Deathly Afraid of Critique/Getting in Trouble

[Lynker, LPN]

Hi,

I've had a history of getting let go from jobs, for reasons such as not getting up to speed fast enough, and not knowing certain protocols. I've also got a verbal warning from my first/PRN job for writing a note wrong during state inspection. 

Because of these reasons, I have a deathly fear of getting in trouble/talked to, getting let go, warnings, etc. 

I am currently in therapy, and take many psych meds to help with my depression, anxiety and ADHD. These things help, but once there is even a glimpse of the possibility of getting in trouble in any way, or even talked to, I completely lose it and spiral into anxiety attacks and panic attacks. 

I started a new job two weeks ago, and it's been going very well. (Nursing Supervisor)

The other day, my DON asked me to meet with her, but she did not tell me why.

Because of this, I spiraled and was in agony the entire night, until I fell asleep. I saw her the next day, and she asked me if anything in my job is making me anxious. I said a little bit, and she took me and asked what was going on. I told her that the "meeting" she told me about made me anxious. She told me that it was simply to talk about my new roles on the 3-11 shift (this week I've been training on 7-3).

I felt so stupid after! But I still have a fear of getting in trouble, every time I see her or any of the "bosses".

Do you guys have any tips for this? I see my therapist again Friday, and will be bringing this up. I also plan on messaging my psychiatrist again to see if we need to increase my meds--I have clonidine and lorazepam for anxiety/panic attacks (Which the clonidine works well).

I wish I wasn't like this. I know it's common to have anxiety when these things happen, but it's debilitating at this point.

Edit- Sorry this is so long!

[hppygr8ful, ASN, RN, EMT-I]

I am sorry you are going through this. I am a long time veteran of anxiety. It sounds like you are being very smart and seeking help from mental health professionals. Keep up with that. If you haven't already done so a complete medical exam with blood work is in order. On a regular night how is your sleep? Appetite? etc. If you know "Grounding" it's a good thing to practice. 

Hope things get better

Hppy

[mmc51264, BSN, MSN, RN]

I could have written this!!  I get very anxious when they want to "talk" I told them not to call me on a Monday for a meeting on a Friday as I fret the entire week. 

See if you can work out a system for your bosses to try and let you know the seriousness or have a Zoom meeting or less notice. Nothing worse that being blind-sided. 

I have developed a relationship with one of the bosses and she is now the one that meets with me if there is an issue. I can count on her to be fair and professional. I had a rough year with some other people with a different agenda. 

[Lynker, LPN]

hppygr8ful said:

I am sorry you are going through this. I am a long time veteran of anxiety. It sounds like you are being very smart and seeking help from mental health professionals. eep up with that. If you haven't already done so a complete medical exam with blood work is in order. On a regular night how is your sleep? Appetite? etc. If you know "Grounding" it's a good thing to practice. 

Hope things get better

Hppy

Thank you so much Hppy. I will get an order for bloodwork to see if anything has changed. My sleep is average, as well as sleep.

I haven't done grounding in quite awhile. I'll look into it again.

Thank you!

[Lynker, LPN]

mmc51264 said:

I could have written this!!  I get very anxious when they want to "talk" I told them not to call me on a Monday for a meeting on a Friday as I fret the entire week. 

See if you can work out a system for your bosses to try and let you know the seriousness or have a Zoom meeting or less notice. Nothing worse that being blind-sided. 

I have developed a relationship with one of the bosses and she is now the one that meets with me if there is an issue. I can count on her to be fair and professional. I had a rough year with some other people with a different agenda. 

You feel my pain! LOL ?

My boss has told me that if there is a problem, she will come straight to me without beating around the bush. She is very kind and genuine. I'm not worried about the staff not communicating well, I guess it's just my internal anxiety.

I see my therapist tomorrow, and I will bring this up. I may make an earlier check-in appointment with my psychiatrist while I'm there as well.

Thank you for your response. ?

[Davey Do]

Writing in the written word has helped me in similar circumstances. For example, when I had civil & criminal charges brought against me, had to sit in the room with the plaintiffs before a deposition, without my lawyer present, I wrote my thoughts and feelings done on a pad & paper.

The writing was a bunch of "I feel... what's going to happen... " etc. Writing is a great catharsis, makes our thoughts & feelings tangible, and can be very calming. Writing organizes our thoughts and can give us a new perspective on things. Sometimes seeing our fears in the written word allows us to see how silly we can be.

Another example is just this morning. My wife Belinda and I are at odds over a family matter. I took out my journal and made some notes which led me to an idea for a humorous art project. I feel calmer and more ready to deal with the situation's stress.

Lynker, I sense a great potential for growth in you, judging from your past posts and support you've. given me and wish you the very best.

[TriciaJ, RN]

When I was younger I used to remind myself that I was actually an adult.  That meant  I gave no one the power to make me feel like a school girl.

If a supervisor had information for me, it was just that.  Information.  If she wanted to admonish me like an old hen, that was her.  Maintain calm, steady eye contact when this is happening.  You're just being respectful and attentive, but it can take the wind out of their sails.

Respond to all criticism by requesting more information.  If the motive is constructive you'll learn what you need to know.  If the motive is a power trip, you'll make it less fun for them.  

If you're fighting the urge to cry, it helps to roll your eyes upward for a second.

You are a professional woman.  Carry yourself as such and expect respect.  Blessings.

[Davey Do]

TriciaJ gave some great advice on how to handle yourself in a professional situation which may be emotionally stimulating.

Some years sgo, my medical nurse wife Belinda had to meet with a higher up regarding a patient fall. She was nervous so I suggested a role playing exercise. We each took turns playing the two parts.

The exercise worked and Belinda felt comfortable and well prepared for the meeting which went well.

[Lynker, LPN]

Thank you all so much. You're all so wonderful. I take to heart every comment. I talked with my therapist about it this morning, and I made an earlier appointment with my psychiatrist as well. 

Also, TriciaJ, I am a boy. ? ? 

[JKL33]

TriciaJ said:

When I was younger I used to remind myself that I was actually an adult.  That meant  I gave no one the power to make me feel like a school girl.

If a supervisor had information for me, it was just that.  Information.  If she wanted to admonish me like an old hen, that was her.  Maintain calm, steady eye contact when this is happening.  You're just being respectful and attentive, but it can take the wind out of their sails.

Respond to all criticism by requesting more information.  If the motive is constructive you'll learn what you need to know.  If the motive is a power trip, you'll make it less fun for them.  

If you're fighting the urge to cry, it helps to roll your eyes upward for a second.

You are a professional woman.  Carry yourself as such and expect respect. 

Blessings. 

EXCELLENT.

The other thing this tack accomplishes is that it projects a steadiness and demeanor that says one is not easily messed with.  Which stymies a whole heck of a lot of BS before it can even get started.

I highly recommend Tricia's advice even if it takes some time and effort to really feel it and see oneself as capable of being strong in that way.

You can do it, @Lynker

 

[TriciaJ, RN]

Lynker said:

Also, TriciaJ, I am a boy. ? ? 

Oh, gosh, I'm sorry!  You're still an adult and a professional.  I'm rooting for you.

[Savita67]

The enormous amount of worked required by nurses is stressful.....I suppose the nature of the job is inherently so. I also get easily overwhelmed and often wonder if I am in the right profession. Glad you're cognizant of your triggers and taking steps to mitigate them. I am stuck in a cycle of depression and anxiety.....and this line of work makes it worse. Love helping and caring for people, but there has to be a better way of balancing work and life. I'm tired of being tired.?