What do you guys know (not think, not opine ) about the true risks of co-sleeping.
I co-slept with all of mine, and Dr. Sears (whom I greatly admire) recommends it, but I never hear anything but bad things about it. When my infant daughter was hospitalized the nurses didn't want me to sleep with her on my cot. I hear nurses warning new mothers against it. What confuses me is that in the anti-SIDS recommendations they advise against co-sleeping, though my understanding is that SIDS is, by definition, *not* suffocation.
Is co-sleeping dangerous because we westerners don't tend to sleep on mats on the floor? Can its dangers be mitigated in some way? Or is the danger a bit of hype.
We agree, there are obvious risks to co sleeping with an obese parent, or parents under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Even parents who are very restless, deep sleepers should consider carefully the risks versus benefits.
But, for many parents, including myself, I think the benefits outweigh the risks. All 4 of my children have co slept for different periods. I find that I am very in tune with my baby when he is sleeping with me, I sleep very lightly, and do not change position without waking.
I'm also a co-sleeper. Not once did I ever come close to rolling over on any of my babies . I went to sleep with them tucked under my arm-pit and woke up in the exact same position. If baby wiggled side ways or if dad got too close, I knew it & put them promptly back in place . I've now got healthy 10, 7 & 3 yr old daughters who sleep well in their own beds. Co-sleeping is natural for some families.
Not trying to be argumentative, but it strikes me as odd that everyone thinks they are such light sleepers that there is no possibility that they could roll over on their infant. I'm sure none of the parents who do roll over and kill their babies thought it would happen to them either. The benefits always outweigh the risks until the risk actually becomes a reality.
Not trying to be argumentative, but it strikes me as odd that everyone thinks they are such light sleepers that there is no possibility that they could roll over on their infant. I'm sure none of the parents who do roll over and kill their babies thought it would happen to them either. The benefits always outweigh the risks until the risk actually becomes a reality.
That's what I've been thinking as I read through this thread. I just couldn't think of a polite way to state it.
I have a question for the co-sleepers. How did it affect your relationship with your husband? I would think it would be impossible to maintain a healthy spontaneous sexual relationship when you always have a child in the bed with you.
I'm curious to why you don't trust a 'light sleepers", judgement.
I only made that comment because EVERY parent who cosleeps obviously thinks that they would never roll over on their baby or they wouldn't do it in the first place. Yet some people do roll over on their baby, so by definition some of them must have been wrong.
I only made that comment because EVERY parent who cosleeps obviously thinks that they would never roll over on their baby or they wouldn't do it in the first place. Yet some people do roll over on their baby, so by definition some of them must have been wrong.
That's what I've been thinking as I read through this thread. I just couldn't think of a polite way to state it.
I have a question for the co-sleepers. How did it affect your relationship with your husband? I would think it would be impossible to maintain a healthy spontaneous sexual relationship when you always have a child in the bed with you.
To answer your question on how it affects my relationship with my husband... It doesn't!! My husband and I love each other very much and after 9 years of marriage still have a great spontaneous sex life. Yes, sometimes you can't do anything sexually because there is a child in the bed. You just make a compromise.. be it going in another room or something else. You learn how to adjust and make it work. I wouldn't trade it for anything else.. I am more close to my kids for it and so is my husband.
To answer your question on how it affects my relationship with my husband... It doesn't!! My husband and I love each other very much and after 9 years of marriage still have a great spontaneous sex life. Yes, sometimes you can't do anything sexually because there is a child in the bed. You just make a compromise.. be it going in another room or something else. You learn how to adjust and make it work. I wouldn't trade it for anything else.. I am more close to my kids for it and so is my husband.
:yeahthat:
This is just my experience but my 1st husband wouldn't allow our kids in bed with us AT ALL and was a big advocate of "crying it out" . . . It still hurts me to remember when my first child cried for hours and when he finally fell asleep, it was in his own vomit . . . when I went to get him I was so upset - he could have aspirated in his own vomit, plus he was crying for a reason - turns out he was sick and had a fever.
Anyway, my ex is NOT close to his now grown sons and never was. He rarely visited them. He is now going through another divorce - his two kids from his 2nd marriage spent most of their infanthood in those baby swings, even all night. He is a very self-centered man.
My 2nd husband and I have always co-slept and he enjoys waking up with his child sound asleep next to him - it is hard to describe the joy but trust me it is there.
As to sex - who has sex when you have babies or toddler in the house anyway? (jk - sorta) :) Actually I find this to be one area in teaching couples about pregnancy and impending parenthood challenging . .. .alot of couples are so worried about when the baby will sleep through the night (sometimes a long long time) and the guys are worried about when their sex lives will resume (it wil resume but will be changed) . .. it is amazing. People really think having a baby will not or should not change their lifestyle one iota.
Sex continues . . . .sometimes you just have to get creative.
And the fact that my husband is so emotionally close to our kids makes him more desirable to me so it works out well for him really . . . :chuckle
I just think this is another one of those areas where we each have to make our own decisions . ..like circumcision or not, breastfeeding or not, homeschooling or not, etc.
This has nothing to do with "culture". Like I said before, people can and will do what they want. I do think however new parents should be educated on the risks of co-sleeping. Let them know the real dangers of it. They'll do what they want anyway. I have just heard parents in agony telling their brain dead infant to "breath baby, breath" during brain death studies. My children did not sleep with me (and this was before I was a PICU RN) and they are happy and fine. It's a choice, just like many choices we make as parents. We live with the choices we make.
co-sleeping has been going on since we lived in caves. We slept with my daughter until she didn't want to - meanwhile she is an A student, etc. etc., and a wonderful teenager. Best of all, she is closer to us than most teens are to their parents. The studies will not tell anything because many people lie about it because they know this culture frowns upon it.
) about the true risks of co-sleeping.
RNnL&D
323 Posts
We agree, there are obvious risks to co sleeping with an obese parent, or parents under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Even parents who are very restless, deep sleepers should consider carefully the risks versus benefits.
But, for many parents, including myself, I think the benefits outweigh the risks. All 4 of my children have co slept for different periods. I find that I am very in tune with my baby when he is sleeping with me, I sleep very lightly, and do not change position without waking.
I believe most co sleepers feel the same.