Contacting patient after discharge

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Earlier this semester, I met a patient who I instantly bonded with. He and his wife told me if I ever was at the chemotherapy center with my mom (my mom and this patient both have cancer) to come find them. I haven't seen them, but I have been really wondering how he was doing. They really made an impact on me and further my desire to become an oncology nurse. Is it against the law to send them a little note just thanking them for being wonderful and ask how they are? I'm not asking to see them or start a friendship, I really am concerned about how he's doing with treatment. Is it okay to send a short letter?

Specializes in Medical & surgical nursing.
I do not agree with most of these comments. Yes, there is some silly ethical issue these days with health care professionals not being allowed to contact patients even if the patient is ok with it. We are supposed to basically be like "professional robots" as some have called us, do our job, and pretend the patients no longer exist after they leave our care. That is how I have heard nurses being described. I do not believe in this. I believe in the old fashion care. It is inhumane, in my opinion, to tell any nursing professional to not have feelings for or to not make friendships through their work. Yes, this can be a HIPPA issue if you attempt to contact them without their consent and the patient giving you their contact information. However, if they willingly give you their information and are ok with continuing a relationship outside of the work area, I find that to be good. It's not about ethics. That is stupid. It is pathetic to know that the nursing profession in this country has come to a turning point that medical staff cannot create a "bond" of any sort with their patients, especially if you live in rural communities. Are you saying that I cannot walk down a street and see people I take care of nearly daily and ask how they are doing? That is just plain stupid. I might as well avoid my entire community. Sorry, life just does not work that way. Where I live, it is a rural community and everyone knows everyone else. You don't go around advertising a person's condition but if you see someone, it is considered polite to stop and ask how they are doing. This country has become terribly rude in how the medical profession has become. I see such "cold" nurses anymore who do their job and go home because as one told me "you cannot be allowed to show feelings towards your patient because you can get into trouble." That again, is just plain stupid. We are here to care for people, love what we do, and love the people we care for. If we did not have this type of love, I think any nurse that lacks such should just quit being a nurse. I refuse to stop caring for my patients. I am a loving person and I will continue to say hi to them and if they want me to call them on the phone, I will. This is what life is meant to be. Not "nursing robots." It is pathetic to think we are not even allowed to send them a thank you note. What has this country come to? Too many lawsuits, "nursing robots," and people in the government trying to micromanage healthcare to the point that nurses and doctors become stressed, over-worked, and show little to no feelings towards patients. I had a doctor recently tell me that it takes an act of Congress now to get things approved for a single patient. It's stupid. This nursing profession needs to go back to it's loving and caring aspect, and get rid of the "nursing robot." I work with nurses who literally show almost no emotion towards their patients. They are grumpy, and you can't tell if they even care about the patients. My past instructor had stated it is because they are protecting themselves from any "ethical" problems that could arise. I personally would never want to be cared for by any nurse that truly didn't care whether I lived or died.

I agree with you totally. How can you genuinely care for some body you have no compassion for ?

we should as well program robots to be caring for patients instead of nurses with no empathy and compassion. What was nightingale and Others doing.

Is empathy and compassion not part of therapy?

Family health nursing and home nursing can speed up recovery of patients as well not only our cold and rigimented care at the health facilities.

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Specializes in NICU, PICU, educator.

A lot of good points here. A tad over 30 years in the business here.

I will give parents my work email to keep in touch, but never my personal information. I do care for my patients and families but their life is separate from mine. I have also never met anyone outside of the hospital setting. That's just me. We have reunion parties yearly and get to see many of our patients that way, or at March of Dimes Events.

Also, the few times I have been to court I have been asked if I have been in touch with the parents in any way shape or form. And if you do keep in touch by email, text etc never ever give advice. If you tell them one thing and they do it and has a bad outcome, all they have to do is show the text or even tell a lawyer that you gave them advice and you will be contacting your malpractice for a lawyer. It happened to a girl on another floor. Just a little food for thought.

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Specializes in SICU, trauma, neuro.
We are supposed to basically be like "professional robots" as some have called us, do our job, and pretend the patients no longer exist after they leave our care. That is how I have heard nurses being described. I do not believe in this. I believe in the old fashion care.

I agree with you totally.

Let us know how that works out for you.

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Giving out a work email to stay in touch rather than your personal information is a fantastic compromise I think. It gives both the patient and the nurse the closure they both may need.

Thanks for that!

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Giving out a work email to stay in touch rather than your personal information is a fantastic compromise I think. It gives both the patient and the nurse the closure they both may need.

Thanks for that!

It isn't, and how is providing a means of continuing contact giving "closure"? It's exactly the opposite, IMO -- avoiding appropriate closure by maintaining a relationship (that should no longer exist).

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Specializes in critical care.

Oh, dear lord. HIPAA!!!

I feel a ton of compassion and show it with my patients. I clock out and go home. I'd die from non-stop grief if I had them in my non-work life, and that makes me no less of a nurse for feeling this way.

The attitude that the non-self-sacrificing nurse is defunct, terrible, non-worthy of the credential is disgusting, and those who have expressed that here should be ashamed of yourselves. Your inability have have healthy boundaries between work and outside of work is disturbing to those of us who see where lines are drawn.

I don't really feel that way, but do you see how much it sucks having your character judged?

I need down time from patients because if I don't have it, I'll burn out completely. I can be an awesomely caring and attentive nurse if I get my personal time to recharge.

I also don't want to run into the challenge of being asked for medical advice. How does it help the ailing former patient to have to be told no? Or do you give in and advise?

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From someone who HAS crossed that invisible boundary, DONT DO IT!!! It became a nightmare situation where I was almost stalked to the point of filing police reports, and this was NOT from the patient I treated, but rather from a dysfunctional family member who got my number from his mother. I had given it to her because we "bonded" and I had asked her to call me after treatment to let me know how it went. was not a fun experience. However, having said that, I have ran into old patients occasionally and we do talk "in the moment" and catch up, which I feel is appropriate, because I am not acting in a professional sense or giving medical advise. When we cross over into the friends category, we can set ourselves up. I have had patients who have told me.. "my friend, who was my nurse at one time, told me to...." fill in the blank. or I have gotten "my friend who was my nurse said that I need you to get an order for... " again, fill in the blank. I have had patients ask me if we could keep in touch after their stints in a facility, but I decline.. politely of course, but still decline and say something such as... "I am honored that you consider me a friend, but I need to focus on my work" or home, or whatever, and with a few pushy one's I have said it is against my work contract to have communication outside of work. Thankfully nobody has thought the wiser on it. Protect yourself, as people in this world can become pretty pushy and cross boundaries. It sucks that we live in such a world, but HIPPA is very real and not negotiable. As for the facebook comment, I cannot even imagine being FB friends with past patients. I think the only way I would be is if they were fiends prior to being a patient, but then in this situation, I would probably ask to not be their primary nurse.

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I also want to add on to what some others have said... I have been told that I am a GREAT nurse and show great compassion and treat others the way I would want to be treated. I care ALOT, probably too much and that is another reason I try not to cross any line when it comes to outside work. I want to know, I want to know they are ok and I want.. very much.. to help them, but I have to think of my own mental health as well. being in this field for almost 20 years has taught me alot about myself and how much I can take without taking away from my own life. In the beginning, I worried about all my patients. At work, outside of work and heck, even dreamed of some, and emotionally, I was drained and my personal life suffered. As a CNA, I worked double shifts often because of lack of staffing and call in's and it literally put me in the hospital and set me up for a lifetime of back issues because I could not handle the thought of MY patient not getting the best care. Though the years, I have learned to back off and prioritize my feelings and have gotten to the point where, once I clock out, I try not to think about work or those I cared for that day. Operative word being TRY. I do not feel I am a less compassionate nurse because of it, I feel I am better because of it because I give all I can while on the clock and nurture my mental health when I am not. I would never not say hello to a past patient, nor do I not care, but I have learned that I cannot be turned on as a caregiver 100% or I would worry myself to an early grave. I cannot say how many times I have cried in my career over a patient or patients to the point where I felt I was on a full blown crisis. The other reason I dont go further outside of work is because sick people usually only want to talk about their illness and being that they know my role, that is what they want to discuss and what I think they should do. It can be a double edged sword.

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I used to work in a tiny rural hospital doing L&D, my kids were under 5 and at times on the playground I would look around and realise that I had been at the delivery of 75% of the mothers. Lots of them would show me their baby and I'd make appropriate comments. Hard not to in a tiny community. But none of them were "friends" and I didn't encourage a relationship between our children. I do however have a friend whose child was my patient in NICU, we met at a reunion and started talking about books and home remodelling etc, we have become friends and socialise. I was careful in the beginning to be clear I had no knowledge of paediatrics or developmental milestones in toddlers. But we did discuss how her son was doing. You do have to maintain boundaries, your patients are not your friends, but you are still human and sometimes friendships happen.

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Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
Is empathy and compassion not part of therapy?
I can have all the compassion for a patient in the world without crossing boundaries to become one of his personal friends.

I've been the patient recently. As long as my nurses provided competent care and responded appropriately to changes in condition while I was there, I wouldn't mind if they totally forgot about me once I discharged home. The truth is that no one will ever genuinely care about a patient as much as the people in his/her personal life.

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Specializes in CNA 8 yrs LPN 6 geri, chemical dependency.

Following rules and avoiding breaking hippa standards does not a lack of compassion make.

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