Controlling parents won't allow job interview

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-Roommate and I went to nursing school together. The city that the university is in is a while away from both of our hometowns.

-Her parents make her move back home while I stay here in the uni city.

-Job market for nurses sucks in her hometown. She's gotten rejected from the hospitals there, but has an interview for a hospital in the unit city, where I'm at.

-She lets her parents know of the interview, but they don't want her leaving home. Her mom instead says she'll find something in due time and that she needs to wait, and dad says she's cutting her experience of living at home too short.

-She knows what she wants, but she's afraid of hurting her parents.

How would you handle this situation? The longer she remains jobless, the more horrible she'll look when she continues to apply but her parents are ignorant. The situation just frustrates me. Her boyfriend and I have even offered to drive all the way to pick her up for the interview.

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Specializes in Emergency Department.

The choice is ultimately hers. She can "defy" the family and find a way to get to the interview or she can do what her family wants and can look locally there. Her choice. She also will be the one to live with the consequences either way.

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Specializes in hospice.

Time for some growing up and cutting of apron strings.

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Just stand by and support her decision- whatever it may be. You (and the boyfriend) have no more right to control her than her parents do.

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Specializes in Hematology/Oncology.

cut the cord.

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Specializes in Neuro, Telemetry.

She's an adult? There is no "parents won't let me" excuse. If she wants to leave "home" , then she needs to grow up and do so and stop letting her parents decide everything for her. Do her parents control who she dates, when her curfew is, who her friends can be? I sure hope not or its even worse than I thought.

As a friend, you cant really say all that though. You can offer her advice and encourage her to speak up for herself and her wants and support whatever decision she makes. No judgement here, but is it a cultural thing that she lets her parents control her. I know is some cultures, parents have a say in everything and in some even control everything until the woman is married, and sometimes even after? In that case there is really nothing you can do except be there for her.

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Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.

It seems as if some cultural issues are at play. Are the parents immigrants?

I agree with previous posters who say it is time for the former roommate to cut the apron strings. However, we must be cognizant that some people have been socialized to deal with parental overcontrol until age 30 and beyond. I don't think it's healthy, but it is what it is.

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and perhaps, she is doing exactly what she wants to do...

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Thanks, everyone. I plan on sending this to her. Her mom is Mexican and her dad is American. Her mom also isn't that big of a fan of her boyfriend here, which is another reason why she's so against letting my roommate go.

Is there any way she could get a decision right on the spot? I am a float tech right now (will be an RN on another unit soon) and I'm going to see if I can get myself assigned to the unit the interview is on and try to pull some strings. I'd appreciate other thoughts. Thanks!

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Specializes in Nursing Professional Development.

In addition to the things everyone said ...

I would suggest to you friend that she tell her parents that she is doing the interview mostly "for practice" -- to get interview experience so that she will be prepared to do well in future interviews in her home town. She can honestly tell them that she is "not sure" what will she will do if they offer the job ... that it is unlikely that they will offer the job ... but that it would be beneficial to her either way to get the experience of doing the interview. Her parents will still be unsupportive, but such an approach to the interview might soften their resistance a bit.

Once she does the interview ... and IF she is offered a job ... she can then decide what she wants to do. She might not get the offer - and there will be no choice to make. Getting a firm job offer might change her mind. But the "doing the interview as a learning experience" moves her forward without making a commitment -- and that may be a step for her that is possible within her family reality.

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In addition to the things everyone said ...

I would suggest to you friend that she tell her parents that she is doing the interview mostly "for practice" -- to get interview experience so that she will be prepared to do well in future interviews in her home town. She can honestly tell them that she is "not sure" what will she will do if they offer the job ... that it is unlikely that they will offer the job ... but that it would be beneficial to her either way to get the experience of doing the interview. Her parents will still be unsupportive, but such an approach to the interview might soften their resistance a bit.

Once she does the interview ... and IF she is offered a job ... she can then decide what she wants to do. She might not get the offer - and there will be no choice to make. Getting a firm job offer might change her mind. But the "doing the interview as a learning experience" moves her forward without making a commitment -- and that may be a step for her that is possible within her family reality.

Great response. Looking for responses like these!

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Specializes in retired LTC.

Maybe she needs to calculate what a potential salary would be if she were accepted for a job. Present the info to parents. And since it's only an interview she has no guaranteed offer...

$$$ usually talks esp if there are lingering school loans to pay off.

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