Culture Shock & Big Girl Panties - Ch 2

[Julie Reyes]

Follow my journey through nursing school - read Go to Nursing School? NEVER!! Ch 1

I am 43 years old. I have 4 kids - 2 in college, one in high school, and one starting 8th grade. I am on my second marriage, so the 4 kids I mentioned are mine, and my new husband brings in 4 more - 2 out of high school and 2 still at home. We have a lot going on. Football, soccer, track, band - extra-curricular activities for the kids means extra-curricular activities for me. With nursing school starting in the fall, I drop all of my odd jobs and focus on the kids and my one summer prereq course - pathophysiology.

I am floored when I get my book from Amazon - or whatever site I got the textbook from. It is bigger than the family Bible! Anyway, I dive right into my class. Since I live an hour away from the university I am attending, I am doing all my classes online. Nursing school - eline... I am not sure this is the smartest decision I have ever made, but I am not working, and gas is near $4 a gallon at the time. Everything is expensive and we are short on money. With 8 kids - oy - we have to save where we can!

The professor for my patho class is a doctor in the emergency department at the hospital I want to work at when I am done with school. He is really an amazing professor, and I am learning so much in the class. I don't have to study that much, because he is so great at the powerpoints and lectures that are posted. (Unfortunately, this professor is so great, and I am learning so much from his online lectures, that I set myself up for a rude awakening in nursing school!)

Fall is here - the long awaited time to begin my first nursing classes. I have spent an enormous amount of money on the "required" textbooks - most of which I will never use in nursing school at all! I am a little shocked at how unorganized the eline program is. No set due dates, no set exam times. It is a semi-new program for the university, so I suppose they are just working out the bugs. However, the disorganization leaves me in a state of confusion. Adding to my disappointment is the fact that none of the classes are like my patho course!

I dive into my classes (pharmacology, fundamentals, theory) and I drag textbooks to football and soccer games and read when my kids are not playing or... marching/drumming/or anything I should be cheering for. I have no clue how to study - I think I have been "winging it" until now, and from the syllabus for my courses, I am not going to be able to float through these classes anymore. So, I do what I think I should do - I highlight every single word I read...on every page. I should have bought stock in the highlighter company. Um...is it excessive that I have just highlighted all the pictures too - just in case!?!

This is the part where I turn into an insecure whiney brat. How is it that the words in the pharmacology book are written in another language? Well, maybe it is English, but OMG, seriously? I don't have a clue what I am reading. That being said, I have become a thorn in my professor's side. I email all of my professors constantly, begging for clarification, explanations, and "please spell this all out for me" type of emails. I need someone to hold my hand so that I can make it through this!

I have suddenly discovered that this nursing school business is for the birds! Apparently, nurses have to know more than just how to wipe butts and give shots....and it seems that the Board of Nursing is determined to make sure nurses know a lot about, well, everything! It is impossible, right?! With my first exam looming, I have developed intense heartburn and incredible anxiety! I am snippy and snooty with my family - I have no patience for anything or anyone. I am just not cut out for this! How in the heck is nursing school so hard?!?! My first husband was right when he said I am stupid and not smart enough to go to school - just like he always told me. This is really hard - I can't do this! I am FURIOUS that he might be right. I put off my first exam day after day, which is easy since there is not a deadline to take it.

As I stare at the yellow highlighted pages in my pharmacology book, I think, "Just take the stupid exam!" I will never move on if I can't get passed this. I am terrified of it. I have no idea what to expect on it, I have no idea what I should know. What more can I do - I have studied all I can - well, I have read all the pages that didn't make any sense anyway.

I put away my notes and my books and log onto the site to take the exam. One question after another "you gotta be kidding me" question. Um, I don't think that they took these questions from MY pharm book. By the end of the exam, I am in tears. I have no clue what just happened, but apparently, I got the wrong textbook. I submit my test and stare at the screen. My score comes up and I got a 58. OMG, I failed! I close my eyes and put my face in my hands. I am at a loss.

I send a plethora of panicked emails to my professor. One after another, and another. I am not ever going to be able to get this - how the heck am I supposed to understand any of this...this STUFF??? I have NO clue how to study! My professor for this class is NOT teaching me! My patho professor was so good and this professor is ... well, is NOT my last professor!

I whine the rest of the night to my husband, who patiently listens to me and then tells me for the first of hundreds of times, "If it were easy, everyone would do it". My kids can't believe I failed an exam, and I mentally see them slapping high fives to each other for all the times I have scolded them for any time they have ever received a poor grade (although they really were NOT doing that). Ugh, now what?!

The next day I am still wallowing in my pity party when I received a reply email from my professor, who has apparently had enough of my "poor, poor me" helpless attitude. "Dear Julie, it's time to put your big girl panties on and get down to business" ("to defeat the Huns" - I always have to add those words when someone says that. Is it just me or do you do that too?).

In hindsight, that was the BEST thing anyone ever told me! She totally snapped me out of my pit of despair! Somehow, I was able to pull myself up by my bootstraps and figure out this studying thing. I connected with others in the eline nursing program who helped me learn how to study and work through the coursework (God bless you Dawn, Rhonda, Erin, Lesley, Erica, Sarah, John, and Annie). I threw out the highlighters and I quit believing I could NOT do it and started believing I WOULD do it.

I was able to finish my first semester with 2 A's and 1 C (it is hard to come back from a failing exam grade)! Hey - if Mulan can do it...! Somehow - those seemingly harsh words in the email from my professor made me look inside myself and find something I never knew existed - resolve, willpower, and endurance; the ability to overcome adversity and rise to the occasion - a skill that is needed by every successful nurse. I learned to quit whining and start working toward my goal. The road to nursing is hard, and it is a road less traveled, but like my husband says - it is was easy, everyone would do it.

....and I realized, this "big girl panty" thing - it rocks!

My journey begins!

For the rest if the story, see

Go to Nursing School? NEVER!! Ch 1

Culture Shock & Big Girl Panties - Ch 2

Pretzels, Puppies, and Physical Assessment Ch 3

Tales from the Crypt....uh.... I mean Clinicals. Ch 4

Give me a BREAK!!!! Ch 5

RN: Judge and Jury Ch 6

Virtual Reality Ch 7

Avoid Kids at ALL Costs! Ch 8

The End of the Tunnel...Holy Cow - is that LIGHT?! Ch 9

[beckyboo1, BSN, RN]

Loved this story and this is the perfect place on the board to put it. I hope ALL new students read it! Thanks for the laughs in my last finals week :)

[AmyRN303, BSN, RN]

Loved this, Julie!

[ashsoontobeRN]

I always add that part from Mulan also lol, I'm enjoying reading your story, thanks for sharing!

[dorkypanda]

No matter what age someone is, I get the pumped up feeling after reading an encouraging and inspiring story about themselves.

[tviveros]

Julie...Your article has inspired me. I am a 44 year old mother of 5 (plus the dog, the cat, the 3 birds, the goldfish, and the husband). I have been "thinking" about going back to school for too long now. I have a bachelor's degree that I finally earned at age 40, but all it did was give me something to hang on my wall (Although I am proud of myself for doing this with 5 children under the age of 16, and working part-time). I have been researching and going back and forth as to whether or not I should go for a BSN. Although it's never been my number one goal in life, I know it's something I would be good at. The truth is the fear of Nursing School has kept me from moving forward. I am afraid I may not be smart enough; plus I don't want to have to put my family aside for the next 2+ years. Although I know that in the end it will make a world of a difference in our finances, and I would be honored to be called a Nurse. Thanks for your post.

[TC3200]

Read Millennial Doctors May Be More Tech-Savvy, But Is That Better?

at NPR.org. Is in blogs section there.

Read/listen to that med student in that article. I don't know what to make of that except med school format must be loads better organized plus more efficient than R.N. R.N. school was grueling and brutal. I found the incessant drama and stress annoyed me at first , then sank me into a deep depression. It was a toxic work environment and I got fed up and quit. No regrets whatsoever. But I really think R.N. instruction must concentrate on imparting knowledge before asking students to attempt critical thinking with it. I strongly believe that the schooling is a big keep away game that has a goal of holding down the number of new grads. Or at least that is the game that diploma school was playing. Admit 65 or so but whittle down to only 25 to 30 grads per cohort. Same thing just different year.

I applaud all those who found a way to succeed. To me, so many students having same problem making the transition indicates design flaws in the educational system not the students!

[kbrn2002, ADN, RN]

No doubt nursing school is brutal. My two year ADN program started with 32 if I remember right [it was a long time ago], we were down to half that by the last year. Our numbers were supplemented that last year by a group of about 5 or 6 LPN to RN bridge students and we still only graduated around 20 [21 or 22 if I remember right]. On the plus side it was a very successful program as far as NCLEX pass rate, all but one passed the first time, the only one that failed passed on the retest so we did end up with a 100% pass rate.

[Marasca]

Feral panties. During my first semester of nursing school my sister shared this blog with me - If You Walk Out of Your Panties… | Baddest Mother Ever . I had an embarrassing case of feral panties at the time. I walked away from those suckers, got some big girl panties on, and now I'm graduating all grown-up like. It sounds like you've got this in the bag!

[verdigirl9]

I went through a ver similar experience and I was sitting the class room everyday. You can do this.

I'm getting Pinned today. ?

Michelle Ramsey LPN

[Sharide]

Such a great story! I too have decided at 44 to go back to nursing school. I graduated 18 years ago and have been out to have my family and such and have to basically do all of my schooling over again. I am doing it online as well, and boy is it hard! I have no idea how to study properly, I love my highlighter! my white pages have turned yellow :***: How will my brain retain any of this that I am reading? It was refreshing to hear someone else talk about things that I have been feeling. I am sure I have driven my professor crazy this semester as well. That being said, one of my courses finished last week and I passed - it was a pass/fail. My other course this semester finishes on Monday. Then I'll only have 10 more courses to take! Seems so daunting to me, but it has to be done. Thanks again for sharing. And if you have any suggestions for learning to study again, I'd love to hear them.

[Julie Reyes, DNP, RN]

Sharide said:

And if you have any suggestions for learning to study again, I'd love to hear them.

Well, actually I do have a few pointers! I wrote an article on this just a few weeks back! If you would like to look at it, you can find it at this link:

https://allnurses.com/study-tips-nursing-students-t552354/

Thank you for your story! You got this! Pretty soon, it will all be a distant memory, and you will think to yourself, "How did I EVER do that?!"

Stay tuned for Chapter 3, coming next week!

[verdigirl9]

Everyone learns a little differently, so I'm not sure how to advise on learning how to study again. I am 48, I have a touch of ADHD, I am dyslexic, and I'm the first generation in my family to go to college. I learned my study habits from my daughter, who went to college before me for engineering, and all my girlfriends who are nurses. I will tell you to read, read, and read it again until you understand what you read so well you can teach it to who ever will listen to you. I am what is known as a practical learner, I needed the classroom time as well as all the clinical hours I could get. When you read, instead of highlighting everything, highlight key words and then write notes for yourself on what you just read, notes in your own words. Use different colored ink for different things. Use colored note cards so you can color code your drug cards and always use red ink to write out adverse reactions. Ask people in your class, even if it's an online class, if they'd like be in study group and then help each other learn this stuff and teach this stuff. Acronyms are your friend, they can turn something really big into a more manageable bite of the "elephant". Comparison charts when you're studying similar pathophysiologies can put things into perspective. There are great videos on youtube under Simple Nursing.com, a lot of them are free, but if you can afford to subscribe they are well worth the money. The beauty of those videos are you can watch them over and over until you know this stuff and when you subscribe he will do lessons at your request to help you have a better understanding. When it comes to the math Khann Academe helps a lot, but dimensional analysis is your friend.

When you get tired and frustrated, confused, and want to give up, take a deep breath and tell yourself, "I am a great nurse, I can do this." What ever you do, DON'T give up. There will be tears, there will be laughter, there will be moments of clarity, and there will be moments of despair. Celebrate ALL the moments, good, bad, and indifferent. For those are the moments that are teaching you the life style of a great nurse.

Never forget, nursing is a gift, the paycheck is only a side effect.