Do nurses really eat their young?

alik · Dec 8, 2004

Hi all! I'm a new grad on a MS floor (just off orientation). I always heard about the "nurses eat their young" thing in school and thought it was silly, but now I'm beginning to wonder....
First of all, I'm 29 and have worked in plenty of other environments, and never expereinced what I have at this hospital. My first day on the unit, not one person acknowledged me until the NM came in and forced them to deal with me (my preceptor had not shown up my first day...can you believe it?).
I'm tired of hearing nurses on this unit (even some of the newer ones) complain about the other new grads, and the nursing students who rotate on our floor. I can't imagine being so mean, and I KNOW they're talking about me! In fact, I've walked into the med room and it has been so obvious that they ARE talking about me (you can see the guilt).
Maybe I'm paranoid, but I feel like since I've been off orientation I've been given the "heaviest" patients on the floor. Inevitably, I'll be given the one patient with end stage renal disease and end stage AIDS dementia with a GT and Cdiff, along with two other full care patients and two really emotionally needy patients who keep me in their room all day while patient number one is vomiting up her tube feeds and pulling out her TLC.
So, all these nurses say to my face "let me know if you need help", but it's obvious that once I've exceeded what they consider to be a reasonable number of questions that they're irritated. Meanwhile, I'm running around like a madwoman and they're sitting at the nurses station gossiping about some other nurse who is off that day. Right now I'm only taking 5 patients because I don't feel like I'm ready for 6, but already they've been asking me "so when do you think you can take 6 patients?"
Is the way I'm feeling normal? I feel paranoid or something...How should I deal with this situation??????

just ignore them and keep your work. People talk alot.

alik · Dec 8, 2004

Hi,

I know, you are very nice person with every one. But people just talk, they have habit to talk behind. We can not change their behavior. Keep up your good work.

SusanJean · Dec 8, 2004

Keep in mind all the good you can do for your pts!!

meownsmile, BSN, RN · Dec 8, 2004

This behavior lands squarely in your nurse managers lap. She is the direction the unit follows. Med/surg is a fast paced environment and im sure even the newer nurses are getting brown around the edges from to much heat well on their way to burnout. But, if you need help, ask for it, if you have a question ask. We have even seasoned nurses float to med/surg and have a hard time handling their assignments.

If you get no response from others you work with,, speak openly to the nurse manager about your concerns.

Being a new nurse on a med/surg unit also means learning to delegate. It's something that takes time and practice. Keep up the good work and dont bother with the gossip,, thats all it is. Gotta get a tough skin.

Jayla · Dec 8, 2004

So, do you recommend I talk to my manager, or keep my mouth shut and just deal with it? I'm sure the managers are aware of how dysfunctional the unit is...the more pleasant nurses on the unit tell me that this is not the most supportive environment for a new grad. The managers have to be aware, right? Besides, what can they do?

Graziella · Dec 8, 2004

I agree with you. I am a new LPN and I only lasted 4 weeks on the job at a hideous nursing home here out east. They were critically understaffed and had the worst training, but you'd think with a nursing shortage in progress they'd at least be nice! Did the HR person even come up to me on my first day of work and welcome me? Did anyone welcome me? Did anyone check in with me to see how I was doing? Did any of my DON's or ADON's sit me down and listen to any of my concerns?

NO!

It was overwelming and crazy, I felt unsafe on the floor - and the nurses were just so mean at times (because it was crazy and overwhelming and they were overworked). On my last night there I was crazy enough to stay a little bit late. I agreed to stay until 5:30 - because daycare closed at 6:00. I was getting behind in the med pass (I was unfamiliar with the 5:00 med pass and was falling behind) when I asked for help from one of the nurses and when I explained my situation, she flat out said, "NO, I can't help you - I already did my 5:00 med pass - you need to do yours." And she sat there and did paperwork, while I called the daycare center to wait for me until I got there.

I got there at 6:45 and I was an emotional wreck. I am SO glad I left that place!

Hi all! I'm a new grad on a MS floor (just off orientation). I always heard about the "nurses eat their young" thing in school and thought it was silly, but now I'm beginning to wonder....
First of all, I'm 29 and have worked in plenty of other environments, and never expereinced what I have at this hospital. My first day on the unit, not one person acknowledged me until the NM came in and forced them to deal with me (my preceptor had not shown up my first day...can you believe it?).
I'm tired of hearing nurses on this unit (even some of the newer ones) complain about the other new grads, and the nursing students who rotate on our floor. I can't imagine being so mean, and I KNOW they're talking about me! In fact, I've walked into the med room and it has been so obvious that they ARE talking about me (you can see the guilt).
Maybe I'm paranoid, but I feel like since I've been off orientation I've been given the "heaviest" patients on the floor. Inevitably, I'll be given the one patient with end stage renal disease and end stage AIDS dementia with a GT and Cdiff, along with two other full care patients and two really emotionally needy patients who keep me in their room all day while patient number one is vomiting up her tube feeds and pulling out her TLC.
So, all these nurses say to my face "let me know if you need help", but it's obvious that once I've exceeded what they consider to be a reasonable number of questions that they're irritated. Meanwhile, I'm running around like a madwoman and they're sitting at the nurses station gossiping about some other nurse who is off that day. Right now I'm only taking 5 patients because I don't feel like I'm ready for 6, but already they've been asking me "so when do you think you can take 6 patients?"
Is the way I'm feeling normal? I feel paranoid or something...How should I deal with this situation??????

SmilingBluEyes · Dec 8, 2004

NO do not keep your mouth shut. Please, confront those who are bothering you most, directly and privately. Tell them in no uncertain terms you will not be mistreated in anyway. You respect their experience and knowledge but that never gives them license to abuse you. You also may need to get a couple good books on assertiveness or attend a seminar.

If failing the direct and honest approach and they still abuse you, you DO go to your manager and tell him/her what is going on and demand it be stopped. Tell the manager you have taken the issue up with the concerned parties already and nothing is changed, that way he/she knows you at least tried to solve the problem yourself. No one has to put up with a hostile work environment. Document what is said and what is done about it. You never have to take others' abuse of you. Put a stop to it NOW cause they will just keep getting worse.

Also learn about bullying and what you can do about it (bullies attack you verbally more often than physically, after all, and they are all over):

http://www.bullyonline.com

Best wishes and do hang in there. Welcome to nursing, (and allnurses.com!) don't be discouraged, please. We need you! :)

OC_An Khe · Dec 8, 2004

The post by Blue Eyes has good and sound advice. A far as eating our young I have heard and observed it for nearly 40 years. Unfortuneately it has become part of the Nursing Culture. And only the new Nurses can start to bring about this cultural change. It is also a factor with regards to the nursing shortage for too many of the young either leave the profession or sub consciously become part of the next generation to eat their young. Please to neither and be part of starting the change.

minneRN · Dec 8, 2004

Dear Jayla:

I recently started a thread asking why some nurses can be so mean sometimes, and I've been a nurse for 7 years! I just want you to know that you are a capable, competent and wonderful person and nurse. You keep your head up high and keep trucking! When people say that nurses eat their young, I want to puke, because this is just an excuse for some people being mean, judgemental, and just behaving poorly. Nursing is a career in which learning is life long, heck, medicine is!!!!!! Any nurse that comes off as knowing everything, is in my humble opinon, someone you don't want to associate very closely with because medicine changes, the way we treat patients changes and you have to learn to go with the flow. Do you know what I mean? So, you learn at your pace. It sounds as if you are doing just fine; like some wise people told me, keep a smile on your face, be confident and assertive, and speak your mind. You have 5 patients right now, that are heavy it sounds like, and you are doing just fine. When they ask you, when can you take 6 patients, smile and say, the patients that I have are very heavy and I cannot safely take another patient at this time, but hopefully in a few weeks, once I get more familiar, I will be able too. And just leave at that! Have faith my friend, it will get better!!!!:) :) :)

Hi all! I'm a new grad on a MS floor (just off orientation). I always heard about the "nurses eat their young" thing in school and thought it was silly, but now I'm beginning to wonder....
First of all, I'm 29 and have worked in plenty of other environments, and never expereinced what I have at this hospital. My first day on the unit, not one person acknowledged me until the NM came in and forced them to deal with me (my preceptor had not shown up my first day...can you believe it?).
I'm tired of hearing nurses on this unit (even some of the newer ones) complain about the other new grads, and the nursing students who rotate on our floor. I can't imagine being so mean, and I KNOW they're talking about me! In fact, I've walked into the med room and it has been so obvious that they ARE talking about me (you can see the guilt).
Maybe I'm paranoid, but I feel like since I've been off orientation I've been given the "heaviest" patients on the floor. Inevitably, I'll be given the one patient with end stage renal disease and end stage AIDS dementia with a GT and Cdiff, along with two other full care patients and two really emotionally needy patients who keep me in their room all day while patient number one is vomiting up her tube feeds and pulling out her TLC.
So, all these nurses say to my face "let me know if you need help", but it's obvious that once I've exceeded what they consider to be a reasonable number of questions that they're irritated. Meanwhile, I'm running around like a madwoman and they're sitting at the nurses station gossiping about some other nurse who is off that day. Right now I'm only taking 5 patients because I don't feel like I'm ready for 6, but already they've been asking me "so when do you think you can take 6 patients?"
Is the way I'm feeling normal? I feel paranoid or something...How should I deal with this situation??????

VickyRN, MSN, DNP, RN · Dec 8, 2004

Some units, floors, and even whole facilities :eek: are toxic. My advice to you is to pick your battles. Do you like your job there enough to fight for it and endure such behavior? Sometimes standing up to bullies can be dangerous professionally. Many managers are burnt out and just want warm bodies to staff their units--they care little about interpersonal relationships and don't want anyone rocking the boat or making waves. So, think carefully about what your actions may mean and the possible repercussions. Yes, choose your battles carefully. Thankfully, nursing jobs are now plentiful (at least in most parts of the country). It might be best to give a decent notice and to leave quietly.

And yes, as a nursing instructor, I try to instill a different culture in my ADN students. I emphasize teamwork, especially in the clinical arena, and give extra competency points to students who display concern for their fellow students and have a good teamwork attitude. I discourage competition, gossip, and backbiting. I always try to display respect and empathy for my students. We have had mostly good experiences on the clinical floors and units with the staff nurses. However, one facility will stand out forever in my mind (it has become the metaphor for everything unethical and unprofessional in nursing at our school, among our faculty and students). At this notorious facility, we had floor nurses lie about our students, yell and curse our students, try to destroy the clinical instructors professionally, and one nurse even slapped one of our students!!!! :uhoh21: But, I am digressing here...

Just want to say that we need you in nursing, Jayla. And it is all about the patients. Take care and come here often to vent or to seek advice. Please keep us informed as to how you are doing.

kukitty · Dec 8, 2004

I agree Minne! I'm not a nurse yet, but my mom is. I asked her about this phenomenon, and she furrowed her brow and said, well, there are nasty nurses out there. When she was new, she had a wonderful nurse that she worked nights with in a small hospital. She has moved on from that job about 10 years or more ago, but they still remain friends. She often gets teary-eyed when she talks about how much that wonderful nurse taught her. Consequently, she does the same with the new nurses she works with. She is patient with them, and teaches them when there's time. Not all nurses eat their young, only the mean ones, who would probably do so in any job that allowed them to get away with it.