Convincing a stubborn husband

GN Dave · Feb 19, 2009

Barbara, if nursing is your calling, then please don't let anyone or anything stand in your way. It is awful when you have to go to a job you hate. There may be times when getting to your goals is difficult, there will be bumps in the road along the way. Nursing school is a challange, to say the least. But if being a nurse will make you happy, then please do it. Once we are dead, there are no "do overs"... so go for it!

Dave

jennafezz · Feb 20, 2009

I agree that you should go for it, and become a nurse. However, I don't have the attitude of "don't let anyone stand in your way", because in my opinion, husbands and wives have a say in the others' life. A family makes decisions together, and your decisions directly affect his life. I think you need to concentrate on gently convincing him of WHY this would be a good thing. Have you honestly and clearly expressed how unhappy you are at your job? A happy job makes for a happier person in all areas of life. Tell him that. Tell him that you will be able to be a better wife and a better mom if you are happy in your career. Tell him the facts, like how long the program takes, and the huge opportunities that a nursing degree will give you. Tell him that you will have a better retirement (my assumption), a more flexible schedule, better pay, etc. Make arguments for nursing that matter to him. Remind him that if he were to want to change careers (which he may want, someday) that you would fully support him because his happiness is important to you.

Or maybe, find a compromise. Like, say that you will give accounting one more year to see if you could grow to like it, and if you are still miserable, you will try for nursing after that year. Or tell him that you will get a night job or a weekend job to help make up for the lost revenue.

tfleuter, BSN, RN · Feb 20, 2009

:yeahthat:

I would also add, that if money is a concern (cutting your income in half is a big deal) than hold out and wait for the RN program instead of the LPN. It will give you more time to save up/pay off debt with your current income and will lead to higher paying job opportunities. Obviously money isn't everything, but it is something and plays a big role in our lives. You can also show your husband that you can advance later on into something like a NP or CRNA and make what you are making now, if not more! So it doesn't have to be a permenant cut in pay.

blitz1030 · Feb 20, 2009

Thanks for the advice. I know he is trying to think realisticly, but I don't mind struggling for another year. I see it as one to two years of unhappiness while going to school or many years of unhappiness staying at a job I hate. I am going to go home and talk to him and see if we can work something out.

Thanks again

Cilantrophobe · Feb 21, 2009

Good luck. Husbands can be very slow to warm up to the idea of scary things like letting your wife go back to college, again, and for a new major. Whatever you do, don't compromise what your goal is. If you want to be an RN do that, don't go to LPN school because you feel like it is a quicker route.

It sounds like you already have all of your pre-reqs done, is that the case? If not spend the time you have between now and the next ADN-RN program application process, and save as much money as possible, and take all the pre-reqs and supporting courses, that you need.

Whatever you do, ease him into it and try to be patient, I am sure he will come around. And if he keeps saying no, give him a break and then approach him again at a better time. Over time he will see things your way. A happy wife makes for a happy home, he should know that by now. Just remember that part of convincing someone to let you do something is showing your level of seriousness, if he see's you spending less money on yourself and being very conservative with money he will take you very seriously.

1stloveistobeanurse · Feb 21, 2009

You know I went through this similar situation, however, I was an accountant for 20 years and when I got married we had a daughter. I really did not know nursing was what I wanted to do at first I just knew I wanted to do something else. Accounting never really worked for me, this is what I did, I took sometime to see what my hubby wanted to do with his career and I made the effort to help direct him in the right place. Then once that was done, I kept at making my way to the medical field, the more I learned the more I wanted to become a nurse. Recently I just could not take it anymore, I explained to him, that I felt like it was time for me, to invest in me, I explained to him that I wanted the same investment I gave to him, and when he really seen this was important to me, he now supports my choice.

Make an attempt to talk with your hubby let him know how and why this is important to you. Sometimes, we want to move suddenly and it may not be our time to move. Not that the move we want to make is the wrong move, just not the right time. No one can decide that for you, you want to be a nurse, but do you want to be a wife, mother and a nurse? that is the question, it is all about time. Bring him into your work world, the world of accounting and the world of nursing and let him see how you operate in both places- I beleive then he will change his mind

cookderosa · Feb 21, 2009

Barbara,

I might be in the minority- but I think a husband gets 50% of the vote, and if you have children, he should get 51%. Decisions like this are not unilateral, they absolutely will impact everyone, and you are not talking about a part time class in the evening- you are talking about rocking everyone's world. There are a lot of reasons he might be resisting your push to change careers, but money-time-childcare- household responsibilities-etc are among only a few. I have 4 children, and we have been married 16 years (in my career for 23- changing to nursing) I promise you if you make this decision by yourself, your marriage won't make it. You have to compromise together, but that's not as bad as it sounds!

Since you are an accountant, you are probably very logical and good at details. Use that to your advantage. Lay out a plan- on paper- to show him. Structure out a schedule, show him who and how you can direct the family activities that concern him (childcare, cooking meals, school schedules for you child, budgeting/income, etc) and lay out a detailed financial plan.

Since you already have your sciences (I'm assuming) you are looking at probably a very straight forward 4 semesters (maybe) and so this isn't a lifetime, it's roughly 64 weeks. BUT, approach this logically and reasonably. Come to the table with a proposal. How will bills be paid? On credit cards? If so, that's a bad plan. You need a good plan- one that won't damage your family.

Changing careers, especially into something that is your life's calling, will be rewarding. Do remember, that as parents with real mortgages and real children, sometimes we have to "do what we need to do" in the moment and shelve our dreams until it fit into the schedule. THERE IS ALWAYS TIME, statistically, you are not going to be hit by a bus tomorrow. Statistically, you are going to live until the ripe ol' age of 80. Maybe returning to school isn't in the cards for 2 more years (or 12). Laying the foundation of a solid marriage together and providing a stable family unit for your child IS important.

You didn't get through 2 years as a bio major and a job in business by being dumb, you are a smart woman :yeah: , just approach this decision with logic rather than emotion.

JBGC4 · Feb 21, 2009

I found myself in a similar situation, about the "unhappiness" of not doing what you honestly want to do. After my children were born, I became a stay at home mom. It suited me fine at first but then I found myself sinking into a depression. I was able to hide it at first but it caught up w/ me. It was affecting my relationship w/ my husband and even worse, it was affecting my parenting. At first I wasn't sure why, and then resentment filled me. Resentment towards hubby and the kids. Certainly not fair to them, and not to myself for the guilt that consumed of feeling resentment towards them. I knew something had to change and one day it clicked. I didn't like my "job" as being a sahm. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being w/ my children, but something was missing. I needed something of my own away from the confinments of my home. I didn't like what I did b4 the kids came along...social services....toooo defeating. But nursing seemed to be a way for me to service others in need and feel good about those services. I told my husband not knowing how he would handle this. Me going back to school would disrupt our routine, cost $$$, and put my husband to the test of stepping up to the plate when I can't get something done. He works 70 hours a week...another problem. But when I laid it out to him, all my feelings, even the most raw ones he knew I had to do this for myself, for him, and most importantly for my kids. I told him that I would certainly pick up the slack for him, as I have w/ his demanding job and now it's my turn. I started school the following summer and I have to say it has been the best thing for all of us. I will start the program this fall. I was totally terrified of how it would work out and what hurdles are yet to come but I know in two years, just two years I will have completed a huge part of myself. That puts me a smile on my face.

I am not saying that you should ignore your husband..but he needs to examine your wants and needs. Remind him this isn't something wanted but needed. You could end up like me. Resentful. It messes w/ everthing. Hopefully you will be able to work something out. Good Luck and never give up!

1stloveistobeanurse · Feb 22, 2009

I found myself in a similar situation, about the "unhappiness" of not doing what you honestly want to do. After my children were born, I became a stay at home mom. It suited me fine at first but then I found myself sinking into a depression. I was able to hide it at first but it caught up w/ me. It was affecting my relationship w/ my husband and even worse, it was affecting my parenting. At first I wasn't sure why, and then resentment filled me. Resentment towards hubby and the kids. Certainly not fair to them, and not to myself for the guilt that consumed of feeling resentment towards them. I knew something had to change and one day it clicked. I didn't like my "job" as being a sahm. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being w/ my children, but something was missing. I needed something of my own away from the confinments of my home. I didn't like what I did b4 the kids came along...social services....toooo defeating. But nursing seemed to be a way for me to service others in need and feel good about those services. I told my husband not knowing how he would handle this. Me going back to school would disrupt our routine, cost $$$, and put my husband to the test of stepping up to the plate when I can't get something done. He works 70 hours a week...another problem. But when I laid it out to him, all my feelings, even the most raw ones he knew I had to do this for myself, for him, and most importantly for my kids. I told him that I would certainly pick up the slack for him, as I have w/ his demanding job and now it's my turn. I started school the following summer and I have to say it has been the best thing for all of us. I will start the program this fall. I was totally terrified of how it would work out and what hurdles are yet to come but I know in two years, just two years I will have completed a huge part of myself. That puts me a smile on my face.
I am not saying that you should ignore your husband..but he needs to examine your wants and needs. Remind him this isn't something wanted but needed. You could end up like me. Resentful. It messes w/ everthing. Hopefully you will be able to work something out. Good Luck and never give up!

My God, I hope you realize how much God has just used you!. I am almost 40 and this is my first marriage, when I came across this thread I was able to identify with the poster because I am currently in this same situation. I have been praying about this for well over a year now, because I did not want to admit my resentment. I am the youngest in my family and I am also the only women, my mother past away before I got married and my life for the past year has been a complete 360. So all my feelings was new, and I really dont have anyone that I could explain myself to. I had recently spoken with my hubby and I laid all cards on the table, and by God's grace he understands and we are making it. Somehow doubts still creeps in, because I have waited for so long, without finding the right words to say how I feel and changing careers after 20 something years I really did not realize it would be this hard or emotional. But I must say in public, what you have just written was everything that I was feeling, I really couldnt have found a better way to place it every word of it.

To the original poster, just know it is a committment, that require so much sacrifices, you have to want it, and keep your marriage and your family in tact. When the time is right God will send you a sign just as he has sent us

God Bless

caliotter3 · Feb 22, 2009

Welcome to the site. My husband discouraged me when I talked about going to college or nursing. I wish I would have done a better job of putting up with his criticism because I wasted many years not accomplishing what would have made me happier.

kathleenincal · Mar 1, 2009

show him the hospital websites begging for nurses. if that doesnt change his mind I dont know what will. men are afraid of changes as us women.

once your a nurse you write your own ticket.

show him the las vegas hospitals websites that are giving 10K sign on's for rn's.