Dear Miss Manners, How to I deal with touchy/feely coworkers?

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Specializes in ER.

I'm no touchaphobe, but it sort of makes my skin crawl when co-workers I don't know too well get all touchy with me. I've loosened up quite a bit about the folks I've built up relationships with, and I think I've reached a good middle ground for me.

Yesterday, one of our new hires invaded my bubble. She also started to use a pet name. Ugh! Dear Miss Manners, How do I gently put her in her place without offending?

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New hire needs a lesson on invading personal space.

Quite sure you can handle it ;)

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I'd just use those wonderful words please and thank you.

"Mary" could you please step back a little I'm claustrophobic sometimes. Thank you very much.

" Mary" I would appreciate it very much if you could not call me by that name. It makes me feel uncomfortable.

If she would be offended if you ask politely of these things then it is her deal and no longer your problem. You need to feel comfortable around your co workers and sometimes people just have to get to know you as a person and what things bug you so they can stop doing those things hopefully

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Specializes in PICU.

You could say something such as:

I see that you like to give hugs, etc. I am not really like that, it takes me a while to feel comfortable with people. Thank you for respecting my space.

For the pet name... do others use it at work freely? If so, maybe she is using because others do.. you could say.. Hey.. please call me ....

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I take easy route of self deprecation.. "I'm sorry, I'm oddly claustrophobic and hugs make me anxious. My poor husband LOL!"

In trade I would tolerate the pet name.

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Specializes in OR, Nursing Professional Development.

I just went through this with one of our new surgeons. Asked to speak to him during some down time, explained that I had difficulty handling uninvited touch (history of abuse), and that was it. No, it wasn't the easiest thing I've ever done. Yes, there are other coworkers who I've developed a relationship with whose casual touch I can handle without panicking/fight or flight response/having flashbacks. But ever since we had that talk person to person, there haven't been any issues. If you don't address it, they don't know they're making you uncomfortable.

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.

I feel your pain...

There is (was?) a resident who I affectionately call Dr. Bigteeth, which I am sure she was Miss Congeniality runner up somewhere who tried to get touchy-feely during a rant she overheard by rubbing my back; my abrupt "I'm fine" with a hand up wasn't enough, but then the outstretched behind double clutch of my arms/semi hug and my subsequent modified shoulder shrug for her to stop-and to stop the impulse to elbow her into those huge pearly whites-kinda got the message. :up:

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Specializes in Addictions Nursing, LTC.

I am a complete touchaphobe, and I'm sure I visibly cringe in these situations. I still find it hard to say something out of fear that I will hurt someone's feelings. I usually try to find a way to work it into conversation and hope the offender takes the hint. I wish I could be as straightforward as some of the other posters.

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Specializes in Med/Surg, orthopedics, urology.

I have fun with it. In my sweetest Southern drawl, "Oh hon, you don't want to hug me. I just treated my neighbor for head lice." That fixes it forever. Bonus: you get to watch the person itch all day. I mean, there's respectfully asserting your feelings in a calm, rational way too.

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Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.

I think just saying in a matter of fact manner that you aren't a "hugger," and you prefer to use the name your parents gave you. I've had to step back or put my hand up more than one time.

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