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Dilemma- my job or my boyfriend?

Nurse Beth   (619 Views | 11 Replies)
by Nurse Beth Nurse Beth, MSN (Columnist) Educator Writer Innovator Expert Nurse

Nurse Beth has 30 years experience as a MSN and specializes in Med Surg, Tele, ICU, Ortho.

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Dear Nurse Beth,

I'm seeking some career advice. I recently (January 2020) transferred from working on the medical unit for 2 years to now currently in our ICU. I transferred because the medical unit was becoming unsafe and unpleasant to work on, changes to staffing, felt like there was a lack of help because everyone was so busy, getting anxiety about going into work and was getting floated in the last 6 months all the time anyways. I loved the team in the ICU so I chose to apply and received a job offer in November.

Now my fiancee has just told me that it is likely he will be accepting a full time fire fighter position in a city 2.5 hours away (super proud, he has been trying to get into fire fighting for 6 years). My dilemma is if he does accept and have to move, I have to go with him but I have just finished my first month in this new position. How long is professionally acceptable to stay in my current job before trying to find a new job in the new city?

My plan was to move to where my fiance would be, but commute and stay with my parents while I work at my current job as I transition into finding a new job closer to our new city. Or would it be okay to just resign?

Dear Dilemma,

Congrats to your boyfriend!

You've only been in ICU a month, and staying a year minimum in a new job is typically considered a short, but acceptable amount of time.

But life happens.

In your case, there is not much difference between resigning 2 months into your job or 4 months into your job. I would first land a job in the new city, and then give 2 weeks notice.

Be prepared that when you give notice, your manager may say that you can leave immediately- not likely if you are short-staffed, but possible if she's disgruntled. 

Good luck in your new venture! With 2 years MedSurg experience, you are a valuable asset. Prepare some questions for your interviews to help you land in a healthy practice environment. You can ask about turnover, policy on floating (what training is provided), and so on. 

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Nurse SMS has 9 years experience as a MSN, RN and specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

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2.5 hours means you have to resign and move? This isn't that big of a deal. Just drive to be together on your days off.

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5 Followers; 37,447 Posts; 100,553 Profile Views

16 minutes ago, Nurse SMS said:

2.5 hours means you have to resign and move? This isn't that big of a deal. Just drive to be together on your days off.

You can’t find a place to rent that is somewhere in the middle? People commute by car longer than 2.5 hours and make it work.

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meanmaryjean has 40 years experience as a DNP, RN and specializes in NICU, ICU, PICU, Academia.

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And most firefighters are 24 on /48 off. 

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CKPM2RN has 3 years experience as a ASN, EMT-P and specializes in Emergency/Med-Tele.

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Before you do anything permanent make sure he makes it through training and probation. A lot of our recruits live locally for the duration by rooming with other firefighters. Not everyone makes it through recruit and probation. I'm not just talking about failing out either, there are injuries, etc. I recommend that he talk to some newer firefighters at his department, find out what the training was like and find someone he can rent a room from before you leave your job and you both move to the new city. 

When he's part way through training a better decision can be made. 

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3 hours ago, CKPM2RN said:

Before you do anything permanent make sure he makes it through training and probation. A lot of our recruits live locally for the duration by rooming with other firefighters. Not everyone makes it through recruit and probation. I'm not just talking about failing out either, there are injuries, etc. I recommend that he talk to some newer firefighters at his department, find out what the training was like and find someone he can rent a room from before you leave your job and you both move to the new city. 

When he's part way through training a better decision can be made. 

I was also thinking this.  Firefighting is not your usual adaptable occupation.  A relative quit, literally, quit, while he was still in training, when he found out that he just plain did not want to engage in that level of physical work.  This quoted post is excellent advice.

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amoLucia specializes in LTC.

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To PPs cali & CKPM - I join your club re a premature resignation and relocation for OP and her fiancé. Tough for her to make that type of decision when his future is still up in the air with so many 'maybe' flags there.

I do like that idea re relocating halfway between the 2 locations.

 

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Nurse Beth has 30 years experience as a MSN and specializes in Med Surg, Tele, ICU, Ortho.

18 Followers; 104 Articles; 2,095 Posts; 235,995 Profile Views

17 hours ago, caliotter3 said:

I was also thinking this.  Firefighting is not your usual adaptable occupation.  A relative quit, literally, quit, while he was still in training, when he found out that he just plain did not want to engage in that level of physical work.  This quoted post is excellent advice.

Good insight and maybe a good save! thanks 🙂

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Nurselexii specializes in Non judgmental advisor.

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Hi , I think nursing jobs are a dime a dozen, especially if your working in a hospital, a life partner is way harder to find, I see people are suggesting you guys just live 2.5 hours apart, no way! You may (based on co workers experience) despise the ICU and realize its not worth it over your fiancée, 

background on me, I'm all about family first, you only live once I am a late 80’s baby so I may not share the mindset of some generation x or baby boomers with the job thing, 

 

go to the end of the earth with your man and get the jobs that come so easy to licensed nurses with a pulse later 🙂 xo

 

p.s. You didn’t say your age? If your in the above mentioned generation then stick to the more practical , safe , risk free responders, because you may have regrets 

Edited by Nurselexii

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kbrn2002 has 25 years experience as a ADN, RN and specializes in Geriatrics, Dialysis.

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Congratulations to your fiancee on the new job!  Firefighter training is no joke though. I second the suggestion to wait on the move until you both know that new job is what he wants.  That's a high stress environment as it is. Add to that your stress with starting a new job and moving and it's a lot to handle for both of you.

I know it won't be easy but honestly he'll be so busy during training he really won't have the time to dedicate to your relationship that I am sure you'd both like.  If he can room with somebody else during training and you stay put until he's finished or at least close to it a 2.5 hour commute to see each other when you can isn't bad.  Besides, there's plenty of ways to stay in touch when you can't see other daily. 

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CKPM2RN has 3 years experience as a ASN, EMT-P and specializes in Emergency/Med-Tele.

243 Posts; 7,705 Profile Views

On 3/10/2020 at 4:56 PM, Nurselexii said:

 

 

go to the end of the earth with your man and get the jobs that come so easy to licensed nurses with a pulse later 🙂 xo

 

 

I don't know what to say, so I shouldn't say anything. But this sentence is a throwback to the 1950's and really out of touch with reality.  Cue Tammy Wynette.

Edited by CKPM2RN
Tammy Wynette.

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Nurselexii specializes in Non judgmental advisor.

118 Posts; 796 Profile Views

44 minutes ago, CKPM2RN said:

I don't know what to say, so I shouldn't say anything. But this sentence is a throwback to the 1950's and really out of touch with reality.  Cue Tammy Wynette.

LOL well in the 1950’s there were tons of well to do gentlemen to choose from, in this day and age if you meet a really great guy who can be your life partner, a job especially a nursing job that is very easy to obtain for an experienced nurse is as interesting as a blade of grass, its almost like asking, fiancee or stay local for a blade of grass. They just aren’t plentiful, (the good ones that you can be compatible with ) so thats where I brought that from, but if you were around in the 1950’s you were one lucky girl! So let this youngster have a chance its like a drowning person being handed a life saver 🙂

Edited by Nurselexii

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