Dealing with personal prejudices?

shoegalRN, RN · Jun 25, 2008

First, you have to realize not everybody THINKS the same as you.

Just because you felt it was the best thing for YOU to give your child up for adoption, does not mean everyone subscribe to that line of thinking (hence the "if I can do it, anybody can").

Also, you DON'T know these young mother's backgrounds, nor what kinda support they may be getting for their child. And I am speaking in terms of emotional support from the father/family members.

You just have to keep your personal feelings to yourself. You are there to care for the patient, not morally judge them for a choice they have made.

You just have to remember to keep your personal feelings aside and give the benefit of the doubt when dealing with your patients.

crissrn27, RN · Jun 25, 2008

Speaking as one of those teenage Moms , I would have been very upset if my nurse had express disapproval about me "keeping" my baby. Everyone says it was different with me because I was married, but I was still 16y/o, married or not. I know my situation is one of the few that "worked out" for me and my baby (who is 12 now, btw, and a normal, happy boy).

How do you think you might express this prejudice? I have done all sorts of mother/baby, L and D, peds, etc, and a lot of situations will have you holding your tongue, or calling social work in to deal with. The teen pregnancy issue is just one of many, dealing with this area of nursing. You also have drug/alcohol abusers, with baby born addicted, moms who don't have custody of any of the other 10 children she gave birth to, the missed abortion babies, etc, etc. How will you feel about some of those situations?

The 3 main things in any area of mother/child nursing is 1)physical well being of mother/child 2)teaching 3)support, IMO. If you truly feel you won't be able to support and teach a teen that has decided to keep her baby, without giving off disapproval, then maybe you should rethink going in to this area.

I think if you care enough about this to come here and post then you can overcome it and learn to be supportive to these moms. Especially if your niche really is mother/child nursing.

classicdame, MSN, EdD · Jun 25, 2008

this is what professionalism is all about. You do not have to treat everyone with love, sometimes kindness and tolerance is the best we can do and is sufficient. Everyone has a bias. You will learn to accept what you cannot change but at the same time you can be a model

HeritageRN · Jun 25, 2008

From a child of a teen mom.

Every girl in this situation has to find within themselves the right thing to do. It is a very difficult decision and choosing either adoption or raising the child should be respected. My mother chose to raise me and she was/is a wonderful mother. She was very strict with me as a teenager and now as an adult I admire her so much, especially after having children of my own.

She had nurses that felt like they needed to teach her a lesson when she was giving birth to me, left her in a tiny cubicle, didn't explain anything to her, wouldn't listen to her and she was so frightened. It was such a scary experience for her and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I know that choosing to raise a child as a teenager is not the right decision for some people but for others it may be. My mom tells me often that I saved her from going down the wrong path in life.

As hard as it may be you have to keep your personal feeling out and offer the support and compassion that is needed.

BlueRidgeHomeRN · Jun 25, 2008

you are describing the main reason i left ob and mother-baby. it was about the same time we had to stop using the term "husband" and change to "the baby's father." i could no longer in good conscience support the choices that usually end badly and endanger the child, in one way or another.

it is a free country, for everyone, so i chose an area where i didn't have to bite my tongue or provide half-hearted care.

remember looking at the 40 minute old child of a 17 year old g4p3 coke addict and thinking, "sorry little guy, but you are so screwed..":cry:

llg, PhD, RN · Jun 25, 2008

[remember looking at the 40 minute old child of a 17 year old g4p3 coke addict and thinking, "sorry little guy, but you are so screwed..":cry:[/size]

as a former nicu nurse (and still one at heart), i remember having that same feeling many times. i look at those sweet little babies and think of the wonderful lives they could have if they could find a better home ... but will almost certainly not have because some terribly dysfunctional mother or family is set on keeping him and putting him through the h*** that is their family life.

i feel the same about some of the little kids i see in pediatrics. they are great kids -- living just awful lives because of their messed up familiees.

i stay in the maternal-child field because i believe that people can overcome difficult childhoods. most do not ... but some do. those that do overcome their dysfunctional families usually do so because some professionals (in hearthcare, social service, the educational system, etc.) "hung in there" and continued to provide what little help they could.

just his past weekend, i was visiting my home town. my sister (who had stayed there and become a teacher) was updating me on various families ... how their kids turned out ... etc. she had a lot of success stories to share of people who had disadvantaged childhoods who have turned out to be ok adults and who are now living what seem to be good lives with good, stable, successful children. good for them! ... and for everyone who helped them along the way.

JeannaRN · Jun 25, 2008

Don't they teach you in your nursing program that you are expected as a nurse to treat EVERYONE with compassion and to the best of your ability? That means that when the alcoholic with DT's, the gangbanger with the GSW, the homeless person with infected feet and lice, the child abuser etc. come in, a NURSE is expected to give them the same care and compassion that he/she would give Mrs. Gotrocks from 5th Avenue or the President of the USA. You are not there to judge these patients or teach them YOUR values. You will probably do that in your heart, but your actions and your mouth should not show these patients anything but professional care and courtesy. It is hard to do, but not impossible as evidenced by many nurses who are compassionate and caring with these patients.

Unless you can separate your feelings from your professional duty you and the patients would be better served working in another field. No matter where you go in nursing you are going to encounter people whose values and lifestyle will clash with your own.

As the above poster said, many of these people are "helped" along the way and turn out fine. But you seem to be judging a teen Mom who did not make the choice you would have. THAT is not helpful.

Jo Dirt · Jun 25, 2008

This is precisely the reason I will not work in the OB. Aside from the painful heartache of miscarriages and stillbirths, I couldn't bear to see innocent babies sent to their doom with people who shouldn't take care of a pet turtle.

When I was in nursing school, during my L&D rotation, I saw things that bothered me for days, I guess since I still think about it they have permanently affected me. One example is the tiny baby girl who had to be bagged when she was born because of her mother who smoked like a freight train. The family (think Deliverance) was in the room with mom and REEKED of cigarettes, it was so disgusting I almost couldn't keep my mouth shut.

Another mom was skinny as a rail and covered in tattoos. In my naievity back then, I didn't know why she had sores all over her face.

I remember thinking, they are letting a baby go with that???

Yes, I was being discriminatory and judgemental and there are times when I believe discrimination has its place.

That said, I don't believe it would have been any easier to give up the baby I had given birth if I was 15 or 35. Maternal instincts are not necessarily age related. I'm sure you have teen mom's who are more fit to be a parent than some women in their thirties.

vashtee, RN · Jun 25, 2008

I really hated my OB/Peds rotation for this reason, and ruled it out as a potential area to work in. In my entire clinical rotation, I had only 2 patients that were married and of an appropriate age and financial status to be having babies. It was SOOO depressing.

During my rotation, I tried to focus my time on a lot of practical teaching of baby care and child safety, which will benefit both mother and baby.

MikeyJ, RN · Jun 25, 2008

I am doing my practicum in the pediatric ICU at a county hospital, thus most of our patients are those who have suffered severe traumatic accidents or child abuse (shaken babies, children who are thrown against walls, dropped out of windows, etc.). We do get other children at all, but most are what I just described.

The nurses I work with are absolutely amazing and everyone has told me that the ONLY way a nurse could work in a setting such as this is to provide the best care to the child and leave the social situation to the social workers and law enforcement. As humans, we are going to have preconceived ideas about certain "types" of people (in the OP's case, teen mothers), but it is not our job as nurses to judge our patients -- instead, we are to provide the best care we can. And if a certain population bothers you that much, then you as a professional need to recognize that and move on to a different population that you can treat with respect and dignity. There is no shame in doing that.

allnurses Guide · Jun 25, 2008

I was taught to identify my bias (drug and alcohol addiction) prior to starting work and then be a professional and just take care of them, be their advocate.

Having said that, it is only normal to find yourself at a crossroads like BlueRidge and decide it is better to either not go there or leave.

As Mikey said, no shame in doing that.

I worked in a small rural hospital and when we would get babies like the ones mentioned and I took them to the nursery for baths and weight I would pray for them. Sometimes as I bathed them. Sometimes as I rocked them to sleep. It is heartbreaking to send them home with their parents.

I don't work OB anymore.

steph