Depressed RN- maybe nursing isn't for me?

rn/writer, RN · Mar 8, 2011

Who gave you the diagnosis of major depressive d/o? Seems like you should start there.

One of the hallmarks of deep depression is that you lose your perspective. Everything is colored by the gray (or black) feelings. Please, confer with a competent and skilled therapist/psychiatrist. You may need to be on meds. You probably also need to talk with someone.

Some view depression as weakness and just try to "rise above" it or talk themselves out of it. This is rarely a good idea. Why? Because when you're sufficiently depressed, trying to treat yourself is like trying to pull yourself out of quicksand by tugging on your own hair.

You need the "leverage" of someone else to take you where you just can't go on your own.

Before you change jobs or close doors, please, see someone to help you with this. It may not be the external circumstances but the internal malaise and discomfort that have you feeling hopeless. It could be both, but, whatever you do, get help, and don't try to figure this all out by yourself.

Stay in touch with us, and let us know how you're doing.

PM me if you'd like.

Take care.

DizzyLizzyNurse · Mar 8, 2011

I know when I had episodes of depression, it did color everything black. I could always find something to be sad about, even things like Christmas. Don't make any life changing decisions until you get help and treatment for your depression and have a better perspective. Good luck! Depression sucks. If you want to talk message me. :heartbeat

babblingbrook · Mar 8, 2011

I was dx'ed by a psychiatrist who prescribed Wellbutrin. I've been on anti-depressant before ( I assumed it was due to my now ex husband). I saw a psychologist about 2 weeks later and cried and cried during the intake interview. I've never done that before as I'm a private person. I have alot going on in my life (mom w/ financial problems and negative personality, husband w/ depression but thinks ge can handle it, x-husband married to my former best friend who are both critical of me/parenting, working for the county as an RN and management stinks, grandmother in bad shape and mother leaning on me alot, etc. I felt like I had reached my breaking point. The psychologist said I needed to take 2-3 weeks off work and take care of myself. I have a couple of days leave, but worry about how a dr's letter saying I need 2-3 weeks off would look to future employers. The responsibilty of being an RN has stressed me out more than my time in the military! So I think I have talked to the"right" people I think and assume their dx is correct as they are both highly experienced professionals.

axr64086 · Mar 8, 2011

Reply deleted.

rn/writer, RN · Mar 8, 2011

So I think I have talked to the"right" people I think and assume their dx is correct as they are both highly experienced professionals.

I'm not doubting your diagnosis. Only saying that it's just the starting place.

Your doc may need to try different meds, singly or in combination, to find out what works best for you.

It also sounds like you could use some counseling regarding all the personal issues. Some depression is situational--it comes from your circumstances, and just about anyone in that set-up would feel overwhelmed. If you also have an internal (biochemical) element, the two together can make the world seem bleak indeed.

The treatment you have described sounds good. But you may need a more intense approach (more frequent appointments--especially while evaluating meds, aggressive therapy, a support group) in this early stage.

And please, be sure to give good feedback to your practitioners. Too many people downplay their feelings because they either don't want to seem like complainers or they can't muster the energy at the time of the appointment. One way around that is to keep a journal that you can email or show the caregiver. That allows them to see behind the facade that we are taught to wear in public.

One other thing. See your primary care provider for a good physical. Depression seems to magnify anything else that is going on. You may need vitamins or other treatment to get yourself physically up to par. The mind and the body can influence each other greatly. Talk to your doc about any sleep problems you're having. There may be more than one thing going on with you.

Keep on trying, keep on seeking, keep on asking for help until you feel that your needs are being met. Don't waste time wondering if you are somehow inadequate when what you really are is in pain.

I'm rooting for you. :up:

Queen2u · Mar 8, 2011

Hey, Babblingbrook, I can relate. I was officially diagnosed with depression several years ago, but I know it had been exsisting and undiagnosed and untreated for many years prior to that. I was taking 2 different antidepressants at one time, then I began to be in denial once it seemed everything in my life was going ok....as a nurse I knew better...I stopped taking the meds and months later hit rock bottom. It was affecting my life as a nurse. I am noticing this is staring to happen again.....as far as I am concerned I LOVE my career, but I am overworked; I work overtime and weekends every single week because my facility is short staffed at the moment. How is your schedule at work? Do you work more than 3 days per week on a consistant basis? When was the last time you took time off for yourself and took a trip to get away from it all?

Katie5 · Mar 8, 2011

The Best friend and husband bit is enough to put one in depression. Sorry that happened to you. I think it would be unfair of you to culimate everything to nursing.

You have had a host of not-so-good things happen to you and you just happen to be an RN. So it may or may not be the job that's causing this depression. It may just be life itself and its deal on you.

I like that you recognised it and too action. Changing the profession will not automically change the diagnosis. Granted it will definitely help. But it has to start from the inside, in order to bring a more positive outlook on life.

Maybe you've lost the things you could lose, now stand up to those things. See things in their proper perspective. Your bf is no longer your bf, she is your ex-hubby's wife. You might want to start referring to her that way. Maybe it will lessen the pain of it.

You Mum with a negative personality, you may want to put at a distance for a while, timed over the phone conversations. I'm all for family, but have you ever noticed, how when you stay around someone's who's negative all the time, you end up so tired and depressed yourself?

Until you get yourself together, you're not at your very best for anyone else. Im my thoughts and prayers.

Myocardium · Mar 8, 2011

"There comes a moment each day when we must simply drop what weighs on us and hand it over to God."

May the Lord bless you with what you pray for...

Reward you with what you work for...

Grant you with what you hope for...

And above all,

Surprise you with what you have not asked for."

___________________________________________________

I understand how you feel babblingbrook, you're just pressed down and sidewards and it really feels terrible. But, listen to me, you're still alive, breathing, not just in the right perspective and emotional state. Your life doesn't end with all those problems. There are times when we feel hopeless, powerless in our situation, but let's ask ourselves, who else will help me with this kind of situation? Ask God for strength that you will be able to stand and move on. You're not the only person experiencing those problems, there are millions out there and the key is already in your hand. Don't let those negative thoughts further ruin your life, fill it with positive ones.

It's not an accident that you've become a nurse. You're there for a purpose. If you don't want to be in the NICU then try to transfer to other departments. We always have a choice and we could always choose what's better or worse for us. Don't dwell in the past, there's so much ahead of you if you'll focus your mind on it. You may not always get what you want but try to thank God for the things that you have including your life and health, and that you're not one of the patients lying there waiting to be cured.

Forgive me if I sounded like someone who's that close to you to tell you these things. I'm just concerned about you. Being a nurse is a blessing, you're a blessing to those neonates and to their parents whom you have educated, coz I know that somehow you have touched their lives.

noahsmama · Mar 8, 2011

The psychologist said I needed to take 2-3 weeks off work and take care of myself. I have a couple of days leave, but worry about how a dr's letter saying I need 2-3 weeks off would look to future employers.

I don't understand how future employers would even find out about it, and if they did, you could just say you were out for "medical reasons". Far better to take the break now when you need it -- you'll be a better nurse and a less stressed out person because of it.

Good luck!

travelnurse25 · Mar 8, 2011

Hey Babbling Brook,

Possibly are you taking the work and emotional baggage home with you? Maybe you need to talk to someone? Have you tried support systems groups? I'm in one which has helped me with my ICU and ED experiences, let me tell you some things really to stick with you. If you are interested you can e mail me we can coordinate to talk [email protected]. Take a mental health day & go to the spa for a massage :) (temporary fix i know)...

leslie :-D · Mar 8, 2011

The Best friend and husband bit is enough to put one in depression. Sorry that happened to you. I think it would be unfair of you to culimate everything to nursing.
You have had a host of not-so-good things happen to you and you just happen to be an RN. So it may or may not be the job that's causing this depression. It may just be life itself and its deal on you.
I like that you recognised it and too action. Changing the profession will not automically change the diagnosis. Granted it will definitely help. But it has to start from the inside, in order to bring a more positive outlook on life.
Maybe you've lost the things you could lose, now stand up to those things. See things in their proper perspective. Your bf is no longer your bf, she is your ex-hubby's wife. You might want to start referring to her that way. Maybe it will lessen the pain of it.
You Mum with a negative personality, you may want to put at a distance for a while, timed over the phone conversations. I'm all for family, but have you ever noticed, how when you stay around someone's who's negative all the time, you end up so tired and depressed yourself?
Until you get yourself together, you're not at your very best for anyone else. Im my thoughts and prayers.

katie, that was one of the most brilliant posts i've ever read.

it showed profound insight, sensitivity, and wisdom...

and i sincerely hope the op heeds your advice.

op, are you still on the wellbutrin?

as rn/writer stated, you may have to take one or more...as some antidepressants target dopamine receptors, whereas others may target norepinephrine or serotonin.

you also need to have the psychiatrist closely monitor its effect or its lack.

stay involved with him/her.

also want to point out, that antidepressants are not a magic cure...

they won't change the circumstances in your life, but they can change the way you perceive and handle them.

yrs ago i was diagnosed with major depressive do, et al.

i don't remember the circumstances that led me to being w/o antidepressants...

but there i was, crying like a blubbering idiot at any/everything.

antidepressants definitely (DEFINITELY!!) helped with that, as i cry around 95-99% less now.

right now, your health is the priority here.

take your dr's advice, and take some time off.

separate yourself from known stressors, and take the time to regroup, restrategize, and reprioritize.

this is your life we're talking about.

not trying to be dramatic, but with unresolved, major depression, it's not a life, but a mere existence.

wishing you only the very best.

and please feel free to pm me as well.:hug:

leslie