Do I give up? Regret the day I chose nursing as second career

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I decided to finally get a degree at 49 after being laid off from my office job. I chose nursing because the school counselors told me that every nurse had several job offers waiting at graduation and it was "recession proof." After 3.5 years of prereqs and nursing, a very difficult time while I struggled through nursing school, raising a family and working part time, I graduated and was prouder than I'd ever been in my life.

But in the year since, my life has fallen apart. I got a job working at a hospital in a geropsych ward and was fired after four months for spending "too much time with the patients" and for lack of "time management skills." I've been unable to get another job except one working at a LTC 11p-7a shifts 5 days a week despite applying to every hospital opening. I'm getting great reviews but the work is frightening, stressful and depressing with dementia residents screaming out all night. The patients are either angry, combative or sobbing at night. All I can think of is how this awaits us all: having your briefs changed, feeling forgotten and useless and unable to do the things you once loved. The only good part of the job is being able to comfort some of them. But most are too frightened/angry/gone to be comforted and just try to hit me when I help them. The screams at night keep me awake when I get home and try to sleep.

I'm now firmly convinced nursing is a young person's job. When you start out, you are working ridiculous hours, long shifts, and many sleepless nights. By the time you get to my age, you hopefully have moved into a day job with more regular hours or at least adjusted to it. But even my young friends from school who managed to get bedside jobs are all expressing the same complaints....exhaustion, disillusionment and depression.

So I think I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life deciding to become a nurse at my age. I'm so jealous of my friends who have 9-5 jobs and sleep nights and are not starting over at the bottom of the career ladder in middle age. They have a life outside of work. I am downing Ambien and caffiene to try and sleep/stay awake against my aging body's clock. I feel that if I don't get out soon, I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. I have a constant pit in my stomach.

The only suggestion my friends have who are nurses and now working 9-5 office jobs in management is that eventually the market will improve, to keep plugging away to get a job in a hospital and "pay my dues" and maybe in 5 years, I'll be lucky to find an office job at an insurance company. Meanwhile, I keep getting turned down for jobs because I don't have a BSN or a year acute care experience. I don't think my age is helping. People tell me the market is "soft" and will change in about 5 years. When I'm pushing 60.

So now my marriage is buckling under the stress, I never see my kids and my health is deteriorating. I look and feel like I've aged 10 years in just one. If I could possibly afford it in any way, I would quit. I want to cut my losses and find anything, ANY 9-5 job so I could sleep, see my family and not have to hear nightmarish screams every night. But I have been unable to get anything else and, even if I were lucky enough to land a hospital job, I'm no longer convinced I can do 12 hour shifts at night. So the question is do I cut my losses? Do I have any options?

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Specializes in LTC,Hospice/palliative care,acute care.

As you get older you have to remind yourself you are only seeing a small percentage of the elderly population in LTC....Most continue to live in their own homes and lead productive or at least comfortable lives til they die....

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Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.

You are not the first one to feel this way and although I take flack for suggesting there is a shelf life on us entering the field and continuing to do bedside nursing I believe it is true. There are things that are not as practical as we age and yes that means sometimes we can't or shouldn't "go for it! because you can do anything you want to do".

The points you make are all valid but it sounds like you also have a bunch of other things going on in addition to nursing not being what you anticipated. The good news is that you are a RN, I'm guessing you are making a decent living now and your degree should make you fairly marketable going forward. The bad news is that for now you are stuck working in a specialty that is tweaking your consciousness of your own demise, which as someone your age I totally understand :(, as well as wreaking havoc on your body from the schedule and tasks. It is going to take time to find your way as a nurse and make the important contacts that can assist you with finding other opportunities. Perhaps working in a doctor's office? Those nurses don't make the huge money but the ones I know love their job.

I'm big on cutting my losses but I think in this case if you are able to stick it out a bit longer and get your sea legs things won't be so overwhelming. I'n the meantime I'd consider seeing a therapist to sort through some of the above and possibly a mental health provider to asses if you have clinical depression. A skilled therapist can assist you in breaking down all the different components, identify the positives and assess your marriage. It might make things more bearable to feel as if you have regained some power over your life.

I'm sorry it is lousy right now and wish you better things in the future.

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Specializes in tele, ICU, CVICU.

It's very common for any new graduate to be told they lack appropriate time management skills. Also, you mentioned having difficulty sleeping due to hearing the screams etc. I have never experienced that concern, but not to sound insensitive, you will adapt and be able to 'block it out' I would think. If not, is there underlying anxiety (other than the concerns you've mentioned, have you ever experienced anxiety before, while working in your other job?

And, the fact that you spend too much time with your patients & find satisfaction in being able to provide some degree of comfort shows you have compassion and caring. That is so vital to being a good nurse & not just "punching the clock". That said, when your

counselors mentioned nursing as a second career, did you only go along with it, because it sounded good? Or is it something you really wanted felt moved to do?

I know lots of night shift nurses that need sleep aides & caffeine. Unfortunate, but it's just not natural.

Also, as ktwlpn stated, the patients you are seeing represent such a small percentage of their age group. It is not a guarantee that all or even most will experience being a patient in such a ward. I know plenty of 80 and 90 year olds, that are more mentally stable than others in their age bracket.

I haven't helped at all, just a few things to think about, I suppose.

I agree with PP, about trying to stick it out, if you can. Things usually do get better for newer nurses, as they adapt and gain their 'sea legs'.

One more, with you mentioning marriage and family issues, related to never seeing your children, were there issues prior to nursing school? It sounds like you're saying everything bad is only happening because of your career change, which isn't usually the case. (not to be mean)

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I suggest a substantial vacation in conjunction with obtaining a job in extended care home health where you can have as many shifts a week as you care to work, with a stable patient and only one nursing note per shift. Yes, many say they are bored doing this, but it is a nursing job with a paycheck. You may like it. Many older nurses go into this type of nursing for a break from more physical demands at other nursing jobs. While you are decompressing at such a job, you can look at your options, with a lot less stress eating away at you while you decide what you want to do.

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Have you tried applying for school nursing, PDN, or outpt MD office? There plenty of less physically demanding and daytime jobs out there. I would drop out if nursing yet. Try something other than acute or LTC.

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I'm in my 40s and nursing was my second career. I have a few more years under my belt than you, but not many. I agree with the home health statement. Daytime hours for the most part. Different agencies have an on call requirement. Very rewarding. You have time with your patients and can focus on all of their needs. The hardest thing for many nurses is keeping up with the paperwork.

Good Luck!!

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Here's my advice..

(I'm 50 by the way and I couldn't pull nights let alone any shift in LTC and I'm a workaholic. If I can't physically provide high quality care I'm not doing it and as far as I can tell you are given more than is possible to accomplish that).

You have enough experience to talk your way into a home health job. I'm thinking you need more time and energy than money right now so I would go for a pay per visit job where the productivity expectations are lightened.

In home health (of the intermittent visit type) you will build a multitude of skills while still getting one on one time with the patients. You will still need to manage your time if you want the time/compensation to be commensurate but that will be more on you and you can build your speed and efficiency.

We have nurses in their 60's and 70's working part time and they thrive in it. They love the work, it's not physically demanding, it's very rewarding and at PPV they don't have productivity breathing down their necks.

Depending on who you work for you may have to work some weekends and take call but with experience behind you there are positions out there that are more mon-fri 8-5. Or flex schedule.

It takes a year to learn the job and there is driving and a lot of charting (which you can do at home, the coffee shop, where ever. You might have a tendency to bring too much home but if you're willing to not try to fix every problem at one sitting and refer out to appropriate disciplines ie gotta let the social worker do the social work) you could be successful, get your life back and make a living.

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Specializes in CMSRN.
Here's my advice..

(I'm 50 by the way and I couldn't pull nights let alone any shift in LTC and I'm a workaholic. If I can't physically provide high quality care I'm not doing it and as far as I can tell you are given more than is possible to accomplish that).

You have enough experience to talk your way into a home health job. I'm thinking you need more time and energy than money right now so I would go for a pay per visit job where the productivity expectations are lightened.

In home health (of the intermittent visit type) you will build a multitude of skills while still getting one on one time with the patients. You will still need to manage your time if you want the time/compensation to be commensurate but that will be more on you and you can build your speed and efficiency.

We have nurses in their 60's and 70's working part time and they thrive in it. They love the work, it's not physically demanding, it's very rewarding and at PPV they don't have productivity breathing down their necks.

Depending on who you work for you may have to work some weekends and take call but with experience behind you there are positions out there that are more mon-fri 8-5. Or flex schedule.

It takes a year to learn the job and there is driving and a lot of charting (which you can do at home, the coffee shop, where ever. You might have a tendency to bring too much home but if you're willing to not try to fix every problem at one sitting and refer out to appropriate disciplines is gotta let the social worker do the social work) you could be successful, get your life back and make a living.

I completely agree with this!! I work HHC PRN and I think it would be much more in line with what you are looking for. I know my agency is M-F 8:00-5:00 and one week a month of "on call". No night shifts and much less time on your feet.

Good luck!

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Specializes in Hospice.

I'll be 59 this year, and left the hospital 10 years ago, the same age you are now, but with 26 years of floor nursing under my belt. Did Home Health for a few years, then found my niche in Hospice.

I can't imagine starting out as a new grad at almost 50. One thing you said was true; floor nursing belongs to the young. And, if you scan the threads, even THEY can't stomach it for very long.

Is it possible for you to drop down to part time or PRN? I loathe 12 hour shifts, too, but they seem to be the only way it's done in hospitals anymore.

Home Health sounds wonderful, but some agencies will squeeze every drop of blood they can get out of you. One thing I've noticed, most of them have dedicated after hours staff now so there's less on call than there used to be. You're also pretty much on your own out in the field; you need great assessment skills, you may have to draw labs, and there can be a lot of driving-I used to be exhausted by the end of my day. And the paper/computer work usually gets done at home, on your own time.

Unfortunately, Nursing can be a lot more physically and mentally exhausting than anyone will tell you. There are Doctor's offices, clinics, insurance companies, etc. that have a much lower stress level and require less physical exertion than working the floor.

You can find a place for yourself in Nursing, but in today's market sometimes you need to think outside the box.

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Specializes in geriatrics.

Floor nursing is brutal. So true that even the young can't tolerate it anymore! I am also a second career nurse, currently managing a unit.

Home health, occupational health, and clinics are a few areas you may find less stressful. Good luck!

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