Proof that the CDC DOES in deed have a sense of humor and that you can have a little fun when teaching disaster preparedness.
For what it's worth, sign me up for the Zombie Response Team!
There are all kinds of emergencies out there that we can prepare for. Take a zombie apocalypse for example. That’s right, I said z-o-m-b-i-e a-p-o-c-a-l-y-p-s-e. You may laugh now, but when it happens you’ll be happy you read this, and hey, maybe you’ll even learn a thing or two about how to prepare for a real emergency.
For those interested, I am marketing my new Zombie-control kit. Perfectly constructed for those of you seriously concerned about the impending Zombie menace, but are too lazy or busy to assemble your own. Just $19.95 plus S&H. But wait! Act now and receive a second kit free and my new instructional book, "Controlling Zombies for Fun and Profit".
Just watching the evening news, and it seems like zombie attack is the ONLY disaster Not happening somewhere in the world. I think I'm gonna try and get a lock on the Western US distributorship of the zombie control kits. If he's offering a .45 cal pistol for 20 bucks, they'll be valuable than gasoline once the attack starts!
No worries. If the incubation period is at least 48 hrs, we'll all be deader than Zombies. Haven't you heard the end of the world is scheduled for 6pm 5-21-2011, although, you know, they didn't specify the method of destruction...Send me one of them there kits!
That's what the billboard says, but if you're an optimist, you can spend the $27 you saved in interest on an "I Survived the May 21, 2011 Judgement Day and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" t-shirt. Or if you're crazy optimistic AND can wear girls size s-xl, another website has an "I Survived the Zombie Apocalyse".
"Jessica's Husband, Patrick" ......contact your local Red Cross Office? I laugh at the mere thought of a Red Cross sponsored zombie holocaust survival camp with happy families, arms locked, making their way towards its warm cots and color TVs. The fact remains that zombies, however comical and dumb they are portrayed in pop culture, are the worst type of parasite. They live solely to feed (and not just on brains!) I can really appreciate the CDC and their efforts to half heartedly introduce a serious look at preparing for an outbreak....but come one...there would be nothing left. The amount of chaos and destruction depends on the severity of the outbreak. They can be classified into three classes: Class 1 (usually localized within a few square miles, rarely will it get much national media coverage...multiple media outlets will be silenced and stories will go unheard), Class 2 (regional to sectional depending on the size of the geographical area...this outbreak can reach hundreds of thousands to a million in numbers at a very rapid pace), and Class 3 (zombies actually outnumber the living...cities are laid in ruins...governments, or what's left of them, are either dead or are holed up in a secure bunker...trying to make contact with other allies to survey the worldwide damage.)
The CDC recommends that you gather and flee your city/town. WOW, I bet no one will try and do that...so the roads should be clear. The fact remains that vehicle traffic will be useless. Interstates and freeways will be completely clogged with cars that have either ran out of gas, or just had nowhere to go. If you must travel these areas by foot, have a machete ready and keep a keen eye for corpses that have reanimated within their own vehicles!
You must always carry a primary weapon (preferably a semi-automatic carbine or assault rifle) and a secondary weapon (katana sword, machete, trench knife, etc) wherever you go. Depend on no one, but never travel alone.
jesskidding, LPN
361 Posts
This is great! I just emailed this to my husband. He will love it! Thanks!