It's like family members automatically assume nursing homes are out to harm their family members. Do they understand the hardwork and dedication it takes to caring for their loved ones?? I think they think it's easy. There are those family members that are thankful. But the ones that are negative and ANNOYING take the cake.
If your 80 something year old mother falls out of the bed, how is that the facility fault??
If your 96 year old mother dies, how is that the facility fault?
If your 80 something year old wife is treated like everyone else, how is the nurse racist?
And if the family members are healthcare workers even worse
Thats because they know when something is wrong.
I am sure you are a very good nurse. But my experience in nursing school for my geriatric rotation in the nursing home was less than pleasant, and it was not just the facility that made me sick but the nurses too (I questioned a nurse why the patient was getting Lasix at night, her response "she is going to pee anyway, better for her to pee at night then for us to have to change her all day long"). I am an RN and my parents will NOT be going to a nursing home, at least not in my area.
And if the family members are healthcare workers even worse
Well that would be me!
And yes, sometimes I know how annoying they think I am...they don't hide it well! But the reality is my first concern is my grandmothers wellbeing and comfort and I will advocate for that no matter how annoying they find it to be.
About half the staff are great, they obviously care about my grandmother, treat her with dignity and respect and provide her with good care. Those staff I get along great with and they actually like me there because it saves them work!
But the staff who are indifferent or actually lazy, disrespectful and treat her poorly...I truly don't care how annoyed they are with me and if my annoying presence is the only thing that gets them to provide her with decent care then so be it.
I SO AGREE. Annnnd you may disagree with this, but I feel sorry for the residents that are constricted to a wheelchair because they had a fall. I think they should be able to walk with a walker, AS LONG as they are in eye view.
No, not at all. There is a WONDERFUL device I just discovered called a "Merry Walker" that has bars all around the sides (and can be opened by the resident) with a SEAT built right in BEHIND HIM so he doesn't have to remember how to turn/loosen his grip/etc. It works marvelously.
One month and two days ago my father died in an LTC after a very short stay. I told the charge more than once that I was an RN because I was trying to elicit SOMETHING from her about my father's condition. The woman was as cold as ice and the day he died was the first time we got a call from him that there were issues.
Ignorance of just what caring for older people involves
Ignorance of how bad the staff/resident ratios are
I think it's just an effect of the value society places on it's aged, especially those that cannot look after themselves. We put them in a facility where the majority of relatives barely visit, and if they do it's for about five minutes. Can't expect people to engage and know how things work if they wont look past the stigma that a lot of people see in aged care. I personally don't, I quite like working in it, but most people I know have a hard time dealing with it.
Although I don't work in LTC, I really feel for you guys. I work at a hospital and the families/patients are just as bad. Luckly, my demanding pt/famlies do not usually stay for too long.....We d/c these unreasonable people and they end up at your facility. (so sorry)
Today I had a 65 year old lady, admitted for CHF exas, demanding to be discharged. The doc told her last night that she would most likely go home "in the morning." So at 8am she is out at the nursing station demanding to leave.
I told her that the doc would have to come see her first and determine if she is truly ready for d/c. I told her I would call him by 1000 if he didn't show up to see her by then. So at 1001 she's out at the nursing station again, family members in tow, to demand discharge NOW.
I text paged the poor doc, told him this pt is super anx for d/c, family is here to drive her, etc. He calls back, says he is in ICU dealing with a really sick person, and that he would get to her as soon as he could.
I explained to the pt/family that the docs here usually go see the really sick people in ICU and CCU before they come discharge "stable" people home. I told them that there are people DYING up there and that the docs will assess those poor individuals first, and then come see the pt's ready to go home.
The pt told me "That is ridiculous! I am going to write a letter of complaint to the CEO of the hospital. The doctor said I could go home in the morning and he is not here to discharge me. What is wrong with you people!?" Family agreed, all yelling at me, telling me "we have things to do today, we were told she would go "in the morning."
So these people are going to complain that the doc would assess DYING PATIENTS before discharging this woman. I honestly could not believe how selfish this pt and family were. It makes me physically sick at times......
Just know I feel for you all.....working in LTC, taking all this BS with a smile day in, day out...Keep your heads up nurses.....LPN's, you included. Don't let pt's or families take away from your skill and experience. RN's at my hospital appreciate you more than you would ever know.
One thing that gets me is that most of me residents should be on comfort care, not being treated for their HBP/ CVA/ dementia/ with restorative PT. We eke out another 20 minutes of life for them - feh. Get rid of the meds, hire more people, and treat them as they want to be treated. Let them sleep late, let them salt their pureed diet.
I agree wholeheartedly. My grandmother is in severe chronic pain due to numerous issues, none of which are severe enough to end her life. She is on a dozen meds and has asked me many times if she can just stop taking them as she is truly 'done living'. I never know what to say. She is in her 90's, had a great life and is now lying in total misery in a bed in a small room in a facility. She has lost her mobility, her independence, her home, her belongings, her husband...she has a strong faith and she is ready to cash in!
I had to fight to get her her salt shaker...she super salts her food and so they took it away...if she wants salt - give her salt! And the PT started coming in..it was agony for her as the sessions were very painful..the PT kind of said no pain no gain...ridiculous...they stopped that too! I know they are trying to be 'helpful' but still, common sense. Thankfully they haven't taken away her walker even though she falls...and somehow never manages to break anything! They'd have a battle on their hands taking that walker!
The pt told me "That is ridiculous! I am going to write a letter of complaint to the CEO of the hospital. The doctor said I could go home in the morning and he is not here to discharge me. What is wrong with you people!?" Family agreed, all yelling at me, telling me "we have things to do today, we were told she would go "in the morning.".
What I've said to those kind of pt is: "Okay, let's pretend for a second it's your mom in the ER, having a heart attack or a stroke. Would you want the doc to leave your mom to come discharge someone when it takes him 30 minutes to do a discharge?" If they've got a soul, they have a reality check. If they keep screaming, I give them an AMA form and tell them "You have two choices: wait, or AMA. Pick one." And then I call the charge nurse and admin rep so they know we've got an idiot on the floor.
She is on a dozen meds and has asked me many times if she can just stop taking them as she is truly 'done living'. I never know what to say. She is in her 90's, had a great life and is now lying in total misery in a bed in a small room in a facility. She has lost her mobility, her independence, her home, her belongings, her husband...she has a strong faith and she is ready to cash in!
Get the family on board and tell her yes. Get the doctor to write that she is terminal and get hospice in to manage her pain and the facility.
Specializes in M/S, MICU, CVICU, SICU, ER, Trauma, NICU.
Although I don't work in LTC, I really feel for you guys. I work at a hospital and the families/patients are just as bad. Luckly, my demanding pt/famlies do not usually stay for too long.....We d/c these unreasonable people and they end up at your facility. (so sorry)
Today I had a 65 year old lady, admitted for CHF exas, demanding to be discharged. The doc told her last night that she would most likely go home "in the morning." So at 8am she is out at the nursing station demanding to leave.
I told her that the doc would have to come see her first and determine if she is truly ready for d/c. I told her I would call him by 1000 if he didn't show up to see her by then. So at 1001 she's out at the nursing station again, family members in tow, to demand discharge NOW.
I text paged the poor doc, told him this pt is super anx for d/c, family is here to drive her, etc. He calls back, says he is in ICU dealing with a really sick person, and that he would get to her as soon as he could.
I explained to the pt/family that the docs here usually go see the really sick people in ICU and CCU before they come discharge "stable" people home. I told them that there are people DYING up there and that the docs will assess those poor individuals first, and then come see the pt's ready to go home.
The pt told me "That is ridiculous! I am going to write a letter of complaint to the CEO of the hospital. The doctor said I could go home in the morning and he is not here to discharge me. What is wrong with you people!?" Family agreed, all yelling at me, telling me "we have things to do today, we were told she would go "in the morning."
So these people are going to complain that the doc would assess DYING PATIENTS before discharging this woman. I honestly could not believe how selfish this pt and family were. It makes me physically sick at times......
Just know I feel for you all.....working in LTC, taking all this BS with a smile day in, day out...Keep your heads up nurses.....LPN's, you included. Don't let pt's or families take away from your skill and experience. RN's at my hospital appreciate you more than you would ever know.
Whenever I have patients like that, I do not bother mentioning what the doctor is doing or how long it will take. I usually respond with something informative, "the doctor told me he will see you as soon as he can." and leave it at that. I don't explain what he's doing or why. Self-centered people DO NOT CARE and it is always about them.
So, when the family or patient gives me a hard time, I just go into a repetitive mantra.
Me: "The doctor said he will be here as soon as he can..he didn't say what time. I know..it's annoying.
Patient: "What???blah blah blah blah blah blah sue you blah blah blah call the nurse manager...blah blah blah blah...!!!!!
Me: "The doctor said he will be here as son as he can.he didn't say what time..I know..it's annoying..."
Patient: "I already heard that!!!!!! I want him here NOW!!!"
Me: "The doctor said he will be here as soon as he can...he didn't say what time. I know..it's annoying."
Patient (is now upset because I AM NOT UPSET) "I want to see the Manager NOW!"
Me: "No problem, Ma'am. I will go and get her."
Nurse Manager: "Ma'am can I help you?"
Patient: "I want my doctor now and your nurse here keeps telling me he's going to show up when he wants to. I'm annoyed that I have to wait!!! I want something done."
Me, looking at my Nurse Manager, shrugging: "Yes, the doctor will be here as soon as he can..
Patient says: "IS THAT ALL YOU CAN SAY?????"
Me, looking at patient:"I spoke with the doctor and he said he would be here as soon as he can."
Nurse manager repeats mantra (she is the bomb, our NM): "Ma'am the nurse said the doctor will--"
Patient: "I HEARD HER."
As she huffs and puffs back to her room..........
I don't let the situation annoy me, or allow them to escalate. They can't do anything, and neither can I.
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
Honestly, I have been both, and never heard that from anyone except one DON who didn't last very long.
One thing that gets me is that most of me residents should be on comfort care, not being treated for their HBP/ CVA/ dementia/ with restorative PT. We eke out another 20 minutes of life for them - feh. Get rid of the meds, hire more people, and treat them as they want to be treated. Let them sleep late, let them salt their pureed diet.
AMEN to that!!
There is a family at my ICF right now that's pushing their mother to go on dialysis. She is age 86, diabetic, blind, in heart failure, and she's been utterly miserable since her spouse died a year ago. She's also alert and oriented; if she's told me once, she's told me a hundred times that the only thing that would make her truly happy would be to join him in Heaven. She's lived her life, she says, and she's not afraid to die---the only thing she fears is going on like this.
So why in the name of all that is reasonable do these folks want to put her through this kind of agony and prolong a life that to her is no longer meaningful? I'm fairly close to them, and I've delicately attempted to negotiate this minefield by explaining what dialysis really entails and suggesting that perhaps they may want to get a second opinion, preferably from a nephrologist who doesn't have a financial interest in the local dialysis facility. But they seem determined to keep Mamma alive as long as possible, and she's not strong enough to put up much of a fight, especially with all of them standing together. It's a shame.........I love this woman heartily and it'll kill my soul when she does pass on, but if she were my mother, I'd want her to be comfortable and let nature take its course.
:redbeathe:heartbeat;)
HeartsOpenWide, RN
1 Article; 2,889 Posts
Thats because they know when something is wrong.
I am sure you are a very good nurse. But my experience in nursing school for my geriatric rotation in the nursing home was less than pleasant, and it was not just the facility that made me sick but the nurses too (I questioned a nurse why the patient was getting Lasix at night, her response "she is going to pee anyway, better for her to pee at night then for us to have to change her all day long"). I am an RN and my parents will NOT be going to a nursing home, at least not in my area.