It was a quiet Sunday afternoon and I walked into a 97 year old woman's room and saw a strange man sitting on her bed. She was laying supine and he was sitting next to her with his body over hers and intimately rubbing her arm. It didn't look right to me. At one point he leaned over and looked like he was going to kiss her.
I went to the nurse's station and asked the CNA if he was a relative. She said he wasn't, he was from "a church."
I said, he's in there getting too touchy-feely with Mrs. J and she said he had his hand on her leg when she saw him and agreed, he gave her the creeps.
I went into her room and asked if he was a relative and he said no, he was a friend. I said this whole scene is totally inappropriate, totally inappropriate, you need to get off that bed and get your hands off this patient!!! He was pushy an unapologetic and said everyone knows who he is and his wife is visiting down the hall, everyone knows him, the family knows he comes to see her and wants him to touch her and kiss her and let her know she is loved.
It made me sick.
He left and came back with his wife who wanted to know what my problem was and I told her. So, she went and sat on the bed and held this woman's hand (nothing like how her husband was touching the patient). Then the husband said I made him really upset and I shot back that I was pretty upset myself. I said you can't tell me you wouldn't want me to do the same thing if it was your mother and I thought she was being touched inappropriately! He just gave me this defiant look as if he didn't have a clue what I meant.
Him and his wife left and didn't say another word to me.
I wrote a long letter to the DON and plan to call tomorrow. This has me really upset. Just because these people go to church does not make them virtuous. In fact, they were both very arrogant and pushy. Several people told me they are very strange and they do not trust them. Still, I am apparently the only one to call Mr. Pervo on his behavior. My instinct that what he was doing was so strong I was ready to be as fierce as I needed to be to get the point across to him that I wasn't about to tolerate him fondling a 97-year-old woman suffering from dementia.
What should I do about this next time? It looked like an act of sexual assault to me (at the very best it was terribly disrespectful to the patient) and I felt like I should intervene THEN, not stand out in the hall and whisper about it to someone else. I believe if he cared anything about Mrs. J he would have understood her caregiver stepping in to ensure her safety, but he wasn't concerned about that at all. Then again, if he really cared about Mrs. J I can't believe he would have been touching her in such a demeaning way. It was really gross.
This may have elevated and escalated the situation but I would have told the guy to leave. Holy crap!! You're there for the patient, to hell with how that guy felt.
That is what the nurse relieving me said. She said why would you care if he got upset? You are here to take care of the patient! What's laughable is that he tried to be manipulative and turn the situation around on me by making accusations about a small bruise on her finger. I didn't buy it.
I was the charge nurse/head nurse/supervising RN. This lady is so confused she did not know to put up resistance if she wanted to. She was just laying there watching us the whole time like she was watching a tv show.
I got pretty upset with this man. He was telling me about how his wife knew what he was doing, he was known by most everyone in the building, on and on...at one point I said that any way you slice it this was inappropriate behavior.
I can't be perfect and flawless like others seem to be. There are always people who are in total control and know just the right things to say and the right way to put it...sorry, but I'm a human.
I can't be perfect and flawless like others seem to be. There are always people who are in total control and know just the right things to say and the right way to put it...sorry, but I'm a human.
i think you're being facetious but still, i so wish you wouldn't apologize.
you staunchly protected this helpless woman.
God love you for that.
incident report- notify md & family- care planning.
I am sorry to disagree with you ooottafvgvah but sometimes especially in that situation that the visitor was already being aggressive, you can't just sit back and be all Suzy Sunshine. Some times certain words are needed to prevent a situation from escalating because alot of times vistors/pts/ pt family will see you as a door mat and will try to get above your head and you have to show authority. .
Who said anything about being suzy sunshine? I didn't say I would do it with a smile on my face. I think you might find that there are more effective ways to get people to do what you want, rather than yelling at them. Again I didn't say to 'think of the visitor' or to consider his feelings. I said that there are better ways to handle a situation without it getting out of control.
Is anyone really arguing that? Really? I've rarely ever found myself as a doormat because I am stern when I need to be. Also calm, but stern. People respond better to that and you command a greater deal of respect, whether or not they want to provide it.
You really believe the words she used were the best way to handle it? Or you would have used harsher words? Oh my.
Never in my life have I ever seen tactics like that do anything except escalate situations and make things worse. And trust me, I can get my way pretty persuasively, but yelling at people and accusing them seems to yield sub-par results at best. Again unless someone's life is at stake right now this very instant, I think there is almost always a better way to handle a given situation.
I would have asked the patient if he needed something, if there was a particular reason he was so close and acting that way. If he says no and continues to do what he is doing, I'd ask him to stop as it isn't appropriate. If he continues then I call my charge nurse and security.
And she did all of that. She informed him his actions were inappropriate and she indicated to him that she wanted him to stop. Now.
When something doesn't feel right, it usually isn't. This nurse responded with the reaction that perv deserved. We are the voice of our patients when they cannot speak for themselves, and this nurse spoke well for her 97 year old angel. If the situation escalates - boom, call the charge nurse. That's what they're there for.
When something doesn't feel right, it usually isn't. This nurse responded with the reaction that perv deserved. We are the voice of our patients when they cannot speak for themselves, and this nurse spoke well for her 97 year old angel.
What are you arguing against? I also said the situation was inappropriate, and would have taken action. Did you read what I wrote?I said that even though two different approaches might "handle" a situation, some reactions are more likely to lead to a worse incident or situation, and should be avoided. Why is that not clear?
What are you arguing against? I also said the situation was inappropriate, and would have taken action. Did you read what I wrote?I said that even though two different approaches might "handle" a situation, some reactions are more likely to lead to a worse incident or situation, and should be avoided. Why is that not clear?
i think what some may be reacting to, is a student suggesting a better way, to a nurse.
not that students don't have notable contributions to make:
rather, nurses are trained in 'therapeutic communication' and in theory, sounds all nifty-keen.
but there are situations that evoke emotional responses...
and you will also do so, in your real life as a nurse.
it happens to ea and every one of us, at one time or another.
so while i know you meant well, it came across as condescending...
and i think your post may lend itself as more credible, when you actually become a nurse.
i think what some may be reacting to, is a student suggesting a better way, to a nurse.
While it is true that I am "only" a student, it is incorrect to assume that I have never been in a stressful situation that required a similar approach as was called for in this situation. For all you know I was in law-enforcement in my previous life.
Nursing does not have the monopoly on handling difficult situations. Nursing school is not my first experience in my adult life. I have had a great deal of different careers already, each of which required handling of a variety of situations in a variety of ways. I understand what you are saying, but please bear in mind that I'm also an adult, and far from a life-newbie.
edit: to put it another way, I wouldn't think of correcting a nurse who tells me the best way to insert a catheter, or help a patient with impaired gas exchange. I'm not there yet. But as far as handling people...sorry, but that's the same everywhere you go, in just about every career. Human beings are human beings. There are good ways to handle them, and there are better ways to handle them.
The situation is very clear to me - that I don't agree with you should not indicate that your clarity is finer than mine.
Hmmm I didn't even notice that one poster is a student and one not until now. I didn't see anyone else bring it up, either.
I think ooottafgvgah has a great point, and sometimes a nurse can learn a thing or two from a student, if that is truly what some of the posts are about.
I would have had to see the actual act before I could agree that going off on someone that harshly was warranted. I wonder if this RN will get a call from the patient's family asking why they jumped on their pastor or whomever the visitor was. I need to re-read the OP, but it sounded like the man was touching her arm and not much more. I don't get why the anger unless some details were left out.
please remind yourself of this statement, with your criticism to the op.
she reacted to a very threatening situation.
it doesn't mean she does this on a regular basis.
≈
I wouldn't, or didn't mean to suggest that she does this on a regular basis. But I'm assuming that since she started a thread here, she was looking for feedback on her response. All I have to go by is what was posted.
and while i know nothing about you or your career hx, it wouldn't be that extensive, being that you are 26.
so to me, yes, you are a life-newbie, no matter how experienced you feel.
You'd be surprised. This is my first real stint of college, and I worked full-time all the way through high school and beyond. Barely any retail, either. I could go into what specifically, but the point is that while I am certainly not as experienced as some people who may be older, I think it does a disservice to conversation to assume based on age alone that someone hasn't 'been there'.
be well.:)
Heh, I can't hear this and not think of Demolition Man.
I think the thread is misnamed. I would have called it, "today I stopped a perve from molesting an old lady". Much more appropriate I think. Good for you, I am completely on your side.
Jo Dirt
3,270 Posts
That is what the nurse relieving me said. She said why would you care if he got upset? You are here to take care of the patient! What's laughable is that he tried to be manipulative and turn the situation around on me by making accusations about a small bruise on her finger. I didn't buy it.
I was the charge nurse/head nurse/supervising RN. This lady is so confused she did not know to put up resistance if she wanted to. She was just laying there watching us the whole time like she was watching a tv show.
I got pretty upset with this man. He was telling me about how his wife knew what he was doing, he was known by most everyone in the building, on and on...at one point I said that any way you slice it this was inappropriate behavior.
I can't be perfect and flawless like others seem to be. There are always people who are in total control and know just the right things to say and the right way to put it...sorry, but I'm a human.