Dealing with personal prejudices?

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I really want to work in L&D when I graduate... or really, anywhere in the women's/children's field. My only hesitation is, I have very strong opinions about teen/single moms. As a young woman who has placed a baby for adoption against every selfish desire of my heart, I have a pretty hard time being tolerant and understanding of many young girls who just decide to keep "their" baby. I've kindof developed an attitude of "Well if I could do it, anyone can do it." I'm a little bit afraid that, despite my best efforts, some of that will come out in dealing with the inevetible teen parent situation.

What do you do to set aside your personal prejudices and serve the teen/druggie/irresponsible/whatever new mom with love and understanding?

This topic has been discussed in many forms in this forum. Turns out, it is not simply the fact that a teen is giving birth. It is the overwhelming acceptance of the situation as the "norm" now. The sense of entitlement that so many of the patients/clients have now. They are not worried about the same things we worry about as WE are taking VERY good care of them in many ways. I cared for a very young teenager recently whose mother was so "proud" of her for being a cheerleader !! Such screwed up values by ANYONE'S standards. I take good care of my patients but I would be less than honest if I said that being an actress is not an asset in nursing. We are thrust into worlds and situations that most of us find foreign to our sensibilities. It is NOT easy.

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Maternal instincts are not necessarily age related. I'm sure you have teen mom's who are more fit to be a parent than some women in their thirties.

I just came from a non-medical board where we were discussing exactly that! Some of the worst parents I have known were highly educated, had money, and were older.

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Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

Just because we are nurses, doesn't mean we don't have opinions. Maybe you should consider a different type of nursing? For me, I can not and never would work mental health or psych because I have a child with mental illness.

So...maybe you should consider something else if you can't get beyond what you admit are your own personal prejudices.

Take care and good luck.

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Specializes in Community, OB, Nursery.

What Steph said about identifying your personal feelings toward any situation is so true. Until I at least give a name to how I feel about anything, nursing-related or not, I am not going to deal with it well.

That said, the way I deal is pretty much the same way I'd treat (and have treated) someone dying of lung CA who smoked for 40 years. I don't agree with the choices they've made but they probably know that already. I do the best I can to care for the person in front of me.

When I have a teen mom, I do the best I can to teach her how to take care of her baby and what to expect developmentally. Those are the best tools I can give her. And I try to make sure I know she can do it, that she CAN take care of her baby and finish her schooling. It's not ideal for sure, but being that this baby is already here, the next best thing is that he has a parent confident enough to care for him and realizes what a commitment it is.

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Specializes in Nursing Home.

I'd really love to respond to all of these individually, but there's no way I can. A lot of you really got exactly what I was talking about. I don't think it will get in the way of my professionalism, to the degree that I'll have to change fields (of course, I'll need some experience to say that for sure!)... but I'm sure this is something I'll have to identify and actively work on. It can be a pretty heartbreaking field to work in, with all that's going on in society these days. I definitely don't want to give up, though. If i can teach someone how to better take care of that baby, be their advocate, make some tiny difference in the baby's life, it will make it all worth it.

I did want to specifically respond to HeritageRN... i think your response made the biggest impact on my thinking. I'll probably always remember that awful story of how they treated your mother, and think about it when I'm taking care of these new moms who will always remember their days in the hospital with either fondness or horror. I never want to be the reason they tell their children what a terrible experience giving birth was.

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Specializes in postpartum.

You already know that you have a potential problem, and that is half of the battle already. It seems like you are concerned that you don't want to upset anyone or treat them differently, so just be aware of your words, tone of voice, and body language. You don't have to love every patient, just treat every patient with respect.

You never know about any mom, you know? The teen mom might be better equipped to deal with change that the 49 year old primip. It all depends on the person, her support system, her circumstances. That's individual to everyone, no matter what her age.

I was a teen mom. And eleven years later, my son is happy and healthy, and his dad and I have been married for almost twelve years. We both have college educations and great careers. It's all about each mom making the best choice for herself.

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Specializes in behavioral health.

kudos to you looking inwards and working on this tough issue =) Working in psych, you deal with many addicts who truly play the system. I tend to just consume myself with their care and truly don't think about it, until afterwards =P. and many of these people do respond to someone who cares. and you never know, when it will all click for someone. Drug addicted babies is rough.. I don't know any person who that would not bother. and like some others said, the social ramifications of teen parenting is not your job. You weren't in her bedroom to offer her that condom =P but if she is going to have that baby anyway, you can help the baby be as healthy as possible and a good birth experience will help the young mom to better connect to her baby.

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Specializes in Rural Health.

I think it's awesome you are looking deep inside to make sure this is the right choice for you!!!! Keep in mind, parenting has no boundaries. You'll see great parents at age 15 just like you'll see some really crappy ones at age 35. We all can share stories but the common theme will always be age doesn't make or break you as a parent.

I know when I first started nursing I was in the ER and you see all kinds of crazy and wild things in there. I really struggled keeping my emotions at bay. A wise RN told me once, you are not their final judgement and it's not your place to judge these people. Your job is to take care of them to the best of your ability. What they do to themselves makes you crazy enough to have a fit of rage right there in their room but it doesn't change the fact that they are still your patients and you have to take care of them. Teach them what you can and hope they take something from it. That's all you can do.

She was right.

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purplepanda, there is no area of nursing that isn't heartbreaking, except maybe what I do, in informatics.

A lot of people live sad, bleak lives. While caring for them is a privilege, I think, it's also emotionally draining.

If this area is one that is going to cause you significant conflict, I think you may be setting yourself up for a lot of additional stress - and nursing is stress all by itself, without emotion-laden situations that bring you back to your past every day. While I know you did the right thing for yourself and your baby, I can't imagine that that was a happy time.

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Specializes in Med/Surg.

As a nurse it is important to recognize your personal biases. As long as you recognize them you should be able to provide professional, kind care in situations that you are not completely comfortable. I think it is more a problem when you do not recognize your biases and then provide subpar care to your patients. Always remember that everyones situations are different and what works for ourselves doesnt always work for others. Good luck :heartbeat

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Specializes in L&D, QI, Public Health.
As a nurse it is important to recognize your personal biases. As long as you recognize them you should be able to provide professional, kind care in situations that you are not completely comfortable. I think it is more a problem when you do not recognize your biases and then provide subpar care to your patients. Always remember that everyones situations are different and what works for ourselves doesnt always work for others. Good luck :heartbeat

Great post.

I haven't even started my position yet and I'm concerned about this. Taking this job has really opened my eyes as to how judgemental I am towards certain populations and their situations. I really pray that I can keep it in check and provide quality care to EVERYONE, despite my biases.

The whole perinatal period is a major developmental milestone for a woman (sometimes, child) and I just hope to make a positive and perhaps, longlasting contributtion towards it.

I was told a woman never forgets her L and D nurse, so I see it as a major responsibility to do this in the most compassionate way possible.

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Specializes in OB.

This is something I struggle with as an OB nurse, also.

It is very difficult to feel compassion when you have the same situations present day after day after day. I am Christian and I try to remind myself that these patients are children of God, just like me. I don't know where they've been or what they've been through in their lives.

I do my best to try to be a blessing to the mothers and to the babies for the short time that I am with them. I often say a silent prayer over certain babies before I send them home into whatever type of life they are going home to.

Bottom line: It is hard but we are there to make a positive difference in any way we can.

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