Do pt families every drive you crazy?

[purple10]

ugh I have a pt that the one family member always has something to say about something. nothing is ever good enough. the pt has osteomyelitis and has been to wound care and was discharged, and was also on 6+ weeks of vanco IV. Well wound care discharged the pt after they where satisfied with the skin growth over the wound. Well this particular family member went to almost all the wound care appts and bugged the crap out of the wound care MD and his nurses about every little thing to the point he was writing stupid orders just to make them happy. Well the pt has an order for gauze to be woven between the toes and to have double socks to "protect the toe".

the day after the pt stopped the IV a blackened area developed on the toe near the wound the I notified the MD and the MD said that it was because of the osteomyelitis and gave no new orders but just to do the dressing from the wound care MD.

this family member comes in today and starts ranting and raving about how the wound was bleeding "everywhere" in reality it was a very light smudge most likely caused by all the extra pressure and friction of double socks and gauze. This family member then proceeds to tell me that they think its not being done like its suppose to be and without saying it that its my fault. I have jumped through hoops with this family member and its never enough, if you don't like me fine but geez its not my fault your parent has an infection that will NEVER go away. ugh this person makes me want to tear my hair out!

so to make her happy we are sending the pt back to wound care and making the dressing BID. I tried explaining what osteomyelitis is and what it does all I get is "I know I went to the wound care appts so I know everything that's going on", grrrr.... *bang head on desk*

There was no explaining anything to this person everything I tried to say she would question and would keep saying the same thing over and over and over. Another nurse had to step in and stop the conversation (thank god), the family member was even talking about going to my unit manager (who is new and knows next to nothing about the pts on the unit) but then would say that they not here to get anyone in trouble but cant understand why it takes for when they (she) to come in for something to be done.

I just want to look at this person sometimes and go well the POA seems to be happy with the way we are taking care of the pt, haven't heard any complaints from them and they are here more then you.

Ok that's my rant, deep breath, and Smile. :)

[weirdscience]

I try to enlist them to help me/provide information and compliment them on their care of their family member. But it does hurt my heart when a) I ask my pt a question and family interrupts/talks over them, or b) the pt looks at me with apologetic eyes while their family member is going to town about something.

[RNperdiem, RN]

To be fair, I do remember all the amazing families too. I see them all the time. I see how they pull together in times of crisis, how they support their ill or injured loved ones. They are polite and low-maintence and know just long how to visit.

[laydiebuug]

I love families....just the ignorant family members get on my nerves but I am very good about saying what I want...its all in the delivery :) and I am no nonsense and normally the families can see that so I don't normally get pushed too far but every now and then.......I have to go bang my head against a wall.

[Morainey, BSN, RN]

I had a patient for several days in a row who had a very needy family. The patient himself was great, but he had a couple of daughters and sons who were very anxious. Every time I walked into the room and needed to do something with my patient, I got pounced on - what's that for? Why is he getting that? Can we see a record of his medications/blood sugars/vital signs/doctor's notes? Does his IV look ok? There's some blood in it. Can he go to the bathroom? Can he go for a walk? Can we see the case manager again? Do you know if the doctor's coming back?

Not only did they ask me, they asked everyone who went in the room who then came and told me. It was irritating. The patient needed to rest and there were always at least 5 people in the room. I know they meant well, but having that patient's family together with my full assignment was exhausting.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

SERIOUSLY!!!! We all know the reason that the family members behave this way, but that is not an excuse to behave in a manner that is rude, aggressive and just downright mean. Most of them do it because THEY CAN!!! I get it, they have lost control over their loved ones illness and they want to have some kind of control and the only place to get it- is by bossing/bullying the healthcare team. It is inappropriate behavior no matter how you look at it. GRNTea- what your saying is putting the responsibility of how the relatives behave onto the nurse, families should be responsible for their own behavior- Nurses have enough to do!!!

As nurses we know that the people we care for, including their family members, are not apt to be at their best. We are, in fact, responsible for assessing and working with these people as they come to us. Of course it would be lovely if everyone said to themselves, "Oh, this nurse is doing her best, I won't be short with her because she is obviously trying her best under difficult circumstances." This is unlikely to occur because when people are in crisis they are not thinking about your feelings, nor should they have to, nor is it reasonable for you to expect it. It is not about you.

But you know what? It is, in fact, our professional responsibility to assess, diagnose, and treat human responses to injury and illness, including those responses given by family members and including what you might call bad behavior if it occurred in any other setting. This IS part of what professional registered nurses do. You can look it up in your Scope and Standards of Nursing Practice. You might find it helpful to expand your empathy setting a bit to do that, or read up a bit more on how to assess and work with difficult people to meet that standard.

It's a skill you'll need all your working life, and when you get good at it, you can teach it to the new grads coming along behind you with the same whine.

[workinmomRN2012, BSN]

You might find it helpful to expand your empathy setting a bit to do that, or read up a bit more on how to assess and work with difficult people to meet that standard.

It's a skill you'll need all your working life, and when you get good at it, you can teach it to the new grads coming along behind you with the same whine.

I always find this interesting, nurses who say that we should have more empathy towards families and patients that are abusive or aggressive, these are usually the same nurses who do not work and play well with others- as witnessed by the quoted post. I am an adult and I deserve respect from these crazy individuals. Some of them act this way because that is the same way that they behave in society. I will not let an 8th grade educated know-it-all tell me how to do my job or better yet, explain every detail ad nausium as to how I will care for their relative- that they are probably not even going to come to see again. I have 29 more patients to care for, I cannot take a half an hour each time I come into the room to deal with the "crazy relative" and more importantly, it takes time away from the patient.

[Morainey, BSN, RN]

I agree with previous post. We can try to understand and empathize all we want but at the end of the day I don't think it's right to let family members railroad members of the healthcare staff. I understand that they reason they're acting the way they're acting may be complicated and nuanced with all kinds of emotional layers that are beyond our control. I get that. It's important to be understanding. I don't think that's an all-access pass to completely monopolize the nurse's time.

[silverbat]

Plus, thinking of HIPAA.. you can't legally discuss certain things without the express permission (written is best) of the patient or POA. Its not about empathy, its about legallity. I have been on both sides of the sheets, and know its hard.

And no one should tolerate abuse just for empathy.