Can't Shake Off Rude Patient

[bboy45]

Although I'm not yet an RN, I am working as a CNA to gain some experience before I start nursing school. I need some advice. I dealt with a patient yesterday and today that I can't seem to shake off. I overheard her mention to another resident that I was pretty much a horrible CNA. She also made a comment about my weight which hit me really hard, because I have gained some weight. This morning, I knew was going to be hard because I was assigned to her. I woke her up and immediately she started making comments about how she didn't want me and "oh God, what had she done to deserve this?" I think there are two reasons why this is really bothering me. She used to be a former nurse and she treats the other members of the staff with respect so obviously she has a personal issue with me. I guess I value her opinion of me because she was a former nurse. A close friend I confided in outside of work said, "she is probably just a grouchy lady," but she appears to be respectful to other members of the staff when I watch her interact with them. I know this is partly a confidence issue and I need to learn how to deal with people not liking me, but I feel somewhere I went wrong with her. Maybe I acted too "new" around her, meaning I might have appeared clumsy and a little nervous and like I didn't know what I was doing. It was after all, only my 5th shift as a CNA and I am still learning how to get up 8 residents in an hour and keep all 15 objects I'm carrying in my scrub pockets from falling out (she acted like I was the worst person in the world when I accidentally dropped my pager on the floor). Anyone have a similar story or any advice to give? I feel like this is one of the first of many hard pills to swallow that nursing will present to me. I should say I am a male and she appears to not like a male taking care of her, but I have other residents that respectfully decline for me to bath or dress them and I am not bothered by that.

[ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP]

I'd nip that in the bud and "fire" her from your assignment. You are an aide, not a slave. Unless this patient has dementia and has no control over her behavior, do not feel as though you have to take this abuse.

[Gooselady, BSN, RN]

That's hard stuff, especially when you are new! Get to be an old battle axe nurse like me, and you'll just go to your charge nurse and say "Patient X hates my guts, can we change the assignment around tomorrow?" and fellow battle axe charge nurse will say 'Yeah, OK' and that's that.

There is critical 'learning stuff' in this for you. Every single nurse/pre-nurse goes through this. This is universal.

The education you get from this is;

- You can't give good care to a patient that can't stand you, for whatever reason

- A patient may randomly decide you are AWFUL based upon nothing whatsoever

- The best nursing decision is to switch assignments and move on.

Nowhere in here is scathing yourself, or even much self assessment. If many patients make the same complaint about you (the generic you), then you definitely need to take a long hard look at yourself.

This will happen again, and again, until what I wrote above will be the only rational response to it :)

I had a male patient who had stage four glioblastoma, young guy in his forties. He had a very sweet fiance who waiting on him hand and foot in the room. Initially he was utterly charming, except he kept 'accidentally' removing his condom catheter, like, once an hour. After a while, I didn't rush in to replace it, in fact I dreaded going back in there because while I replaced it he'd ask his fiance how she liked watching some other woman play with his d*ck. The next day, he asked that I not be his nurse anymore (to my complete relief). I never said a thing to him, it must have been the look on my face.

[m1b2t3]

If she keep acting that way don't go to her room by your self because if she don't like you she can accuse you ok don't go to room by your self.

[kemifair]

I was a CNA for 11 years and I come across residents like that but you have to know how to deal with them because running to the supervisor is not going to cut it. Some residents don't like new workers because they feel that they will not get the same care because you are new. Hang in there it will get better.

[anon456, BSN, RN]

She is probably one of those old school nurses who used to eat their young . . .and she sees you as young and this is her chance to take out some unrelated anger issues on you. Sorry you are experiencing this.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

There is more than one elderly former nurse who believes that males should not take care of females in any capacity as far as personal care. (Unless one is the MD).

I have had more than one say that "males should NOT be CNA's, should NOT be nurses, and should NOT help a lady dress and pee in the morning, or undress and pee at night. Period."

This is really old school thinking, however, there's been more than one say that they do "not want a male" caregiver. Period.

If this is this patient's line of thinking, I am sure that whomever she may have said this to said "so sorry, you may have a male caregiver." And that doesn't sit too well with this patient.

There are lots and lots of ingrained ideas that are from many decades ago that are irrelevant today. This is one of them.

I would literally be "Good Morning, Miss_____________, time to get out of bed, now" and go about your duties, and move on. Her issues with males is not your issue.

If the comments continue to the point where you are really uncomfortable, I would discuss with your charge nurse. Just so everyone is in the loop. Perhaps with this patient, it may be easier to have 2 of you get her up and done up for the day, then you could help your teammate with one of their people.

I really wish that for the more challenging, there were always a team of 2. Just seems more efficient and effective.

[martymoose, BSN, RN]

Consider the source...she is being a bully and she knows it bothers you.

exactly!

[NuggetRN23]

Although it's really hard to do, kindness honestly works. I try to practice this as much as possible. Walk into the room with your head held high and a smile on your face, it's hard for people to be nasty when you're genuinely smiling. Sometimes I'll start complimenting something about the patient and that will help the situation because anyone with a genuine heart should feel bad about being so mean to someone so nice. Also-have you considered having one of the "respected" nurses introducing you? Hey I'm your nurse ... and this is ..., your caregiver for the day. They're great at their job and will be taking excellent care of you, you can trusted in their care!" It helps to have a boost from someone else if you're struggling. Keep doing your job as you are, and hold your head high...we all deal with rude patients but it's how you interact back with them that can make a huge difference in your day. Good Luck!

[valliloves]

It could be many things, really. It could be what other people here have suggested. It could even be that you have some qualities of a father who abused her, an old high school boyfriend who stood her up on a date, any number of things. These possibilities may actually help you to feel compassion for her--therefore getting rid of you feeling intimidated by her. She will never know what hit her and may actually warm up to you because of your new found confidence!

I think the point is to realize, like someone else said here, "Consider the source!"

It's not about you. It's about her. What I mean is, she is either being triggered by something (nothing you can do) or she is just a bully (nothing you can do).

A most empowering thing is knowing that; it's not about you! Best wishes to you :)

[Red Kryptonite]

Whoo...I wish I could change assignments. One of the services my employer offers is private duty caregiving, mostly by CNAs. I've worked many of these shifts, and usually it's okay. We have one client right now....let's just say I'm trying to come up with some way to P her off without getting fired so she'll call the office and tell them not to send me back. Apparently she's done that with several people, and has also told off my boss and half the main office as well. She's just awful and kindness DOES NOT work on her. I usually work inpatient and I'd take a pretty bad shift in a unit right now to get out of this assignment.

Apparently between her refusing to have certain CNAs and some CNAs refusing to work her case anymore, there are few of us to schedule and I'm stuck.

[sugarwahine10]

Take it with a grain of salt anything she says to you. It's obviously issues she has that are making her treat you that way. Remember that there are a lot of patients and their families that you will come across while working in this field that live to make other people feel like dirt and you must always act like it doesn't bother you while you are around them--don't give them the satisfaction!!! It will put a big crimp in their day if they don't get the reaction from you that they are hoping, which is to make you miserable. Just act like her hurtful comments are rolling off of you and keep a smile on your face around her and keep thinking how much that is probably ticking her off--that should give you some peace hopefully. Don't give mean comments like that too much power over your self-worth. Unfortunately, it's because of people like that that many healthcare workers develop such "thick skin".