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Discussion

Do you post on social media?

Before monitoring, I posted on Facebook all the time. Pics of my kids, my vacations, the snake I found in my garage, everything! Once I got fired and entered monitoring, that stopped completely. At first, it was because I was ashamed, many/most of my Facebook friends were coworkers, and I just wanted to hide, keep totally out of sight so that hopefully they'd forget me and the rumors about me. I also avoided all "real life" situations where I might see someone who knew about my shameful history. The second reason I avoided Facebook was that I didn't want anyone to be able to pinpoint my location at a specific time. What if I posted a pic of something I'd seen or done during a time when I was supposed to be at an AA meeting? I do attend my required meetings, but if something comes up, I've skipped a few too. So I learned over time to keep my head down.

Now, I'm almost done with monitoring (34 days!!), and I still shy away from posting on Facebook. There's still a feeling of shame, I think. I don't want to be the topic of gossip, again. In addition to the monitoring, I got a divorce too, about a year and 1/2 ago. I haven't had any interest at all in dating, while my ex husband has been through multiple relationships and is now engaged (for the second time in 2 years). So again, I HATE the idea people might be gossiping about me: "wow, Recovering, she's still alone, isn't that sad? Her ex is getting married again and she's alone". I actually love being alone, btw. LOVE not being responsible for anyone but myself. However, I do know (from all the well meaning comments I get from friends and family) that me living alone, taking trips alone, not dating at all is viewed as kind of sad. I'M not sad! But I know other people view it that way.

So I avoid Facebook. I'm avoiding ex coworkers, I'm avoiding ex in laws (who I am pretty sure my ex has told all about my diverting and getting fired....it was "our secret" while I was married, but afterwards he felt no obligation to keep that secret). I'm avoiding friends who feel sorry for me because my ex is engaged and I'm not.

But am I really "avoiding" anything? Isn't it odd that we all have gotten used to posting our lives for all the world to see? Maybe NOT posting on Facebook is more normal anyway. Why do we feel the need to post what we do, where we go, what we eat/drink etc?

So I'd love to hear what other people do, as far as posting their lives on social media. Has it changed since you started monitoring? Will it change again when you get out?

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    First, congratulations on nearing the finish line!

    I have NEVER used social media and I never will. I am old school, I guess. I am in my early 50's and I have never seen the point. I cannot have the energy to argue with strangers, or even friends, about current affairs. I do not post my photo on any sites and my siblings and my friends know not to do it either.

    I easily keep in touch with the people who matter. I do not feel like I have missed out on anything!

    As for the "being alone". I divorced 16 years ago. Had a couple relationships (read, friends with benefits!) but I find too, that I enjoy being by myself. No, what do you want to do today, honey? for me!

    I take trips alone or with friends, go to the movies, out to eat. My family has stopped seeing me as sad. I enjoy being alone and living how I want to.

    Do not be afraid of those who may or may not gossip about you. I had to learn that, too!

    My favorite quote (that got me through the divorce and early recovery):

    "We would worry less about what other think of us if we realized how seldom they do." -- Ethel Barrett

    I live by that.

    You said "Why do we feel the need to post what we do, where we go, what we eat/drink etc? " and it reminded me of something I once heard a comedian say (I think). Remember when we kept diaries and got mad when people read them? Now, we get mad when people don't.

    I am glad you feel strong and confident! Keep it up.

    Good luck in these last days of monitoring land. I know you will be so happy once it's over!

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    I keep my social media stuff to a very minimum. I have a few closed, secret FB groups that I am a part of that are relevant to my interests. Other than that my personal page is kept only to family and a small circle of friends. Generally all that is posted is the occasional cat thing and a few nerdy type gif.

    Just as in real life, I have never needed to have bunches of friends, virtual or otherwise.

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    • Expert

    There is more to life than FB. Contact people you want to interact with the old-fashioned way. Your relationships will be just as meaningful.

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    • Expert

    Ummmmm. Isn't this site "social media"?

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    I posted on FB while I was in monitoring. I post more now because it's easier to take trips and I mostly post trip pics. Or pet pics. I've even rekindled a friendship with a coworker who was on the unit when I got busted for drinking. We hang out quite a bit and she knows I "don't drink."

    I'm not randomly open about my alcoholism but will certainly talk about it if asked. The only way I was able to overcome a lot of my shame was by owning up to my past and passing along my story as an educational experience on how to not **** up your life.

    Social media is a curated image of yourself. But if I can be an example of someone who can travel, camp, go to concerts etc while sober -- why not? And I follow certain IGers in particular to get ideas for vacations, cooking...eh.

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    In response to isn't this social media?

    Well, sort of. Except nobody knows my real identity!

    But, maybe that's what Facebook is, as well.

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    • Expert
    In response to isn't this social media?

    Well, sort of. Except nobody knows my real identity!

    But, maybe that's what Facebook is, as well.

    Well yes, but more than a few members have been outed so anonymity isn't guaranteed.

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    Wow me too... I used to post on FB but many of my FB fiends used to be old coworkers and they constituted many of my likes and comments if I were to post something. I do have a new job but I don't want anyone to know where so I changed my name on FB to just my first and middle name and do not have any info as far as where I work. Only one of my new coworkers found me on there. I hardly ever post anymore. Only if it is something with my kids usually.

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    Ummmmm. Isn't this site "social media"?

    Yes, though I think this harkens back to the 'bulletin boards' of ye olde days. Difficult to really identify who/where anyone is and no checking in to let the world know you are having dinner at Chili's.

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    Meh. I've always been extremely active on social media. But I shied away for a little while after I resigned my job, even though nobody knew why I did, my irrationally thinking addict mind thought that people could see my inner shame.

    But after I got out of treatment, I realized that if I stopped posting then people would think something was definitely wrong, because that's just not like me. So I'm just as active as I ever was, FB, IG, Twitter, etc. I'm still friends with all my former coworkers. We still 'like' and comment like before. In my opinion, tucking tail and hiding would show people I'm ashamed of something I once did instead of being happy with who I am now.

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