
I can relate to many of you. I too coped in both healthy and unhealthy ways. I also was always teased about all the low census I took back when it was available. I actually made the most money in my career the past two years because Wrongway Hosptal drove off so many nurses fomenting descension I could no longer get low census.
I had times during a bad shift where I would take a break and seriously think of just not coming back! I had a breakdown one night when we were 6 patients a piece and no PCA and dealing with a confused pt. I was in the room saying I couldn't take it anymore with my head in my hands because I couldn't keep the pt safe in bed and they were what's wrong, how can I help you. I knew I couldn't go on like that ready to crack at any time due to unsafe staffing.
I looked at my pay check and realized I lived on a lot less after taxes, retirement savings etc and decided to take the leap to early retirement. A small pension and the rule of 55 gave me the freedom to walk away.
Rule of 55 if you leave your job in the year you turn 55 or later you can access your 401k/403b without penalty as long as your company allows, but this doesn't apply to traditional IRAs or any 401k/403b from prior employers. But you can roll your prior 401k/403b to the current one and sometimes even roll your traditional IRA in too if the plan allows. But make sure the plan allows you to keep your money there after you leave and are able to take out periodic withdrawals as needed.
I had been saving in earnest for years (Roth & traditional) having the feeling I wouldn't make it to 62 even back then but I assumed it would be do to a layoff. By using a Roth you can keep your income low enough to qualify for subsidies on the affordable care insurance as Roth money isn't counted as income since you already paid taxes on it. I refied my home and took out a HELOC to have an extra cushion if necessary. I had also switched to high deductible health insurance and maxed my HSA for years, using Walmart's $4 generics to pay for meds. Now there are more options re RX drug costs including GoodRX and sometimes even your health insurance might offer free or low cost drugs for some health conditions. Costco has a flat fixed rate mark up on all meds. It was a hassle and took alot of juggling to keep med costs down but was worth it to save money in the HSA vs FSA where you had to guesstimate and use it or lose it every year.
A lot of other coworkers too young to retire just quit and took a variety of jobs. I was simply too burned out to even consider starting over with job interviews and will the new coworkers like me. I just wanted to be free.
Brandy1017, your post especially resonated with me and I very much appreciate you sharing your story and insights. From a personal perspective, I will be 55 yo this year (29 years of active bedside nursing) and have known for a very long time that there was absolutely no way that I could stay the course until age full retirement age (65/67). If there was only one word to describe how I feel most workdays, it would be 'tired', as in existentially tired . My post was somewhat tongue in cheek but honestly as the years go by, I really would like to completely transition out of nursing and if circumstances were that I couldn't get off the nursing hamster wheel sooner than FRA, I surely see myself do something rash, liking the subject on my post . At this point, I am doubling down on my retirement, padding my savings, and reducing my debt to hopefully soon go to 12s/week and maybe a per diem side gig. Thanks again-morelostthanfound
I've been really struggling lately. Currently at work after getting report and wasting time on here before I start. I've been at this hospital my entire nursing career (about 6 years) and within the same specialty, though a couple years ago I got I guess what you would call a promotion, which staved off my burnout for just a little while longer. Now I'm at the point where if the opportunity presented itself, I wouldn't mind not being a nurse altogether. I just can't give up all I've worked for and am hoping to find a different job in a less stressful environment. I'm almost done with my BSN and just have not had the motivation to finish, definitely have no desire to continue for my MSN/DNP as many of my peers have chosen. That to me has been a red flag that nursing is probably not my passion. I've started to cry before/during/after work many shifts, and things that I used to let roll off my shoulder now trigger me into a lot of anxiety. I've realized that my ability to even care about my patients has reached its limit, and yes, when I pull up to the hospital I consider either driving by or quitting on the spot. Time to move on for me, I'd say. Thanks for letting me vent.
I've been really struggling lately. Currently at work after getting report and wasting time on here before I start. I've been at this hospital my entire nursing career (about 6 years) and within the same specialty, though a couple years ago I got I guess what you would call a promotion, which staved off my burnout for just a little while longer. Now I'm at the point where if the opportunity presented itself, I wouldn't mind not being a nurse altogether. I just can't give up all I've worked for and am hoping to find a different job in a less stressful environment. I'm almost done with my BSN and just have not had the motivation to finish, definitely have no desire to continue for my MSN/DNP as many of my peers have chosen. That to me has been a red flag that nursing is probably not my passion. I've started to cry before/during/after work many shifts, and things that I used to let roll off my shoulder now trigger me into a lot of anxiety. I've realized that my ability to even care about my patients has reached its limit, and yes, when I pull up to the hospital I consider either driving by or quitting on the spot. Time to move on for me, I'd say. Thanks for letting me vent.
This past year has been horrible because of Corona. And if you were short staffed or burned out before, Corona has made it infinitely worse! Consider speaking to your EAP for a free counseling session. I did myself this fall and they recommended I quit my job. Other things to de stress if I didn't mention earlier Youtube has hypnosis and relaxation videos to check out.
I don't know your specialty but I would consider looking for a clinic job. For instance, if you were a telemetry nurse you would be a good fit for a cardiology or electrophysiology clinic. But really you can apply to any job, just have to sell yourself. There are books and free videos on you tube on alternative nursing jobs and interviewing tips, resume tips etc.
But just be aware some clinic staff is being redeployed as helpers in the hospitals at this time. So check if that is the case with the major employers in your city.
Daisy4RN
2,238 Posts
I actually did this a few times, subconscious or maybe not enough coffee, IDK
Congrats on the new position, I hope you will be much happier. Last hospital I worked at one of my coworkers did this same thing and never regretted it and was much happier.
So sorry you had to go through that trauma but glad you crossed paths with someone who could help you. The violence that is allowed is upsetting to say the least.