CNA lost a close resident

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I've been working at my facility for almost two months. They moved a resident from the assistant living side of our facility to the memory care unit where I work. I fell in love with the resident they moved in. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to help her since I'm still new and she had a hard time communicating. But once I started to work with her she found a place in my heart. Then last week (April 17th) I found out that she fell and shattered her hip. My heart fell into pieces. She was at a high fall risk since she wasn't fully coherent and was wheelchair bound. I hate the other CNAs I worked with because they didn't do her hourly checks (it's bolded "safety checks 2q hours" on her resident chart.) and they didn't care about her the way I did. I was constantly in there. Before she fell she seemed to be declining. She wasn't eating anything and barely had any water. So I made sure she always had an ensure and water. I toiletted her prn. I did everything I could in my power to make sure that resident had the time of her life. I even visited her when I wasn't working. She passed away yesturday at 7:15 pm. Friday night I thought she had passed away in my arms because I was doing her unconscious oral care. She had cheyne stokes so I told the med techs, said my goodbyes and left. That was the last time I ever got to see her. I love that woman more than life and it's completely tearing me apart. I keeping it inside because a lot of people aren't empathetic or sympathetic when it comes to losing someone you barely know. I was with her for only a couple weeks but that woman left a huge imprint on my heart. I even befriended her hospice nurse and family. I can't cry at work and when I'm home it doesn't come out. Her funeral is in another state and just for family which breaks my heart even more.

I honestly don't know what to do. I don't want to go back into depression again.. But I feel it may happen.

Ps. Sorry for this being so long..

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I can tell you are very genuinely upset, and care a lot. However, it seems like you have some real boundary issues. Especially in LTC, when we have the same residents for weeks, months, years, it is very important to maintain healthy boundaries.

When you say you hate he other CNAs for not caring like you, that you visit on your days off, and that you love her more than life, I see some red flags.

Imagine if you felt this way about all your patients... You'd self destruct when anything bad happens.

I give you much credit for your dedication and caring for your residents, but you really need boundaries to be successful in nursing.

Best of luck to you!

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I may have over exagarted (I tend to do that when I'm emotional.) a little bit about when I said I love her more than anything, and etc. I didn't just visit HER I visited all the residents in our facility. And when I said I hate most the CNAs I work with its because they are not good CNAs and should have their certificates taken away. I was working with a CNA that's around my age. We had a resident who had a BM on a rocking chair instead Of a toilet. And the ther CNA scolded her like an animal for pooping in the house. She pointed to the chair continuously and said "look what you did." "You know better." And did not handle the situation well. The resident told her to shut up over and over so I took her to her room to finish toiletting her and the resident say there and told me how nice I am and how sweet and kept thanking me. She has very bad dementia so she can't help it. The other CNA wasn't checking in on her residents and that's why the resident had a BM on her chair. The CNA that informed me of what was happening just turned to me and said "woah" and pointed. She didn't rush over to try and stop her from doing it. And didn't try helping me at all, she just kinda laughed and went to the charting station. A lot of the CNAS don't like me because I tend to care and do a better job than they do (I've been told.) Or I'm just "annoying to them" but it doesn't really matter if they like me or not. My residents care and ask me when they'll see me again or if I'm coming to take care of them, that's what really matters.

All I know is I work with really crappy CNAs that hate their jobs. And constantly complain about it. If you hate your job, don't work here then. It's that easy. Being a CNA is hard but it's very rewarding in the end. I'm glad I got to make an impact on my residents and that my resident that passed away, passed on peace.

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Specializes in Telemetry.

How are you working as a CNA if you haven't taken the exam yet as you mentioned in another thread?

Boundaries are the only thing that can maintain therapeutic relationships in healthcare. Without them, we could be so enmeshed in our patient's lives that both we and the patients would suffer.

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Nurse Leigh, in my state. We can work under the care of a nurse and CNA for 4 months before having to HAVE our certificates. I started taking my CNA class my second semester of my junior year in high school, then I started working at my facility in March and will be taking my exams on May 19th and 31st. That's only 2 1/2 months of CNA work/experience. My employer will also be paying my exam fee. That's how it is in most of the US. I have emotion/mental health problems that sometimes interfere with school, work and relationships (family, friends, etc.) but I'm okay now, all I was looking for was some ways to cope with it and vent out to people who MAY know what it feels like and have stories to share. I'm not asking for other comments or sympathy. Being almost 18 and still having trouble dealing with death (due to losing someone to suicide last year.) it's hard to cope with sometimes.

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It sounds like you have two issues. The first being maintaining your boundaries. It's hard to maintain boundaries when you are with the same patients all the time. We all struggle with the fine line of maintaining compassionate care, and not burning out. I remember having a resident I really liked (despite actively trying to maintain a professional distance) and I was devastated when she passed. What helped was that we asked the family if we could hold a service for her at the nursing home because so many of the staff wanted to say their goodbyes. This resident had lived there for 8 years. Getting closure that way really helped.

Your second issue is the staff you work with. It doesn't help that you feel like you are the only one who cares about the patients. I've also had this issue. Make sure you be an advocate for the patients and say something to your coworker/s. In that situation I would have taken her aside and said that it's unacceptable to speak to a resident with altered mental status that way. If you don't feel comfortable I would speak to your manager, you shouldn't have to tolerate that attitude from your coworkers. Continue to lead by example!

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Specializes in Emergency Nursing, Pediatrics.

The original post seemed a tad creepy to me.

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Specializes in Long term care.

When you are taking care of someone it is VERY easy to get attached to someone like you did with this one lady.

And the best way to deal with it is to remember to keep a professional boundary. It's something that is difficult to do when you are in a caring position like a CNA, but for your own good and for the good of all your future patients, YOU MUST learn to keep a professional boundary. If you don't, you will soon find yourself unable to do this kind of work. I guarantee it will become too difficult emotionally for you very quickly. Ask anyone who's been a CNA or a nurse for any real amount of time.

A good professional boundary means NOT visiting the residents on your day off.

Visiting them on your time off doesn't mean that you are a better care giver or that you care more about them, it means that you cannot set healthy limits that are good for you AND them!

If you want to be the best CNA, then keep being patient and understanding when a resident is having a difficult time. It sounds like you are doing an awesome job in this area already! :)

It also means stepping up and protecting the residents' when someone (your co-worker) is abusive to them.

When you mentioned the other CNA shouted and pointed at this resident when they had an accident in the rocking chair, that CNA was being abusive... yes, abusive! They can and should be fired for it. Not only that, in most states, YOU can also be held responsible for abuse by not reporting that CNA for their actions. Something like this is very serious. If your report it to management and nothing is done, then it is YOUR responsibility to report it to the state.

You asked for advice and I gave it. Everything I've written here is to help and protect you.

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Missingyou, thank you for your kind words and trying to help me out. A lot of people on here aren't aware of me being a VERY young adult and I'm only a month and a half into CNA work/experience. And my instructor/teacher told me that you just kind of have to learn to deal with it and see what your boundaries are. I did report it to my boss (I have text messages as proof.) but that CNA is still there. Her sister used to work in our facility too but she was fired for physically abusing our residents and taking pictures of our residents and putting it on social media ( big, big NO-NO) so I see where the abuse is going. She says she's quitting anyway but she should have her CNA license expelled. My heart hurt so bad to see her do that to our resident. She can't help it, her brain is basically dead and she's mostly incontinent. Nothing has been done yet so I don't know where to go.

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I honestly don't think this field is a good fit for you. You cannot get this emotionally invested and expect to remain objective and professional.

As for your coworkers, two things jumped out at me. You're new at your facility and you're not yet a CNA. You might not actually have a great grasp on how the facility runs. If you see abuse, by all means turn it in, but to say you "hate" you're coworkers tells me you are going to have a very rough time of things.

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I do a great job at what I do. And I can be a CNA and will be a CNA. I am totally okay about her passing. It's understandable that you may think that. But my boss wants to promote me and raise my pay and I haven't even been there for 4 months yet. And the other CNAs there have been there for a while

and haven't been promoted or naything, I wonder why. Oh, because they abuse the residents there and don't treat them with the least amount of respect. I hate my coworkers because they don't treat me or help me out when I need it. And they like to start a lot of HighSchool drama in a professional setting. Some of my coworkers I love to death and wish them the best, but others like the one I was talking about needs to be revoked from her job. I do my best to keep professional and have helped even the crappiest of CNAs, nurses, and other healthcare employees even if I don't get the least of a thank you. Working with these people have changed my outlook on life. I used to hate everyone and hated life, but working with geriatrics I have been taught so much. Yet again, I'm a 17 year old junior in high school and have no knowledge about the world as you all-mighty-wise nurses do. I appreciate you putting your opinion out there though.

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Specializes in Complex pedi to LTC/SA & now a manager.
I do a great job at what I do. And I can be a CNA and will be a CNA. I am totally okay about her passing. It's understandable that you may think that. But my boss wants to promote me and raise my pay and I haven't even been there for 4 months yet. And the other CNAs there have been there for a while

and haven't been promoted or naything, I wonder why. Oh, because they abuse the residents there and don't treat them with the least amount of respect. I hate my coworkers because they don't treat me or help me out when I need it. And they like to start a lot of HighSchool drama in a professional setting. Some of my coworkers I love to death and wish them the best, but others like the one I was talking about needs to be revoked from her job. I do my best to keep professional and have helped even the crappiest of CNAs, nurses, and other healthcare employees even if I don't get the least of a thank you. Working with these people have changed my outlook on life. I used to hate everyone and hated life, but working with geriatrics I have been taught so much. Yet again, I'm a 17 year old junior in high school and have no knowledge about the world as you all-mighty-wise nurses do. I appreciate you putting your opinion out there though.

I'm shocked you can work in direct patient care as a minor who cannot legally consent to abiding by HIPAA or legally administer medication. While many high schools & vocational schools offer NA& MA courses the students are ineligible for certification & regular employment until they turn the age of majority (18 in most states, 19 in states like Nebraska).

If you witness abuse as a healthcare worker you have a moral, ethical and legal obligation to report through state mandated channels. Failure to report abuse against residents opens you up to legal liability. (One reason minors can't work for pay in healthcare in my state they can't agree to abide by HIPAA or mandated reporter laws)

You are young. You are NOT yet a young adult, you are a teen. Observe. Learn. Grow.

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