death

BadBird, BSN, RN · Oct 3, 2001

I think the ultimate goal of all nurses is to see our patients improve. However, there are times when death would be better than the life we can offer the patient. I work in ICU and there are times when the families make the patients full codes and I think that is a crime. To see an 80 lb cancer patient on a ventilator , vasopressors, cardioverted, cpr, etc.. and you know all you are doing is inflicting pain is cruel. I blame the physicians for not be straightforward with the families and letting us keep the patients comfortable and let nature take it's course. I have actually heard physicians telling medical residents, the patient has no chance but get the family to consent for arterial lines, swan ganz catheters, etc... as it will be a good learning experience for you. There are other scenerios I have witnessed such as family members wanting the government check to keep coming in so they insist everything be done to keep the patient alive even if they are suffering. Suggesting an ethics meeting is another problem as most physicians don't want to be involved. How sad.

donna6133 · Oct 3, 2001

my friend has the last stages of ovarian cancer i would like to know if anyone can tell me what to look for.When they call in hospice is that a bad sign?

debbyed · Oct 4, 2001

Bad for Whom....In most of my experiences hospice is called in to help give the patient and the family much needed support. The patient is allowed to direct any further therapy with an emphases on dignity, peacefulness and pain management.

This time allows the patient and his/her family time to say and do the things important to them and to come to terns with the disease process. Usually by this time the patient has chosen to forgo any further testing and treatment other than confort and pain control.

As you said, your firend is in the last stages of her disease. She now needs her family and friends to understand and support her decision to pass away confortably,peacefully and in a loving environment. Go to her and be with her. Reminise about the times you had, hold her hand and tell her that you care,

This is one of the most important times in a persons life, and the transition from this life to the next is made so much easier by the skill of the hospise nurses and the care of the family and friends. Although we must all make this last trip alone, it has to be much easier when you are surrounded by love.

mattcastens · Oct 4, 2001

My first experience with a death was actually my first day of orientation as a nursing assistant about six years ago. The lady had already died, and the first thing my preceptor decided to train me on was post-mortem care.

I couldn't stop giggling! :eek:

It was a combination of many things, mostly the fact that I had never encountered such a situation before. At the same time, I felt terrible laughing at what I percieved to be such a somber time.

On the other hand, I personally have never felt sad at death itself. Certainly the circumstances may be tragic (trauma, child, etc.), but I find that the actual pain of the situation is usually not caused by the death of a patient, rather the reactions of family and friends who have lost a loved one.

Death is inevitable. No matter how we try to avoid it, we all will die. In fact, I think much of the tragidy surrounding death stems from the fact that as a society we try so hard to fight it. Many times death is more of a blessing than a curse. Those who have already passed have been relieved of a lot of misery and no longer care about their corporeal being.

Even the death of youth need not be tragic. It is simply that the time has come. As I mentioned before, though, trauma, or deaths involving a lot of pain change the circumstances.

When a patient of mine dies, watching and helping the family makes it difficult. No one can deny that loosing a loved one is one of the most painful experiences we can endur. Having lost many close to me, I understand that, perhaps, better than most.

donna6133 · Oct 23, 2001

Just wanted to let you all know my friend died last night of ovarian cancer at least she's not in any more pain.I will miss her dearly

hoolahan, ASN, RN · Oct 23, 2001

Donna, I am very sorry. I know that you made the most of your time together near the end, and I am sure that she knew how much you loved her.

tai · Oct 24, 2001

hello everyone, i'm a first year student studying nsg and so far i love it....

donna, i'm sorry about your loss....but i also believe that your friend is in good hands.

i've experienced death at the age of 13, and was blessed to be the only child in our family there, but even now that i'm 21, i still cry over losing my mother, esp. when i know she would be, where no one else is.... with me.

but my question for you all is...how easy is it to get into heaven?

tai

donna6133 · Oct 24, 2001

Thank you so much hoolahan I appreciate the message

Sundowner · Oct 24, 2001

Donna,

I am so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you, and all of you here who so elequently tell how you deal with such a difficult subject, and truley one of the hardest we as nurses face.

When I entered Nursing, I thought very carefully about the areas in which I thought I was best suited to work, and my thoughts always came back to how much can I handle. I decided, though it is still difficult to deal with, I am much more helpful and much more pulled together when it comes to the eldrley and dying. I know, with all of my heart, that to see a child suffer or die , could not be dealt with well. I would never be able to be of benifit to the child or the family because I would be a basket case myself.

I chose geriatrics, though it is still difficult, I can come to grips and am much more benificial to families in dealing with the death of an aged person. Life has been lived, and now there is peace. I can express true empathy, for I have lost, I cant comprehend loosing a child,, I have lost a Father, and Grandparents,,, I know that pain. I know when your daddy dies, you immediatly feel like you are a child again, you are sure you would always need him and his wisdom. I know when your grandmother dies, your heart aches at the thoughts of never having her warm embrace, her constant smile and approval, and you tend to wonder about the fate of your parents.

These are things I know, and I have always felt it best for me to stick to the things I know.

I have always viewed the death of the elderly as a blessing, a homecomming, a reason to be rejoycefull, for they are in a better place and life has been lived, yet there is sorrow for us left behind who shall miss them, I also believe that they are always with us.

When one of my patients dies, I am actually glad for their suffering has ended or perhaps they never suffered....that is good too! I am thankful for the chance to know them, and their families. I strive to provide families with support, a shoulder, an ear, share a tear, for they are the ones who will need it most, the deceased is bound for glory.

For those of you who work in Ped's , or ER's , or anywhere that untimley death occurs. God bless you. I couldn't handle it, thank heavens you can.

semstr · Oct 24, 2001

Donna, I am sorry for you! But glad for your friend, her suffering is over. I'll lit a special candle tonight.

Take care Renee

CATHYW · Oct 24, 2001

DebbieEd and Ted are so right. Being sensitive to the loss of another human being is part of what makes a good nurse. You will never "get used" to death, but there will be times that you recognize it as a blessing, and other times, a tragedy. I did floor nursing and ER, and it always affected me. I didn't always cry, but I was always sad.

It is an awesome thing to see death occur. Even though the circumstances of the fatal injury may have been traumatic, or the CA lingered for a long, long time, death comes quietly. I always thought that people went, kicking and screaming. I was wrong. I think the impact is that, if death can quietly appear and take someone away, it could just as easily happen to me. It makes me aware again of just how vulnerable we humans are.

Try to be as supportive of the family as you can, without being intrusive-believe me, they will remember how they were treated, even if they don't remember your face.

Since all of us go through this, find another of your staff members that you can discuss your feelings with. Even though our spouses and family love us, they cannot begin to know what it is like, unless they are in the field.

One last note-when I was preparing an expired person for their family to visit for the last time in the ER, I always talked with the person. I am a firm believer in hearing being the last sense to go. I would tell the person what I was doing, just as I would have if they had been alive, and would tell them how sorry I was that they had to leave, or how it must be a relief to have the pain over with-whatever I was feeling at the time. Mind you, this was always behind a closed door-I didn't want to spook anyone!

Rustyhammer · Oct 24, 2001

I've seen death many times and it is harder some times than others. I get attached to my patients and some are harder to see go than others.

I'm a cryer and if someone is dying I'm right there with the family balling beside them.

I took time off and took care of my father for 3 1/2 months while he was actively dying. It was hard to watch him wither away (CA). I still haven't cried for his death. I wonder why?

Death is strange at times I guess.

-R